Emotionless and Anxiety in Relationship

Postby Endlessly » Thu Feb 12, 2015 1:26 pm

Hi guys,

For the past 2 months I have really needed help. Something just isn't right. I have read the whole of the Anxiety and Love thread and I'm still struggling.

Firstly I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and have been for almost 2 years now. Everything has been perfect; he's all I want in a boyfriend, so caring, thoughtful, attentive and we have so much in common. Over Christmas I had been working a lot, as well as going to college. I was very tired and stressed over December but didn't really realise it until I look back on it now.I had so much college work to get done, as well as applying for a course, as well as working long days. I usually get really excited to see my boyfriend as we see each other every month due to the distance, but we see each other for about a week or more each time. This time however I wasn't really looking forward to it, and to think of it now I didn't really feel excited for christmas either. I had been in a constant low mood, worrying about exams etc. He came down and the first two days were fine. But then one day whilst I was eating dinner with him I looked at him and I had a kind of panic attack. After that I felt so disconnected from him for the rest of the week, looking at him and thinking we were just friends. I would pick flaws in his looks and some things he did irritated me. My sex drive? Well it was like I didn't have one. He wasn't making me happy like he usually did, and when he left in the new year I felt nothing, not even sad that I wouldn't see him for another few weeks. After that I spoke with a friend who said 'yeah you've probably just lost your spark and realise you don't love him' and that sparked my anxiety. For the first few days all I could think was 'I don't love him anymore', overanalysing everything, I was nervous to speak to him on skype and when I do I feel nothing and so disconnected. It's like my anxiety has made him into a phobia. I was almost talking to him about breaking up, but I didn't. Since then my mind has been constantly focused on whether I love him or not. I've never even questioned it before but now I feel nothing. Surely it couldn't just go in a week? People say this could be anxiety and stress causing emotional numbness. It seems logical but it's been going on for over a month now. The original stress of exams has gone now and now I am just stressing and constantly thinking about this situation. I don't know what to do. As time has gone on I don't feel as anxious anymore, just numbness, and this is making me wonder whether I really have lost my feelings for him. I really, really want to get these feelings back. So badly. Because he never did anything wrong and he is perfect. I have told him everything, so he knows what's going on.

I just want to speak to someone out there who has had a similar experience as I feel so alone right now. I don't even know what I am feeling anymore.
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#1

Postby WonderGurl » Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:52 pm

Say, he rings you up and says "I miss you, I'm coming over tomorrow ". How would you feel about it?
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#2

Postby Endlessly » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:15 am

Wondergurl I would like that, he does make me feel better when I'm with him. I'm just always so nervous when I first go to see him because I'm scared I'm not going to feel anything. It's quite hard for us though as we live 200 miles away from each other, so we have to book train journeys in advance.
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#3

Postby Naithiz » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:27 am

this is interesting. I will be of no help as i am emotionless and dont understand what you mean by feeling love or not feeling love.
Maybe saying what feeling love is to you might bring something to light.
I am interested as i want to learn empathy for others. my doc says its a good idea for me to study how others feel to do this. to me a relationship is simply give and take and in my case i try and take as much as i can. so I am interested in this.
It sounds like you have attachments to him as you said "Wondergurl I would like that, he does make me feel better when I'm with him" maybe you had very strong emotional ties to him from the start that are weakening. maybe you are filling a void that he used to fill? I am just guessing tbh.
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#4

Postby Endlessly » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:25 am

Hi Naithiz! I just suddenly feel disconnected from him. When I was with him during that week at Christmas I suddenly sort of disconnected from him and he felt like a stranger. It was really weird. And now my mind is seeing him in a different way. Its horrible, I just want to go back to how I felt before all of this started. No doubts or questioning, just getting on with my life.
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#5

Postby Naithiz » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:45 am

A question for you. when you say you feel like he is a stranger what do you mean? do you mean simply not in "love" ? or more like me and you are strangers?
Also if you no longer feel the spark or love for him what about leaving him for another person? (not suggesting that just wondering why you what to re build rather then move on) it might be that you have grown more due to school and work and living on your own away from him. and so the things you gained from him are weaker if not gone. and so you feel the loss there and that's why you feel so disconnected from him cause you don't need what he gave you?

Disclaimer I am emotionless and so take what i say with salt as its pure logic and no emotions
sigh i want a signature so i dont have to type that. had a guy get upset due to logic and want to avoid that.
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#6

Postby Endlessly » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:56 am

It happened so suddenly though which is why I think it's not actually how I'm feeling. That week that I was with him I was really down and sort of depressed and had been before he came, which made me not feel myself. Then I had an anxious attack and looked at him and suddenly I felt different. Its not like it has happened over time. And I don't want to move on. He is the best thing that has happened to me. I refuse to believe I have lost my love for him. If I really didn't love him I guess I would have broken up with him by now. All these obsessive thoughts have made me emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm sorry to hear you feel emotionless :(
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#7

Postby Naithiz » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:15 am

Hmmmmm another questing. have you hit your head around that time. I have heard of a thing where a guy hit his head and then couldn't recognize people he knew. other then that i suggest consoling on this as i dont know what it could be and it sounds very troubling that it would happen so fast. might be some sort of stress overload where your mind distanced its self from him do to added stress being to much?
Thinking about it my advice would be calm down relax and breath. it might be that it was a momentary thing that you thinking about so strongly might be adding power to it. i still say talk to a pro I will look some things up but i am no pro. they might see this all the time and be like of its this dont worry just do this or that. but i feal relaxing would be best if you still love him and its emotions that have died then hold on to that at the kleast and try and re build.


Also i kinda like not having emotions as its a bother from what i see. not understanding your self due to confusing emotions. my mind is logic. 1+2 =3 the end. thou i do wonder what its like having emotions and my doc says learning empathy is a good idea for me.
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#8

Postby Endlessly » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:26 am

Thank you for your quick replies! I thought it could be an emotion shut down from all the stress too, and that now I'm dwelling on it too much and am making myself anxious and depressed about it, which isnt helping me get my emotions back. I really really want to speak to a pro about it but it would be so expensive :( I'm going up to see my boyfriend tomorrow for Valentines Day and I hope I can pull myself together. I just don't feel excited for anything anymore.
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#9

Postby Naithiz » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:29 am

If you see him you might want to relax and take it easy. if you still feel empty instead of looking at that look at all the good. and dont expect the world from your self. and the hardest advice i can give is talk to him about it. explain that you love him and not feeling like befor scares you that you still love him and dont want to be with out him but need to work on this thing you feel. for each bad thing say 2 good things. like i feel empty but i love you and dont want to lose you
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#10

Postby Endlessly » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:18 am

I've told him everything and he's been so supportive about it all. Some days are worse than others, and I have moments where I get really excited and am happy about him, but then the thoughts come back.
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#11

Postby Naithiz » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:25 am

thats good to hear. and remember dont stress over it as it will not help but will make it worse.

on a note. im wondering what is it like to feel love? in your words
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#12

Postby Endlessly » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:40 am

To feel in love is to have a sort of warm feeling around that person you love. They make you really happy and you feel safe and comfortable around them. You both feel connected and I don't know, its just a really nice warm feeling. Its hard to explain
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#13

Postby Naithiz » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:59 am

yep never had that feeling in my life. lol
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#14

Postby maryapple » Mon Feb 16, 2015 8:41 am

Uneasy task to preserve the fire of your feelings! But if you want you'll cope with it! Just imagine: Jack lives in Canada and works to buy a house and launch his own enterprise. Rosa lives in Australia and works as a doctor at hospital and cannot go abroad due to her contract and work load. And they met each other in the Internet, and they fell in love straight away! Think impossible? Don't be so sceptical! Go to the Internet sites and find out how you can be involved in relationships and true feelings whatever's the distance! Good luck!)
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