My height worries me - please help!

Postby ericchrys » Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:08 pm

Hello All and thanks in advance for taking the time to read my post and for giving me advice!

Right i am 27, and i have just noticed recently that my height could be mainly the reason why i am still single.
I am 5ft8. I recognise i used to be very poor in self esteem during my adolescence (the results were very catastrophic in terms of first experience, etc.). Then when i was 22 i saw a psychologist who helped me developing my confidence, and nearly a year after, i could see some results, i was a bit satisfied (i managed to go out with some girls). But then i just realised from the age of 25 that i was dating a girl, everything went good but after about 5 months she said she wanted to stop while i was falling in love with her, she said she likes me but she doesn't see me as a boyfriend. I was tremendously disappointed. I also realised from online dating that the girls always asked my height (based on my pictures, etc.), a lot of them stopped chatting after that. I also noticed some girls accepted the first date (everything went perfectly, conversation, date, smiles, etc.) but the girl is still left with the doubt, then comes the sentence "I am happy to see you but as a friend". :(

I noticed they prefer much taller men and also the shortest girls (5ft5, etc.) are even more stringent with height and are looking for very tall men to find equilibrium for kids height.
I have a nice face and a nice smile and i have managed to have over the past 5 months at least 6 dates with 6 different girls, every time the dates went perfectly from my side (good laugh, etc.) but it went negatively after that ... Some say they see me just as a friend, others say "no chemistry", etc. I think it is due to my height?!
I have a nice face, very nice smile, etc. a good job as well and i dress well, i am sociable, etc. But the mystery is still on the height thing?
All my friends are in couple, all my colleagues as well, i always seem to be the only wrong sample, and also i am 27 now and have never had a proper relationship (my first sexual experience was at 22, i have been dating (5ft5, 5ft6 girls) after that but always for 2 months, 3, 4 or 5 months maximum because at the moment i make the request for relationship i get the famous reply "i like you and am happy to date you but i do not see you as a boyfriend" ... :(
I am really starting to worry about my future. It's a really difficult situation to handle, and also my parents put me pressure and do not seem to give me encouragement instead they tease me saying i am old and single, etc. It's really annoying to be single in such an environment. Why do girls give so much importance to height? (i see some guys not especially good looking from the face but tall and all in couple). Does that change much for a girl to date a guy of my height?

I am strong enough to give a girl the protection she needs just in case but do they think it all has to do with the height only?
I am not discouraged but sometimes your efforts do not pay straight away and you try to find out what's going wrong and improve it. But the height cannot be improved.
Also i read on some other forums that a woman in her 30's would more likely date a short man rather than in her 20's? Is it true? What advises can you give me?
I see some guys of my height dating beautiful girls out there (this is really rare to see, but i guess if i see it there is no reason why it should not be the case for me! So the hope is always there despite the fact that a lot of people seem impressed usually if they see me with a decent girl :P).

Thanks in advance for your help! :)
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#1

Postby Purple_Monkey » Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:24 pm

I think that your height is not the real problem. Probably your low self-esteem is more important and you should focuse on it. People see us a lot the same way we see ourself. Not only perfect people(who actually don't exists at all) can get married.

For example one of the most popular guys in my university group was just 5 ft 5, but almost all girls from our group felt in love with him. I also don't pay any attention on guys heigh, even through I am big girl myself(5 ft 9). They are qualities, which are much more important for me, than height.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:28 pm

Yes, girls typically like to date tall guys. They also like to date guys that have hair, that are not fat, that are muscular, of a certain age range, that have a certain skin tone, that have a penis of adequate size, that have straight teeth, that have XYZ, blah, blah, blah.

Almost every single man on the face of the planet has some limiting factor that a percentage of the opposite sex doesn't find attractive. So what?

Confidence. Women love that, pretty much universally. You are not just being rejected, because of your particular limitation, you are also being rejected because of your low self-esteem, your lack of confidence.

I'm tall, but I get rejected by women for other reasons. I don't get rejected by all women for my particular limitation, only some reject me. What should be my excuse for when a woman dates me and then after some period of time we go our separate ways? It is bull to say it is my limitation, the same as it is bull to say it is because you are short.

PS, plenty of short men have absolutely stunning wives.
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#3

Postby ericchrys » Fri Jul 29, 2016 6:37 pm

@ Purple Monkey : thanks for your reply, i appreciate that. I have another question, how can a woman judge that or guess that a man has a low self esteem just after having seen him for 2 or 3 hours on a first date?!

@ Richard : Thanks as well for sharing your case, it's an interesting comparison. The other question i have is what does self esteem REALLY MEANS in front of a woman? In front of a woman i always try to be natural (my nature is being attentive, smiling (a lot, could that be the problem?), listening to her, etc. But that doesn't seem to be enough. Is it something in particular i have to do that would make her think that i have a high self esteem?
I don't understand, i always have the idea in my mind that i can seduce a woman that i fancy, and i just try to be natural.
I recognise in the past (up to 22 years old) i used to be very shy and have fear of approaching a woman that i liked and telling her that i liked her. But i have worked on it and completed got over it now. Now i have nothing whatsoever that would block me from expressing my feeling to a woman, so it is certainly not the fear to share my feelings. Could that be on the technique of approach is there are any?
Thanks in advance
Eric
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 29, 2016 8:32 pm

Instead of years of dating, from roughly age 22-23 until 27, how many girls have you dated in your life? 5, 15, 50?

The reason I ask is dating is a skill. As an example, rural firefighters can be employed for the same number of years as their urban counterparts, but the sheer volume and variety of calls urban firefighters respond to results in their skill level typically being higher.

Basically, in your mind being able to seduce a woman you fancy is much different than actually doing so. In my mind I can shoot under par at any golf course in the world, but in practice I have a 20 handicap. In my mind I can bowl 300 at any bowling alley, but in practice my average is a 150. There is only one way for me to improve...play golf, go bowling, go on dates.
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#5

Postby ericchrys » Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:23 am

I have dated 7 girls so far between that period of time! Not a lot given the fact that these dates never lasted long (5 months maximum). And i often stay single for a good couple of months before finding a dating partner ...
So if i follow your theory i should keep practising the dating on a regular basis?
Also what is the tip to change the status of a girl you are dating, from "normal dating partner" to "your girlfriend"?
As this is the thing i have never been able to do :(
Every time i ask i always get a negative response meaning that the girl just wanted to sleep around for a bit with me but doesn't actually wants me or see me as a boyfriend for her ... That's the killing and breaking point for me! It happened every time with all the above cited girls and it is really heart breaking, especially when you have developed some love for the girl.
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:37 am

ericchrys wrote:I have dated 7 girls so far


I challenge you to date 7 girls in the next 7 weeks. Do not sleep with any of them. Take them on a date, done.

While you say you have no fear, you have self-esteem, you imagine yourself charming a woman, you are way over thinking things and your thoughts are not being proven by your actions.

What I think you are doing is you go on a date and wonder, "Is this the one, is this my life partner." You are putting every single date (generally speaking) on some pedestal and hope that they are your soul mate or soon to be soul mate.

Instead, you need to be treating women as people, not sex objects or potential life partners. The same way you can meet a guy for a beer, or have a guy to guy friendship, you need to stop idolizing or putting women in a different classification.

If I were to say to you, within 7 days go grab a beer with 7 different guys you would probably say, no problem, that is easy. Maybe, if you lack some social skills you might ask if we can make it 2 guys in 7 days. Fact is, within one month you would have grabbed a beer with more guys than the # of women you have dated in your entire life.

7 women, 7 weeks. Even if you really, really, really like date #1, it doesn't matter. You are stopping to "evaluate" and hope she is the one as you don't yet have the self-esteem or confidence to ask out a second and third women the same as you would a man.

Also what is the tip to change the status of a girl you are dating, from "normal dating partner" to "your girlfriend"?
As this is the thing i have never been able to do :(


Who the frick cares what you label them? What labels do you create for your guy friends? Do you have a normal guy friend and a best guy friend label? You are over complicating things. Go date, date some more, date some more and once you are juggling 5 to 7 friends that are girls, then you can start concerning yourself with which of those girls might be more than just a friend.
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#7

Postby ericchrys » Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:51 am

I think you are right by saying

###########
What I think you are doing is you go on a date and wonder, "Is this the one, is this my life partner." You are putting every single date (generally speaking) on some pedestal and hope that they are your soul mate or soon to be soul mate.
###########
Because at the moment i am looking for a girlfriend, not just dating a lot of girls around. So every time i am on a date i indeed imagine and question myself if it is the one. You are completely right about that.
So it seems the starting point is just meet the maximum of girls then!?

I take the challenge of 7 girls in 7 weeks. I have to work hard then! :)
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#8

Postby AchievingAwesome » Sun Sep 18, 2016 6:59 pm

I feel you man. The truth is biologically women are attracted to taller men because back then in the animal kingdom it meant they could be protected. However, are there examples of men who are shorter and have tall girlfriends? Yes. Are there men who are tall and are not successful with women? Yes. Are there short men who are successful with women? Yes.

In society there are people born with advantages, but an advantage does not equate automatic success, just as a percieved disadvantage does not equate automatic failure.

3 things to help you out:

1.You said that you would go on the date and the girl would friend zone you (Lets just be friends). The main reason this happens is because you did not flirt with the girl. You mentioned as well something about no chemistry. Flirting creates chemistry and gets her emotionally invested into you and sexually turned on. You may think you are flirting by saying a joke and both of you smiling, but this does not entail that you are actually sparking intrigue in her and making her ``chase`` for your affection. Flirting is a learnable skill by the way. It has nothing to do with height.

2.Do a balance between meeting girls in real life (Social events, parties, nightclubs, in the mall etc...) and internet dating.

When you meet someone in person, they evaluate you completely. Personality, appearance, scent etc... On the internet, they evaluate you based on your looks initially (in your case you are worried about your height). Clearly this medium is not best suited for you (you don`t have to leave it, but make a strategic move to get more success).

Meet some girls in person first and if you learn how to flirt with girls, you will see that many of them will get past superficial qualities like appearance, height etc...

3.Search for this video on youtube NOW

Rsd freetour: How To Pick Up Girls & Get An Awesome Girlfriend - Secrets Every Man Needs To Know!

The man in the video is named Owen Cook Aka Tyler. This is a guy who is 5`9, ginger and balding who has sex with beautiful women through meeting them in person and sparking attraction with them. He sucked with girls, and now is literally a magician with women. I`ve seen these guys in action in real life and they are incredible at meeting and attracting women. It may seem out there, but he is a funny guy and has advice that is actually tested and proven to work.

Best of luck!
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#9

Postby Marais » Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:08 pm

Its not about your height whatsoever. Its about you having low self esteem and being needy to girls.
Fix the low self esteem and you will be good to go.
Also dont do every sh** for girls that they ask you, you might think its good but it is not attractive at all for them, if you look around most people that act like 'assholes' are the ones attracting the girls the most. Height is really unimportant.
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#10

Postby Roady » Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:42 pm

Marais wrote:if you look around most people that act like 'assholes' are the ones attracting the girls the most. Height is really unimportant.


And why should that be?
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#11

Postby royaltywriter » Wed Nov 09, 2016 8:28 pm

Hi -

Well - while I can't reply to your post from a man's point of view, I can from a woman's. I believe confidence is this issue and because you are not confident and you focus on your height so much, you are running us (women) away. People, in general, are attracted to confidence, but for a woman, a man who is obviously confident in himself is a huge turn on.

I guarantee you that if you start esteeming yourself and valuing everything about yourself more and not magnifying something as minute as your height, you will experience a better outcome with women.

Trust me, height/looks isn't everything. We want to know what you are about. What qualities do you bring to the table? Bring confidence to the table and women will flock to you like moth's to a flame...

Best wishes!

~royaltywriter~
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#12

Postby Marais » Sat Nov 12, 2016 4:32 pm

Roady wrote:
Marais wrote:if you look around most people that act like 'assholes' are the ones attracting the girls the most. Height is really unimportant.


And why should that be?


It is because of their confidence and not giving a fuq attitude. Most guys are just chodes that would do anything for a girl but this is not drama movie, in real world you will be more attractive if you do your own sh** without being your gfs babysitter.
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#13

Postby AlexD » Wed Nov 16, 2016 6:48 pm

@ericchrys
Hello, sir, I am a certified self-confidence coach and a new member here. I read your post and the replies to it, some of which were very interesting and to some extent amusing, in a good way. I'll tell you right away that I am a woman who is almost 5'8'' tall. I am considered tall for a woman and many men have liked me so far. I am 40 and athletic as I eat very healthy and exercise quite a bit. My current boyfriend of 8 years is shorter than me (5'6''), and so was a man in the past whom I married and subsequently divorced (5'5''). Simply put, I don't care how tall my partners are. I care about what they have to offer as a person, including ethics, intelligence, knowledge, compassion, work ethic, and sense of humor. Yes, I also need to feel physically attracted to a man in order to date him. But I have never considered hight to be a factor. In other words, the fact that my boyfriend possesses all these qualities has never even made me think, let alone worry that he is shorter than me. I even wear high heels when we go to social events and he doesn't care and nobody else cares. He has self-esteem, just like the other members here are saying. If you let your hight bother you, then everyone around you will notice it. My former husband made frequent remarks about his hight to the point that it got really old. When he abandoned me, he married a woman that was shorter than him. That marriage did not last more than 2 years. We were married 6 years. So by now I hope you can see my point that your hight is not the issue. If you really want to find the issue, search better, deeper.
There is nothing wrong in asking questions of your dates as to what they are looking for in a partner. After all, you both know the purpose of the date, so why not ask these up front, say an hour or so into the date? Listen, if these women are even asking you how tall you are, clearly they care about very superficial aspects of a relationship and you should probably run the other way. Do you really want a partner who likes you just because you are tall? Many women have very weird preconceptions about a successful partnership. They do it for reasons not much different from the reasons that older rich men get younger "trophy" wives. It's a status display.
If you want a meaningful relationship, work on building your self-confidence first. Find what you think you'd like to improve on (please stop obsessing about hight!), and work on those qualities, whether by reading, by meeting likeminded people, or by taking some seminars, your choice. Keep dating in the meantime. Just remember that if you don't believe your qualities are more than enough to attract a good partner, nobody will believe it. You project the way you feel about yourself. Redirect your thought patterns and see what happens. There are many courses that can help you.
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#14

Postby ericchrys » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:19 pm

Hi AlexD,

Thanks for your reply which is very interesting to hear!
I didn't mean to say i am not confident. I have confidence in myself (maybe not naturally but i acquired it through the help of a psychologist when i was 22). I can improve it if i want, but i am always confident when meeting these girls, i am not shy (the proof is that i manage to date them for months!!). if i had lacked confidence i wouldn't even reach out get their beds in the first instance! The only thing that troubles my mind is why does it work for all my friends when it comes to proper relationship, and not for me, bearing in mind that my friends are all taller.
I understand your current and past relationship and marriage, but the question is how many women out there think exactly the same way you think? (not focusing on height only but also on other aspects of the individual).
For me when it comes to relationship (living together, building a family, having kids), that's when everything has crashed down so far.

Saying this happens because i am not confident is a bit basic/obvious/easy to say ... (without underestimating your advices). It is exactly what i used to be given as reason for never dating girls when i was younger than 22, but with the help of the psy now i know how to get confident and date these girls, i have invested time, effort and money to completely change my personality and be confident, the results are there today. it's just that when i ask a girl to be my girlfriend that's when everything goes down.
I also hear out there a girl would feel underestimated if she is seen out with a shorter man, in general! Could it be the reason?
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