I lied to get people to like me.

Postby Ophilocked97 » Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:16 pm

When I was younger I lied a lot to get people to like me. I grew up and I started to get the reason : I wanted to fit in.
I never paid to attention to it because i was a kid,its not liked anyone told me that I was horrible because of it.
But i did it again and I'm not a kid anymore.
I started a course because i left college because of my depression. People where talking about tv shows they liked and this girl asked me if I watched certain tv show and you can tell what happened. ..I lied. Even later I kept lying about other things,nothing huge that can make me get in trouble. But I lied.
And I hate it. Because it makes me feel awful, because even little lies can show people that im pure sh**.
I know that next time when that girl asks me about that show i can say:nah,i know about the show but i don't watch it.
It doenst change that i'm a liar.
I need advise i don't know how to deal with this.
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#1

Postby hubertkoh » Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:48 am

I think you need to get out of this insecure phase.

Remember, you were born to stand out, not FIT IN. Fitting in will not get you very far. The most successful or amazing people in the world are rebels, outliers.

Try reading books, like this case outlier by malcolm gladwell!

Secondly, you are depressed because you do not love yourself. Self -love is very much understated. Im not self promoting but I will recommend you to read my book 101 uplifting affirmations for radical self-love and 67 golden rules to success.

Thirdly, meditate. Meditation by far is one of my most useful whenever i hit lows in my life. It always somehow manage to calm me down, and keep me in check. No other person can do tha for you BUT YOURSELF. and meditation is the tool.

This is going to be a long process, but i wish you all the best. dont expect instant results. But you will get there slowly, in months or even a year.

All the best. :)
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#2

Postby jenn_ » Thu Mar 24, 2016 11:30 am

I have been through the stage of lying to fit in. Not long after I have identified a couple of problems.

First, I don't gain much popularity by doing this. Yes I am able to fit in. I say things that people may like to listen to in general. People find me nice and easy going. I have plenty of friends. However, I lack a strong personality. I can be easily forgotten.

Second, I am pretending to be another person. Even though I succeed in getting people to like me, they don't really like the real me. They like the person I am faking. What's the point of doing it? I want people to appreciate who I really am, not an image I create.

Third, I have been wearing a mask for so long that I sometimes forget who I really am. The lying thing consumes my energy and I don't have much left for developing my own personality.

Friends who love me the most are those I don't lie to. They see the real me, which is kinda weird, lazy, emotional and maybe sometimes arrogant. But they also see the best side of me, the kind, creative and adventurous me. As I am not lying, I am feeling comfortable being myself and then the best side of me naturally shows up. Of course there are people who don't like me when I am not lying. But I'd rather being loved by some friends then being generally accepted by people whom I don't have strong connection with.

Above all, self love is the key. If you love yourself enough, you can handle rejection easily. You don't have the urge to fit in. Being loved is what we want. And the best love is always within ourselves.

Good luck!
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#3

Postby cynthialeighton » Thu Mar 31, 2016 6:53 pm

Ophilocked97 wrote:I need advise i don't know how to deal with this.


Here's something that might work for you: forgive yourself and start over.
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#4

Postby laureat » Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:36 am

You should not feel guilt about lies

To lie is natural, animals keep faking to be bigger, faking to be stronger so the other animal dont attack or they get themselves a date

To lie is natural, never feel guilt about faking to be bigger, faking to be stronger,

But what you should understand is that you are already great enough and you dont have to fake it , because you already are, you just need to be,

College or courses it is all bs , you simply have to do something so you can make a living, you are already great and you dont need college to be greater, you only need these for a job , but a job can be found even without some ignorants aproval ,
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#5

Postby prololies » Sat Apr 09, 2016 11:03 am

You should try talking to more people and just be yourself to the max. Talk to people about the things YOU like to do and things you like to say. Anything that pops into your mind, just say it... I know it sounds ridiculous but trust me, it works. Soon enough, you'll realize it is okay if some people do not like you for who you are, it's normal, this is life, but it will feel 10000 times better when someone really likes you for being yourself, I promise. It will be worth it. I was like you a few years ago but i started going out more often, doing more things and talked to more people and I made a lot of real friends that know who I really am and not the "fake me". Hope this helps
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#6

Postby darmos653 » Sat Apr 16, 2016 1:22 pm

Ophilocked97,

Try to start thinking about being truthful and honest as being exciting and adventurous. You never know what might come up and lead to something great. Obviously sometimes you'll find yourself in disagreement with some people about some things but so what? So long as you don't overdo it and end up replacing honesty with tactlessness you'll be ok.

One of the best ways to help have a fun and fulfilling life is to find people that you're on the same page with, and to do that you need to be honest about what you like and don't like and so on.
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#7

Postby abel mekasha » Mon Apr 18, 2016 7:47 pm

hey, i see that you are an honest and decent person, to fix this, you only have to do one thing, reduce the friends u hang out with, you are in trouble because you hang out with people who are called the coolest, well u lie to them, when u reduce ur friends, u will find ur true friends, finished. u wont lie, because u are an honest person, peace!
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#8

Postby abel mekasha » Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:01 pm

I actually support it some percent, u should to people if they keep criticizing your thoughts, but choose the person u lie to, lie to irrelevant people, but dont lie at work place or assignments, if u are a student. Because it has risk. Also dont lie to ur gf Otherwise, lie to the jerks, who cares, they dont affect ur life in anyway.
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#9

Postby AlexD » Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:54 pm

If you are feeling nauseated by lying, it means you are ready to reverse the pattern. Congrats. And also great job for sharing such a hard truth about yourself. We know this is not easy to do, so you've already taken the very first step!
You don't have to lie to anyone. You see, it is not your obligation to please them and make them feel good about themselves. And there are so many ways to accomplish these things, if you really genuinely want to help someone feel great about being with you, just be sincere and be yourself. People don't have to always like you. Just as you don't always like them. Some people will be more approachable than others, and your life goals and interests will ultimately determine this.
Do not lie selectively. That will only prevent you from reversing the habit as fast as you want. Once you have recognized it's an unhealthy habit, work vigorously toward getting rid of it. And yes, choose your company of people who appreciate you for who you are.
It will take some time to re-create yourself, as now you will be striving to say what's true. Do not allow yourself any more slacks. That way you will build your self-integrity faster, like a cold turkey type of thing when stopping smoking or drinking compulsively. Remember that ultimately it is about you. What type of a person do you really desire to be? And look, you will not find yourself unless you create yourself first. Good luck on your journey!
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