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Psychology forum home -> Addictions -> Does my boyfriend drink too much? Reply to topic

Does my boyfriend drink too much?


How much is too much too drink?
A six pack of beer
27%
 27%  [ 3 ]
5 beers and 3 shots
36%
 36%  [ 4 ]
4 beers a day, 4 + days a week
36%
 36%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 11

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Author Thread
jennypoo77
New Member


Joined: 06 Jul 2005
Posts: 2

Post Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:04 pm

Does my boyfriend drink too much?    Reply with quote  

Hi I am new to this forum and have a concern that has been eating away at me and need some advice. So hopefully you all can help...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and whenever there is a party or get together, a majority of the time, will drink too much and get drunk. He says he just is having fun and there are others there that are getting drunk as well. It annoys me when he does this and I feel he might have a drinking problem. Am I crazy to think this? Am I the one that has the problem...overreacting?
He's a bad drunk...all his friends think he's a great drunk and happy. But if we get into a fight while he is drunk, it gets really bad. I don't know what to do. Please help... Sad
  
kfedouloff
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: 10 Sep 2003
Posts: 2521

Post Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:38 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hi jenny

Well, it's not really a question of whether he is a good drunk or a bad drunk - it's more that YOU don't like how he is when drunk...

So what's keeping you with him, jenny?

Kathleen
jennypoo77
New Member


Joined: 06 Jul 2005
Posts: 2

Post Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:43 pm

   Reply with quote  

I love him and when he is sober he is the best guy ever! Its the best relationship I've ever had minus the drunk times. I've told him it bothers me that he drinks that way, he says he will work on it...but then something happens like 4th of July and he has an excuse for getting drunk. I don't understand what the deal is with getting drunk. I have a great time when I have just a couple beers. Why can't he?
littlenonni
Full Member


Joined: 06 Apr 2005
Posts: 127
Location: UK

Post Fri Jul 15, 2005 7:56 am

   Reply with quote  

does he ever get really drunk the way he does in the house? or is it just around people or nights out?
allancowley
New Member


Joined: 27 Jul 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Glasgow UK

Post Tue Aug 09, 2005 10:08 pm

Alcohol consumption test    Reply with quote  

Dear jennypoo

You could try the test at the following site to give you a better idea

http://www.alcoholscreening.org/

My name is Allan and....
DIRTYSOUTH
New Member


Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Posts: 2

Post Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:25 pm

Re: Does my boyfriend drink too much?    Reply with quote  

[quote="jennypoo77"]
Jenny i just stumbled onto this site "i guess by mistake"? i have no phd in med. or anything,yet i have knowledge in the lil' world of arguing with spouse/partner'S over the yrs. and in drinking/drug world. i'd say without your b-friend even saying there is a reason behind his or your insanity he has 1 or 2 and not revealing hisself.in my opinion ppl drink to relieve stressful situations,and he may have a problem.....yet ppl need encouragement to quit however NEVER say it to him while he is drinking.I myself ruined a relationship with a girl.....yrs later YES i regret it .hurts like hell,but @ the time i myself did ,but didnt have a choice. timing is key but ppl get older things get darker and brighter WELL life goes on right now i have those coulda shoulda woulda blues but wish her the best in all things in her life........ ppl have to quit on there own accord meaning some come out of this world and some never return/ all a person in your position can do is pray n sometimes let go. I could go on and on ! you live life , never stop learning , love ,and die...but sometimes you have to let go learn from all your mistakes and start life over.-BEST WISHES ----OH YEAH IF ITS ABUSIVE RUUUN! GET OUT SEEK HELP!
timetogetunstuck
Junior Member


Joined: 30 Apr 2005
Posts: 92

Post Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:15 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hi jennypoo77

First of all, the poll at the top of the page is meaningless because it's not primarily about how much of a substance we use, it's about WHY we're doing it and what we're doing with it.

It might help to draw lines between you and your boyfriend so that you can look at the issues in their proper places. What I mean by that is that a) YOU have a problem with his drinking (you have every right to, BTW) b) he MAY consider that he has a problem but that is entirely up to him to realise/learn/admit.

The reason I separate those things out is that you have a right to decide what his relationship with alcohol means to your relationship with him and to decide whether or not this is healthy for you to continue.

Sounds like you already know that you don't like the alcohol part of your relationship with him.

What would you want to say to him about this if a) you ACCEPTED that you couldn't change him and b) you weren't afraid of his reaction or of hurting him?

In terms of using alcohol, your man sounds like he's deep into getting drunk and using alcohol as a disinhibitor. There are ALWAYS problems with that - not least an increased likelihood of using alcohol to vent anger.

Don't wait for some kind of 'measure' to convince you that he drinks too much. The fact that you are uncomfortable now is measure enough.

Good luck.
Ducky
New Member


Joined: 16 May 2005
Posts: 18
Location: London

Post Sun Aug 14, 2005 12:36 am

   Reply with quote  

Good evening jenny.

from the options given, i wouldn't have thought that 4 beers a day at 4 times a week would be counted as too much to drink at all.

But my judgement on this is slightly flawed as i have well and truly been sucked into the british binge culture. I was drinking at 14 for goodness sake.

But it's you that is being affected by his drinking so you should do what is best for yourself. there is no point in waiting around for someone else to point it out to him that he is making you worry.

there is nothing that a few (maybe more) words wouldn't sort out.
ducky
allancowley
New Member


Joined: 27 Jul 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Glasgow UK

Post Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:43 am

   Reply with quote  

I agree with timeto... about whether the quantity one drinks causes one a problem. I have seen people who can drink 2 bottles of spirit and be up in the morning with the dawn, while others drinks 3 pints of beer and have to stay in bed for a week. It is not as much the quantity as the effect.

Your boyfriends drinking is badly affecting you both, you're suffering now, he'll suffer when you leave and when every other relationship he has breaks down.

The good news is that drinking can be controlled if a replacement is in place. If you b/f struggles inside with social gatherings, it might be worth talking about some form of confidence course. He may be outwardly reluctant, but try give him some time, as he probably knows it is a good idea.

Good luck,

Allan.

PS Don't tell anyone, but I speak from personal experience.
Lurch
New Member


Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Coventry,uk

Post Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:02 am

n/a    Reply with quote  

I use to drink 8 pints and 8 cans on a sat night when i was younger-everyone does dont they ! but you get wiser when youre older.
A safe UK government drinking levels is 21 units for men or 18 units for a woman per week with a couple of days off the beer to give youre body a break. A unit is 1/2 a pint.No more than 2 pints in a night or 1 pint a day.
I now drink 2 pints 2 or 3 times a week with a meal,and drinking 3 pints of water a day
  

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