Sorry to hear you are so scared of eveything
. Are there things that make you feel peaceful and good?
I listen to the 'Stop Negative Thinking
download from time to time from the Uncommon Knowledge hypnosis downloads ... and the anxiety one. My son listened to it the other night when he was having an asthma attack and wasn't sure if his inhaler was working or not. He liked it ...
You know, I sometimes think it is hard to let go of the anguish and anxiety etc because there may be nothing to fill your life up with when it is gone ... but, of course, there is ... But it requires work and patience ... and sometimes having to start all over again.
Are you getting to have any fun at anything where you are free to make mistakes and it just doesn't matter a dam ... because the object is to have fun and be yourself ... and the people you are with aren't point scoring but just into letting things be and unfold ... so that you get that centred confident feeling ... which we all love!
You might also like to look at any of Jurian Plesman's responses on the threads (i.e. Jurplesman is his sign in name) who looks at the clinical nutrition aspects of depression, anxiety etc. You can really find yourself nutrtionally depleted in a number of areas when you are in any kind of mental distress. I was burning up Vit B hugely ... which is much more under control now. But that can cause a vicious cycle with anxiety and fear ... you may like to see a Dr who specialises in nutritional medicine. I think it is a great way to go, including any other support you may feel you need.
On the subject of love, the recent research I've looked out is that it produces a powerful chemical reaction in the brain, which is like a drug addiction ... so relationship breakups can be a tough one to handle anyway ...
I hope you have some good music to listen to ... I've been listening to a bit of jazz lately ... Dianne Krall ...
Hope to hear how you are going soon.