People get insulted when you doubt in their statement?

Postby Hamming » Tue Jul 12, 2016 5:14 am

Hi,

reading the recommented book - how to win friends and influence people. THere is one paragraph which I have to read each morning before breakfast. So I read it everyday. After few weeks of reading and discussing with my friend, I noticed one thing:

it is written that people get insulted when you doubt in their statement.

So the logic looks like this: it was written to not tell people they are wrong if they are not asking even when 100% they are wrong. So when he says statement, he thinks he is right, and when you doubt it, its similar to you saying he is wrong I guess.

Ok, now what to do in that situation? First thing comes to mind - do not even say that you doubt. The problem is, maybe you would not doubt if you get more arguments which make sense to you. But how to get more arguments wihtout affecting his ego?

Another case - he just does not have good enough arguments for you to believe, besides saying he is more experienced, just believe in him. For me, the logical person, its hard to believe when you do not see the clear logic.

What to do in that situation when you doubt?
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#1

Postby Crankor » Fri Nov 18, 2016 12:59 am

Depends on the kind of person they are. Are they the kind that are reasonable to admit they might be wrong/open to another possibility or the type that you mentioned having their ego run their mouth to point of them speaking even more nonsense..... In the second, it's usually better to just let them be wrong, other wise it's a matter of how you word your argument with them.
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#2

Postby Roady » Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:44 am

Hamming wrote:Hi,
reading the recommented book - how to win friends and influence people.


Why in the world should you need to win friends, and need to influence others?
It seems to me that the source of the author is not pure and sincere. It's pure manipulation imo.

it is written that people get insulted when you doubt in their statement.

It's only a statement in the mind of the author. If somebody tells you something and you don't agree with that, well you can place your opinion against it. As always, the tone is making the music.

It has everything to do with the fact that most people have struggles with saying: "well maybe you are right, and I may be wrong". Their self-esteem is connected to their (level of) knowlegde, which of course is bull sh#t.

Ok, now what to do in that situation? First thing comes to mind - do not even say that you doubt. The problem is, maybe you would not doubt if you get more arguments which make sense to you. But how to get more arguments wihtout affecting his ego?


Do something that most people are not doing:
Ask for information. Ask, ask, ask.

Another case - he just does not have good enough arguments for you to believe, besides saying he is more experienced, just believe in him. For me, the logical person, its hard to believe when you do not see the clear logic.

Most people are not transparent and insecure. They have such behavior. Or they just are not able to explain there statement further.

What to do in that situation when you doubt?


What actually is wrong in your opinion with doubting?
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#3

Postby AlexD » Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:53 am

You are reading Dale Carnegie. This is an iconic book and has tremendously helped thousands of people. Good for you. Now, remember each situation is different. I love the saying "Trust but verify". Carnegie's book was written to help people succeed in work situations, business situations, etc. When you are talking about a close relationship, when people live together and get to know each other really well, things get a bit different. Diplomacy is great, yet more sincerity and honesty is necessary in a close relationship.
When you disagree, you can point it out in several ways. You can simply check the facts for yourself and then very kindly tell him/her look, I checked this for myself just to make sure and here is what I found. Ask them what they think about that.
Another way to put it is to simply tell them that you will check for yourself as you have suspicions that the truth may be different and you have every right to assure yourself. Really depends on the situation.
Communication is a two way thing. If the other party consistently likes to impose their opinion on you regardless of facts, you may want to think if this is the best person to be around. Why would have to constantly struggle to get your point across?
Also, ego display is a very sad way to handle a relationship. You worry about his ego. What about you?
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#4

Postby All in the mind » Sat Nov 19, 2016 1:14 pm

What is the situation, your goal, the sensitivity of the other person, the impact/consequence of the statement on you/your work place?

At one end of the continuum, people do get insulted, angry and then make a huge effort to prove that they are right because of their ego. If you are looking to potentially build a relationship, help them to believe that they are right; give them what they need to hear. You may find that as you get to know them, their need to be right is more important than (the value that you place on) the relationship. Then keep your distance from them.

On the other side, the people that you get closer to will not be insulted by your disagreement. Tact is a useful skill to develop. Between you both, you will not let one fact/value/opinion get in the way of a relationship. You will respect each other's views (whether right or wrong).
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#5

Postby Hamming » Wed Jan 04, 2017 7:27 pm

Why in the world should you need to win friends, and need to influence others?
It seems to me that the source of the author is not pure and sincere. It's pure manipulation imo.


because firends are good :) Why need to influence others? Because otherwise there are conflicts. I need to think them same way as me, then its much easier to be in relations.

If its manipulation, then ok, what can you do. I just simply want to have better relationships and have fun.


What actually is wrong in your opinion with doubting?

I do not understand question
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