I'm 9 months clean of marijuana and I've been feeling really discouraged about the quitting process lately and starting to feel like I would be better off smoking again. I have been visiting this site and reading other's post for a while and recently decided to post something. After looking through other's posts on here (again) and seeing how some people didn't really start to feel better till a year I'm reminded that I just need to keep going.
I'm going to begin documenting my progress here so I will be able to look back and see how far I've come because without this documentation it's hard for me to recognize that I've made any progress when I'm 9 months in and still feeling terrible.
So, here's what I'm feeling...
I'm struggling with extreme social anxiety, it's hard for me to even look people in the eye and have a coherent conversation. I'm not too anxious once I'm home alone and unfortunately that has led to isolation pretty much all the time except for when I'm at work which obviously isn't helping. It's a vicious cycle, my anxiety is present when I'm interacting with people so I isolate and the isolation further contributes to the social anxiety. I'm anxious because I isolate and I isolate because I'm anxious like Fat Bastard with eating. Ha! Have to find humor in this situation or I'm lost.
Another disturbing symptom, probably worst of all is the depersonalization/derealization. It's a very strange feeling that I can't even properly describe in words and I'd rather not try to think about how I could describe it, immersing my mind in the details of the symptom. I think that's one of my main problems is that I'm so stuck in my head and constantly thinking about the symptoms and why they're present and what I can do to fix them. Obviously, I need to take steps to better myself but I can do so without the obsessive thoughts.
It's also frustrating to feel as though there's something blocking my neural pathways and I'm just not as sharp as I use to be, I struggle with simple problems and even just finding the words that I'm looking for in conversation. It's strange because I always assumed that once I stopped smoking weed mental sharpness would be one aspect that would improve. Oh well, I think it's just that the brain is preoccupied with rewiring itself to learn how to function again without a constant flow of THC and once it has had time to do so it will function again at full capacity, hopefully even more so than when I was stoned all the time but at this point I would be happy if it would just returned to that level.
I actually feel pretty decent tonight, I wasn't feeling great this morning which is typical when I wake but I tend to level out as the day progresses. Back to work tomorrow and I plan on getting back on my exercise regimen tomorrow as well, I know how much that was helping before I stopped doing that.
This is kind of just going to be a stream of consciousness for my own therapeutic purposes so if you're reading this you might see that my posts really don't have purpose or direction. But feel free to chime in if you'd like, I'd enjoy a back and forth with someone who is in a similar situation.