Worried about a friend

Postby secretlysad » Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:17 pm

A few months ago my best friend found out she was underweight. She has always been small with a small appetite and she just laughed it off.
Recently she joined the gym and I heard her make a comment about how she 'felt fat in what she was wearing'. I have struggled and still am struggling with my own self image but I don't know how to approach this topic with her. I'm worried she sees herself differently that she is and that it might effect her health. I don't have much knowledge of eating disorders so I'm asking people with experience in a situation like this for help.
How should I approach her without offending her??
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Aug 28, 2015 2:22 am

I would not recommend approaching about this specific topic. She knows she is underweight.

If she is a best friend then I take it you are in regular communication. On a regular basis, just start making comments about how unattractive you find unhealthy, women. Explain your values, repeatedly. Reference using BMI, the negative impact of airbrushed photos, impacts of anorexia, etc. etc.

As an example. What if you were thinking about getting breast implants. I recognize this is not the same as weight, but it is just an example. If your best friend started mentioning how it was against her values, that she lost respect for woman that found it necessary to get implants would it at least not give you pause, maybe question your choice? Or would you just say screw what my best friend thinks and it would have no impact on your thoughts?
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#2

Postby samantha_sm » Sun Jan 17, 2016 1:42 pm

I also have a very good friend of mine who is underweight. I have also heard her saying that she doesn't like herself and would like to change. Usually, when we go out, she eats only a little bit and the explanation is always the same: I already ate at home. We try to make her come with us swimming, hoping that she might feel more tired and as a result, eat more so that she can have her necessary protein intake. I am also very worried about her. We were at my place once when there was a TV series on eating disorders and she immediately changed the channel so I am not quite sure if she is aware of her problem and trying to avoid it or she just doesn't realize it.
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#3

Postby JuliusFawcett » Sun Jan 17, 2016 10:40 pm

With love, with acceptance, with respect and with a listening ear
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#4

Postby Christine132456 » Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:58 pm

I have recovered from my eating disorder. I am quite young and feel I will be around the same age as you and your friend, it was such a hard time for me because I was constantly worried that I was going to get fat, I didn't realise how stupid I was being, I was below 6 stone at my worst and now I'm almost 8 which is such an improvement. The ONLY thing that got me through my problem was that I knew how much my mum cared about this unhealthy way of life, and that's how I changed. Your friend needs to know that you are there for her, and concerned, so she knows that people are worried, even if she looks uncomfortable talking to you about it. Tell her that you are there if she needs you, and that you will support her through this hard patch in her life.
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#5

Postby Hovehypnotherapist » Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:07 pm

Christine132456 wrote:I have recovered from my eating disorder. I am quite young and feel I will be around the same age as you and your friend, it was such a hard time for me because I was constantly worried that I was going to get fat, I didn't realise how stupid I was being, I was below 6 stone at my worst and now I'm almost 8 which is such an improvement. The ONLY thing that got me through my problem was that I knew how much my mum cared about this unhealthy way of life, and that's how I changed. Your friend needs to know that you are there for her, and concerned, so she knows that people are worried, even if she looks uncomfortable talking to you about it. Tell her that you are there if she needs you, and that you will support her through this hard patch in her life.


Yes I agree with Christine. The most important thing you can do is tell her you are there for her and that you care deeply for her and want her to be happy and that you have noticed she seems unhappy. Don't make any judgement or give your opinion as you there is the risk you will upset her. Just keep reinforcing that you care for her and ask her if there is anything you can do to help. It sounds very likely she has some kind of eating disorder.
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#6

Postby samantha_sm » Thu Feb 11, 2016 6:59 pm

Christine, thank you for sharing your story.

Sometimes I feel so helpless but I guess me being there and letting my friend know I'll always be there, is the best thing I can do, as you said. Even though my friend is so stubborn, I know it is very hard for her and she realizes that there is something wrong. I think it is only about time she finds out what the problem is and when she does, I'll be there to help her get through it.
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#7

Postby Purple_Monkey » Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:15 pm

I've been in the similar situation. My university friend went from overweight to super skinny. When I met her for the first time she was about 170 cm and 75 kg. I don't know how much she weights now, but looks really unhealthy with protruding bones. Now I am in a low normal BMI range and she looks much thinner than me. I don't know, if it was a right decision, but I just to talk to her about this situation and talled her about me expereince dealing with Eating Disorder(I also had the same problem during my adolescence), but she just denied that she has a problem.
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#8

Postby Christine132456 » Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:56 am

Hi Secretlysad, it's been a few weeks and wondered how your friend is doing and if she made progress?
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#9

Postby Dalie » Sat May 28, 2016 6:07 pm

I must admit that slim people sometimes really feel that they are a bit "fat". I can't explain this somehow, but I feel this from time to time too. You should take your friend and go shopping in order to make her remind that her clothes' size is really small and she can't be fat or look such way
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#10

Postby handheart » Sun Aug 28, 2016 6:36 am

Yea people are dicficul and maybe saying her that its not good maybe will ofend him
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