Interesting story...5months no weed.

#45

Postby Wave » Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:07 pm

tokes wrote:However as Furtive has documented in-depth, ultimately, even casual use brings about Paws like symptoms (even if not as intense). Which as he also stated in the long run outweighs the benefits of occasionally smoking a joint.


Yea, I have tried moderation, less when you do etc etc and just messed with my head too much. I still feel it works for some people maybe but I am not one of them!!

Do you think you will carry on occasionally?
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#46

Postby tokes » Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:23 pm

It really depends on my lifestyle bud. But being a person that generally wants to work and have a successful career in teaching, I doubt I would ever let that goal slip in attainment of being high. The initial paws after 7 years of daily abuse was horrific, but the Paws from occasional use for the last 6 months hasn't really effected my behaviour with people which is the thing I care about most because my job depends on it. In terms of causing brain fog or causing me to forget where I put my board markers or how to teach grammar is non existent, I'm on the ball with all that stuff. But generally my mood is lower at times which nothing a bit of retail therapy or excercise can't handle. I have gained a control over it which I appreciate but I do wonder sometimes is it all worth it? Maybe this feeling mixed with maturing (I'm 25) will overcome me one day and weed will just become this thing I smoke once in a blue moon. But in terms of needing to continue this thing I call "occasional use" I feel no compulsion to do it. I feel like I can take it when needed and smoke. I come here to document my use and how I feel purely to inform others not express a battle with paws. However saying that I got a terrible headache today (haven't smoked in 2 weeks) and I have bags under my eyes which I have no idea why. Will keep this updated.
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#47

Postby Jamie514 » Mon Mar 06, 2017 3:41 am

tokes wrote:Right,

Good evening fellow smokers,

I have been skulking around on these forums looking through posts for the last month or so after searching ''I have quit weed but still feel terrible''. It linked me to some stories that were almost identical to mine but in some instances not entirely similar. I feel as if mine is somehow slightly worse or those that were writing were unable to fully put across how they were really feeling. So here goes me.

In school I started out shy but then ended up to be part of the popular crowd, always getting into trouble, always doing something naughty and in general just a quick witted funny lad.[/b[b]] I grew up in a lower class area of London and friends varied from greeks, to turks to africans to kyrgzstanis.I was almost thrown out of school twice and suspended uncountable times just because of my mouth.. I would talk and talk make the whole class laugh and be a pest.

Anyway after school in the summer (16 years old) I started smoking weed with my friends and we were all pretty much street kids. We would be out all day doing various mischevious things playing football and smoking weed. I started heavy use in college when it became almost a daily thing. I got thrown out of that college because I smoked half an ounce of weed on wet grass till the morning while lieing down and woke up with a huge chest infection meaning i missed most of my exams. went to a new college and scraped through with bare minimum grades.

my new college was an absolute joke. full of street thugs and small time criminal mixed in with a lot of ethnics and normal people. we called that college mini amsterdam as every other person was selling it and about 70% of the college was smoking it. my first day at that college was me arriving to a circle of guys outside the entrance at 8.30am smoking zoots (joints) and they just said 'want some?' and i casually agreed. people from all backgrounds were smoking there...the nerds..the football team...the girls...the muslims...even muslims in headscarfs were sneaking off to teh park at break and smoking...it was actually hillarious. someone even said the teachers were buying off one of the students or something along those lines..anyway i knew the stuff was making me lazy and my grades were going down as i couldnt retain information or memorise things aswell but it never made me depressed or unable to think a string of coherent thoughts....

anyway started university with the intention of quitting and staying clean as weed was nuisance and causing a fair bit of stress to my mother...for example when I grew the stuff in a tent in my room and she found out and went mental and chucked it all away or when it would wake her up in the middle of the night and she would smell it....or the couple of times i nicked 10-20pounds from her purse. so clearly didnt like it and i didnt wanna make her stressed.
it caused slight nuisance to me personally when i would get into the odd fight with a local smoker or dealer (i dealt the stuff for a long time) or when friends would fall out over mispayments or people owing eachother money for weed...and would ususally end up in a broken nose. but also a couple of times i kinda went off the rails and set some people up...i had replica gun for a little while and set some unfavourable people up (people nobody liked not just innocent civilians) aka local assholes, local dealers every hated or did things worse than me. i would never hurt a civilian..always courteous to elders and gave my seat up on the bus all that stuff...when i would rob these people for the money i didnt realise but i would just spend it on weed...thats kinda like what a crack head would do..

anyway back to university..i started with the intention of quitting (this is 3 years of everyday smoking now) and i found a nice house away from campus in Bolton in England and my fellow housemates were 2 girls and a boy. Everyone seemed nice enough until week 2 the boy told me he smoked and we ended up being the best of friends and i wouldnt even sleep in my room we would just get stoned play xbox and i would just konk out on his sofa. we would play zombies and fifa on repeat all day...while the other lads at uni were banging birds and all that kinda stuff we were playng xbox...to be fair i had my fair share of my ladies and had a girlfriend for a few months...so as you can see i was operational to an extent...my roomate was a maths genius and could smoke till he passed out wake and pass all his exams and get the higest grades...i however wouldnt wake up or would wake up arrive late and not listen to a word in the lesson..as soon as lesson was over..guess what was on my mind..thats right..weed...

cutting a long weed story short i got kicked out in my second year for basically doing nothing and just being an a**hole and hinderance to the teachers...arriving late..handing work in late...not listening...blah blah...that was a blow to the system as technically i was now just a w****r chucked into the huge wide world with no experience or degree...i had done plenty of restaraunt jobs in this time...so i had something

anyway went back to london and my mum lost the house as she had no money to afford so she moved back in with her parents in the country..who are of cold english people..anyway this is when sh** got real...i would be at grandmas and i would just wake up and i just wouldnt be able to think...i woud try and shrug it off and say im cool...but like someone woudl say something to me and it would take like 2 seconds to proccess it and then 2 seconds to think what to say and then when i say it i say some slow drivel. i was thinking sh** i got alzhiemers...i started searching all these things on the internet....loooking up all various illnesses like thyroid, addisons, cortisols levels, diabetes, multiple personality, skitzo, depression or some kind of possession...then the depersonalization started...i would get a golf ball in my throat like i wanted to cry but nothing to cry about...then the depression kicked in and i was literally on hell on earth
i would be looking at objects like a cup or a fridge and just think ''what is that'' ''where am i'' it was that bad....that continued for 6 months...i thought i was going to die with no end in sight...at this point i cut weed down to just weekends....my mum was scared...she used to invite me to go swimming in a private pool and i would come but i would just sit there and watch..unable to move...the fatigue was unreal...absolute immense...like there is strings on my ears connected to bricks...like there was a cloud in my head that needed to be aired out...also in this time i literally became a nutritionist a biologist a chemist and physchiatrist all in one go..i was researching hours a day what could be wrong..until i found this forum with people feeling the same way i did

no one understood what was happening to me nor do i think my grandparents cared..they were in there own world..there 1969 world...i was born in a single parent family generation of london street kids where the streets literally create you and make you into a product of the enviorment which was a dog eat dog, kindness taken for weakness, cold, drug, evil satanic playground..where the most evil were on top. it was my fault in a way too but i grew up with the guys i did and stuck by them..even till today.

anyway i had some savings in the bank and with assistance of my mums and my grandparentes and my dad (who lives in another country) i went to australia to do the whole backpack work travel thing. my sister was there and the plan was to crash there until i find a job and then be on my way...anway i started smoking heavily again there as my sis and her bf did and everyone else living in that house and just everyone in general..plus i just love smoking...anway i found a job in the country on a farm and i was forced to quit as there was none thre....came back the symptoms of wanting to kill myself..the unable to think a thought..feel a emotion or just feel alive in any sense of the word...i was just literally a zombie...people thought i was a recluse or wierd but its just because someone would say something to me (the group of other young people working there) and it would take 2 seconds to digest what they said 2 seconds to think of something to say and then ill say it some slow groan and the conversation would just end there...i was f***ed. every night i would buy a botle of wine...drink it on my own by the pool while the others were down on the camp site partying and then i would just cry my self to sleep...once which a roomate saw and i made up some sh** like i missed home..but he knew something was up....it was hell. i cant describe the feelings..you dont feel anything completely numb...and in comparison to my former self where i could even have a conversation in a graveyard it was really depressing to knw that i had became a shell of my former self. If that.
i will describe the pain again...string on my ears attached to bricks forcing my head down..
a golf ball in my throat with the feeling of wanting to cry but cant
a cloud in my head pressuring my face eyes and brain
a background headache constantly
a horrible fatigue that would literally paralyse me i would be in bed all day and then get up have a head rush feel tired and just jump back into bed and look on my phone.

i was sacked within 2 weeks due to being lazy and went back to my sisters...
sister kicked me out after 3 months as my crippling fatigue was pissing everyone off in the house as i would sleep on the sofa like all day. i would work here and there but always get sacked for 'being too slow' or 'not being all there' heard that from so many managers....went docs and told them if they dont give zoloft or something antidepressing then im gonna go mad.

the most thing that made me mad was not feeling the way i was but speaking and meeting new people and them not knowing who i really was. they would just see this shell of man before them unable to coherently properly string together a point of view or a topic of coversation. this usually lead to the depression i felt and not depressed directly as a result of the weed. the feeling of not being able to be who i really was was depressing.

anyway kicked out of my sisters with a little bit of cash and got into the wrong circle and ended up getting arressted for something stupid and i got released on bail with a court date. I didnt show up at court twice as the first time i went to court i wasnt listening properly and didnt listen to the date they told me to come and then the next time i just plainly forgot due to being utterly stoned off my tits. They issued a warrant for my arrest, found me and then sent me to the jail house where they send people on bail. Then that place got full and i had a 10 day waiting period for my trial so they sent me to real jail and in there is where i realised that weed and has done a number on me. no normal functioning person ends up in jail....and not for the stupid sh** i ended up in there for. If i was fully operational with a working brain i wouldnt of even been kicked out my sisters... i would of had a stable job been living round the corner and enjoying the aussie weather aussie babes and general experience of living in another country away from home.

in the jail i realised enough is enough and time is to change i have to stop letting my life revolve around weed. I got released with a 700$ fine and i called my dad immediately. I told him i wanted to come to where he was (Turkey) (i am half turkish). He agreed and bought me a ticket. After sleeping rough a couple nights with the help of salvation army (sister had left australia at this point) i got on the plane and arrived there... knowing that real journey of qutting was about to begin.

so from the begining to the end of this story it has been 6 years. Started smoking at 16 and I am now 22 turning 23 in a couple months. I have been in Turkey now for 5 months and have been clean the whole time. I started work as a teacher in the second week and that has been an absolute roller coaster of a ride. First couple of weeks i was fine as i was in a safe enviroment i escaped the hell of australia and i didnt have no rent or any bills. But since then its been up and down with some nights i just think about ending it all...and just dieing but my family already messed up i couldnt do that to them...i would end their lives in a way too...at school miraculously i have been able to pull it off...usually with about 3 coffees in the morning 2 in the afternoon sometimes more... i know people gonna say ''ohh you should stop that too'' but seriously with the way im feeling i need that sh**...sometimes even in the class i **** up and the students notice but thank lord they dont complain...but 85% of the time im cool...the symptoms come and go...sometimes in a day i can have 4 emotions...estactic...euphoria..depressed...fatigued or any of those in an order...im lucky i can be open to my dad and talk about the weed and what it has done and what it does to me today. He does get mad though when im rude due to not wanting to talk to him or his friends that visit the house sometimes...i just lock myself in my room.

on the good days im on cloud 9 and people flock around me for a conversation or just some energy exchange. on the bad days im bumping into people..i miss my bus..my classes are sh** and students are bored.. and i cant string together a thought and the clouds come back and my head and posture is low and uncofindent. I usually leave work as soon as i finish and i dont say bye to anyone...sometimes people ask me ''are you okay'' and the usual one is ''i have got a headache'' on the real bad days i am in bed all day till night time unable to move by a crippling fatigue

I eat well..walk to work everyday and play football twice a week. What i have found to be an absolute god send in all of this is 5-HTP (solgar brand)...i take two at night as if i take during the day it makes me drowsy...it boosts serotonin production. When i stop ttaking them i notice a difference.
Also Chlorella is the oldest plant on earth and its 100% natural and great for energy and removing toxins from the blood. ı take 4 of those capsules a day (solgar brand).

The stuff I was smoking?
High grade light green potent skunk. All different kinds, cheese, blue cheese, dutch orange, purple haze, strawberry haze, amnesia, white rhino..I mean it was the strongest stuff to date..seeds sent from amsterdam and america.
Went to amsterdam twice and literally smoked till i passed out....(left the cafe and fell on the floor and smashed my head on a bike rack)

Science
What I believe to be true is that our brains enjoy some kind of routine and also adapts to balance any chemicals changes. So after smoking almost everyday for 6 years the brain has realised that its serotonin and dopamine sources comes from an outside source aka the joint and it doesnt need to produce it itself as it gets all its sufficient needs from outside sources. Therefore the serotonin and dopamine receptors are numbed and dulled and the brains capability to make its own sero and dopa is lessened. Also to accomodate all the excess dopa and sero it burns it up faster to get rid of it as so much is coming from the joint. So when we do stop and we dont build up stores of sero and dopa on our own then the brain is still using the same mechanism of burning it up quickly which i believe can lead to rapid mood changes in the day where one minute you feel okay and the next minute you want to die.

Anway
5 months clean and i didnt need a method or technique to stop. The way i feel is so terrible and the places i was lead down by it is enough to make any man stop and never look back.
But to be fair weed is a wonderful drug i recommend to anyone but for it to be used moderately and by someone without a family history of abuse and addiction. another thing to add is that im not wanting a feeling of being on cloud 9 all the time just a constant where i can wake up and say 'im just going to be who i am today' but in this whole thing sometimes i feel like i lost who i am..ive stoned them off..i just want a constant feeling..or any feeling will do...but i got the strength to carry on!!

Hope this read has helped anyone feeling remotely the way I do and wishing everyone strength on their recovery.

Peace

Tokes

It's really interesting but I think you were not a chain smoker. If you were so, then it would be very tough to leave weed. Whatever, I just say, well done. Most of the addicted poeple do hard work to leave weed. http://canadiancentreforaddictions.org/how-to-stop-smoking-weed-forever/; hope you will get inspired to leave it.
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#48

Postby tokes » Sat Jul 01, 2017 5:34 pm

Still bobbling along with life. Still progrrssing with my personal and professional life. Still smoking here and there when I feel like. Can say no if it's around and I don't want it. Doesn't effect me. In terms of PAWs maybe a few days after use I feel low or can't sleep well but nothing that isn't combatted by excercise or eating well by drinking detoxing drinks or going to the sauna and steam room. So generally everything is okay and nothing really to report as weed doesn't have a control over my life or my behaviour/functions as a human being. I smoke maybe once a month for a period of 2-3 days to finish the bag. Last month I just had 1 or 2 joints. No effect on me. This level of smoking has continued since January with sometimes breaks of up to 6 weeks. Anyway will report back again.
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#49

Postby tokes » Mon Nov 27, 2017 5:27 pm

Almost daily use

Must cut back
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#50

Postby tokes » Mon Nov 27, 2017 5:38 pm

Almost daily use. Back in England now. Started uni. uni and weed complement each other nicely lol. Just in a strange position at the moment in life as most people come across and weed helps. Still goal driven and motivated so nothing comes before them. Feeling in control mentally. Realisation it's been a year of smoking regularly. Getting into work next task. Will update this soon.
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#51

Postby tokes » Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:45 pm

I'm violently ill in bed after the recent snowfall in England so I'm
Here to post.

Something I posted on YouTube today:

The weed nowadays is different. The seeds are made in labs. There are plenty of videos on YouTube of them making the seeds and growing the plants in labs. Also the lights and the general environment is exposing the plant to unbelievable amount of radiation, and also a lack of fresh clean oxygen which is the base element of most things in life.

My sister smoked everyday for years (but had a successful work and social life) and her body ended up developing an allergy to one of the proteins in weed.

It took the doctors a year to find out what is was. This protein is found in many green fruits and vegetables. Her life took a drastic turn and she could have gone into anaphylactic shock while eating anything.

She quit weed and after a year
The allergy had gone and her life returned to normal. She vowed never to touch it again and hasn't...

The weed seeds are also infertile and they don't grow again. You can see now weed is not the innocent plant of the 70s anymore.

I quit for 2 years after depression and mental issues. However I started again recently and take 2-3 days off a weeks. However in these 2-3 days I can't eat or sleep and feel terrible and look terrible. I then think is it worth it? But then I spark that spliff right up again and it confirms it is worth it. I currently go to one f the best universities in my country and also work. But like I said is the 2-3 days of feeling like a heroin addict and snapping at everyone worth the 3-4 days of smoking? I don't know but we will see.

Take care all
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#52

Postby tokes » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:39 pm

Back into a daily cycle.....****
Massive headache when waking up after smoking ....twice

Only smoke 1-2 in the evening when everything is done. Still functional and sharp despite my continual use for over a year now.

In summary

I’ve quit for 1.5 years and I’ve been smoking for 1.5 years since the last of the quit.

I know my brain is tipping past the point of balance where inevitably I’m gonna have to deal with the shitty symptoms as t rebalances itself....or maybe I can stop with only minor withdrawals seeming as I’ve done it before?

Well I guess why I’m writing sh** down...just to see.
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#53

Postby P1991 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:28 am

Hi tokes Happy New Year pal.
I have just read through your whole journal since I have been up all night as ive been struggling really bad lately to sleep lol. I'm currently just under 3months since I quit smoking bud.
Firstly I'd like to say thankyou for keep updating through your journey as it was 2015 when you started this.
I've been through all the same emotions and can relate to them. I'm currently stopping weed for the second/third time now.
As I was reading through I got the impression (although I could be wrong) , you sound as though you are letting the weed get the better of you again and are telling yourself it's ok the smoke it because you feel ok for now. I stopped for 1year , 2 years ago and went back to it because I thought I was ok and now I'm going through all the same sh** again but this time is worse than before . I don't recommend getting back into the habit of smoking again as it would be a waste of time effort and hard work what you put yourself through before . I agree with you that the stuff isn't the same as it used to be many years ago and believe the seeds have been genetically modified . The growers are flooding the plants with all sorts of chemicals & growing them under artificial light. None of this is natural. All of this combined is causing people to have all sorts of problems. Anything in moderation is fine but unfortunately for some people it just doesn't work like that and becomes a regular thing again. Hope to hear from you soon and good to know everyone else is relating to your post. Take care Chrs
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#54

Postby tokes » Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:32 am

I had a pretty bug-out psychotic episode last night.

Smoked my late night joint before bed and became paranoid. Usually I can mentally overcome it but this was pretty gripping and unshakeable. I convinced myself there were mice and ghosts in the room:...what a f***ing combination. This led to a restless night sleep.

1991 - thanks for reading through. I know someone out there relates so that’s why I update. I’m sure there are people around my age in the same situation. Scary to hear that the paws came back worse than before. The psychotic episode I had the other night was one of the worst I’ve ever had as I was unable to use reason and logic to dispel my ridiculous ideas. It’s obvious a sign...brains taking a beating.

And yes. It is taking a hold again. You can tell the way I write in comparison to before. I write quickly and rushed as opposed to relaxed.

Interesting what you said about the seeds. The whole growing process is so unnatural. From seed to harvest. I always try to buy dry bud with a snappy stem...at least it’s been cured properly so all the chemicals can air out of it. The sticky bud gives me literally a sticky feeling in my brain. The crisp dry bud is smoother.

Like you said...it feels ok now and that’s why I haven’t stopped. But as we all know it’s only a matter of time before it feels shitty again and your responsibilities start falling apart.

Will update soon..


Peace
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#55

Postby P1991 » Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:42 pm

The thing is tokes even though you are airing and curing the bud you've got to think of it logically before the bud is even formed, the plant is being fed and flooded by some people on unnatural chemicals. I.e. To make the buds bigger.
"You only get out of something what you put in it"
I'm no expert on this but that's just my opinion and another thing is some growers may not even be flushing the plant out atall, by then it's too late, chemicals are still in the bud itself and then we smoke it. Hence why it don't feel right at time. (Who knows)
Hang in there pal . At least you have been through it before so if you do choose to stop then you now know what to expect second time round.
Be careful of those mice and ghosts mate! Haha . Peace out
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#56

Postby tokes » Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:22 pm

I have to stop and I have to stop now. I have been mentally ok and have been able to conduct all my duties and responsibilities efficiently but physically not.

I experienced something similar to a panic attack except my heart rate slowed tremendously, to the point that I was on the floor sweating thinking my heart was going to stop. I was in a taxi at the time and I had to tell him to pull over so I could stagger on the floor. What a f-cking scene.

I thought ok what could this be? I decided the next day to test if it was the weed and guess what it was. I smoked two puffs and I could feel the exact same thing coming on again except I hadn't had enough of the joint for it to fully effect me.

My weed brain was telling it wasn't the weed and that its something else. To finally lay this voice to sleep I tried to have a few more tokes another day later. The same thing happened and I was able to overcome it with great mental strength.

I am now slightly worried about my heart as now even on normal days it doesn't feel right and I can often suddenly become sweaty with a shortness of breath.

I will go to the doctors to check if my heart is ok.

This is it. The end. I will never ever smoke again. I can't. I would literally die.

Will keep the updated if there is any lasting heart damages or changes.

I have read that it can cause temporary cardiomyopathy. Its worth looking up.

Peace
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#57

Postby tokeless » Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:42 pm

The weed seeds are also infertile and they don't grow again. You can see now weed is not the innocent plant of the 70s anymore.

It's an inanimate object. People messing with weed is what's changed it. What you're saying is like blaming guns for killing more people than they did before. I agree weed has become Frankenstein's monster but it's man that did it.
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#58

Postby tokes » Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:37 am

Yeah I basically agree with that point probably I just worded it wrongly. As always we f***ed it up. You will see in probably the next 30-50 years growers going to the 4 corners of the earth to find real organic seeds because they realise that our bodies and minds are not reacting well to these new forms of high grade strains.
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#59

Postby tokes » Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:44 am

After last nights post I immediately had a panic attack and collapsed. I scrambled/crawled to the neighbour. They called 999 seeing I was f***ed.

An ambulance came and got me, I was sweating profusely especially from the palms and my heart was gonna explode. Pains in my arms and neck.

Did an ECG and blood sugars. No probs.

Doc said panic attack. And guess what triggered it? Yeah you guessed it. It was one the scariest moments of my life and I'm a tough cookie.

Im glad it happened in a way. It means I can never touch it again or I will be on deaths door.....literally.

Wow what an experience. Luckily universities are striking so I have the week off.

Peace
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