Scary thoughts that I don't love my boyfriend anymore!!HELP

Have you ever felt like this?

Poll ended at Mon Jun 10, 2013 8:01 pm

yes
2
100%
no
0
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Total votes : 2

Postby stressandmorestress » Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:01 pm

Before I start i want to say that my parents never had a good relationship, and I was hurt before by a guy I loved and cared for a lot, so I don't know if this may have anything to do with this.

Anyways,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. At the beginning it was like how any of my other relationships have started out except a little different. I didn't think about when we would break up. I said I love you pretty early because I felt it. He seemed perfect, in every way and an all around great guy and he still is to this day. Around valentines day I was so excited to get something from my boyfriend and I had went on a trip so I was only texting him. One of my exs messaged me and I was chatting with them for a little while and I started to feel guilty and for the first time felt sick and began freaking out that I was giong to break up with my boyfriend and stop liking him. Then when I looked at his pictures i felt nauseas because I felt scared that I didn't think he was cute! I was freaking out and was scared and couldn't control these sick feelings I was getting. I got home and I told him all about it and he was sad but accepting. It began to get so bad I had actual thoughts of breaking up with him but I couldn't everytime I tried i would feel sick and begin to panic and cry. Eventually, I don't know how but I stopped worrying for a while and our relationship was great. He is a great guy always calms me down and I love everything about him. Even wrote a list of 100 reasons why. I also always write him love notes. Every here and there i fould feel sick and scared that I didn't love my boyfriend and that I wanted to break up, (which if i really wanted to wouldn't i just do it like previous relationships?) I would mostly panic when he was away, when he was with me I could reassure myself that I loved him.
Now we are at 6 months and we have gotten through many of my episodes. Today just feels like it is a million times worse because i was better and now It feels as if it is really going to be over! I have a lot of stress trying to determine if he is the one because my parents are going to get divorced and I'll have to move and I don't want to be stuck in a situation when i'm talking long distance and it all be a waste, this had happened before with a guy I really cared about. I am just scared maybe I want to break up??? And i don't really love him at all! We always have fun together when I'm at his house i never want to come home. However when i get home i feel tense again and question everything.
Sometimes i don't want to text him because i am scared he will say something and i won't like him anymore for saying something stupid or if he sends me a picture I will think he's ugly. I am even scared to have celebrity crushes because it makes me feel like I don't love him!

Why does this happen to me? Is my relationship going to be okay? What can I do to calm down? I have calmed down before...!? :cry: :cry: :cry:
stressandmorestress
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#1

Postby Humaning » Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:09 pm

I want you to know that this does not come with a patronizing tone:

If you break up with him you will not die. Or grow up to be an bittern crown thinking back to this episode in your youth as the tipping point of your misery. Know that. Believe it! You will however suffer a tremendous withdrawal which will feel like hell.

Infatuation does not last. If you want the chemistry: in the beginning of relationship you have a surge of dopamine (happiness juice.) The bad thing about this is that dopamine receptors deplete themselves very quickly when you binge (hang out with him too much.) So the time comes when you don't find him cute because finding him cute is getting a hit of that delicious dopamine which makes you happy, focused and bold. this is the reason most passion driven marriages wither away... After a point in your relaitnship your brain switches to oxytocin as a reward which makes you cuddly, understanding, and suspicious of outsiders (making your bond tighter.) When he comforts you, you feel happy again, but you don't want to interact with him over the phone because the drug does not take full effect at a distance.

This might seem like I am painting you to be some kind of junkey. We all are! We are governed by our pursuit of happiness, which comes only from the release of certain chemicals. But don't fall prey to your primitive brain, take control and define how and when you want those chemicals released.
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#2

Postby stressandmorestress » Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:25 pm

so just because i do not get the new feelings that i used to get does not mean i don't like him anymore? i have never had a relationship this long so i think my brain associates the loss of these feelings as me not liking him anymore, which scares me...
i get panic attacks when i think about breaking up with him i know its not the end of the world so why do i feel this way?
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#3

Postby Humaning » Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:39 pm

Anxiety is broken up fears that don't make sense anymore. You have to trace this fears that left this crumbled fragments behind. Do you believe you will be alone forever? That you are unlovable? That you will never be able to love anyone? These are serious questions and worthy of being challenged.

You might still respect, admire, or even love him, but you are not going to get those new feelings easily. It takes a lot of work from people that challenge one another and allow each other to continue growing, surprising both parties involved. If he is the same person day in and out it will turn bland. But don't allow anxiety to think it is right to fret: if you break up with this guy, you will encounter at least fifteen "soul mates" in the next twenty years.
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#4

Postby stressandmorestress » Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:00 am

Look, i know deep down that i really love my boyfrien an i dont want to break up with him. I am not scared im gonna be alone or whatever i could get tons more guys. So your not really answering my question.
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#5

Postby Humaning » Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:36 am

Sorry, to be redundant; I'll answer your questions directly then:

"so just because i do not get the new feelings that i used to get does not mean i don't like him anymore?" You could still like him in a different way.

I get panic attacks when i think about breaking up with him i know its not the end of the world so why do i feel this way? Maybe you like him more than other guys, maybe you have associated a part of your identity with him, or you have grown dependent to his nurture and understanding.

But if deep down you know this, then why are you asking these questions? And growing irritated when I don't answer them?
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#6

Postby jcoop66 » Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:46 pm

stressandmorestress wrote:I don't want to be stuck in a situation when i'm talking long distance and it all be a waste, this had happened before with a guy I really cared about. I am just scared maybe I want to break up??? And i don't really love him at all!


Holy Jesus.

It'll be a waste? Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him. I couldn't imagine supporting your drama or internal dialog on a long term basis. Seek professional counseling, immediately.
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