How can I start feeling comfortable with myself again

Postby IDoNotKnow » Tue Aug 09, 2016 6:46 pm

This is my first post so I'm not really sure how to do this I guess. I had been contemplating joining a form like this for a really long time. I don't really feel like there's anyone in my life that I can talk to about how I feel. For the longest time I don't think I've ever liked myself. Ive always been shy and too scared to speak my mind especially in school. I always feel like people are talking about me everywhere I go. Like everyone is saying something mean about me. And it's always in the back of my mind even though I know no one is saying anything.

It wasn't so bad before. It got as bad as it is now a couple of months ago. At school someone took a picture of me on Snapchat and wrote something stupid on the picture. The person who did it was a somewhat popular senior and well me having been a junior at the time who had a lot of classes with seniors. It was inescapable the laughs and stares I would get. I couldn't express in words how tortures it was to go to school everyday .i had no friends in my senior classes because of course my friends were juniors like I and they had classes with juniors mostly. I unfortunately had been able to take some of my courses earlier than my friends because in middle school I was in an honors class. For months I let my confidence go to it's all time low while the kids in my classes whispered about me and took pictures of me when they didn't think I was looking. Soon the popular juniors in my grade joined in. I just started pulling away from my friends because I was scared they'd find out what was going on not want to be my friends anymore. So I saved them the trouble of having to feel bad for me and only speak to me when no one else was looking. I still think the worst part would have been if my best friend found out. I don't want her to see me differently.

Eventually I switched schools. My mom had began noticing how sad and depressed I was. And then the phones calls from school saying I was absent and that I had skipped this and that class started coming in. I ended up telling my mom everything and my mom's response was that I should just ignore them and curse them out if they say something to me. But I had been ignoring them for months and it was eating me inside the loneliness and hatred I now had for my self and the school that I went to if I cursed out one kid. That kid and his or her friends would probably just meet me outside and fit me or end up jumping me. Thats why i spent high school trying to be invisible and nice to everyone because I knew I wasn't in the best or safest school. The only reason I ended up switching schools was because i broke down crying every morning and my mom began feeling bad. So I got a safety transfer to another school. And I feel as lonely as ever. And I still can't shake the feeling that people are still saying things about me whispering that I'm that girl from Snapchat and taking pictures of me. I don't know why to do anymore.
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#1

Postby Translucent » Thu Aug 11, 2016 2:57 am

I can tell just by reading this that you are a phenomenal person who anyone in the adult world would be blessed to meet.

High school is good for some and a tragedy for others. I'm 24 and still reminiscing about high school. For instance, there were several girls who liked me, then when i didn't respond to them cause i had problems with depression (it's a long story), the whole school thought i was gay, or at least that's what i thought everyone thought about me. So, like you, i began to shy away from everyone and everything, in shame. I eventually dropped out and found unreliable under the table work until i had a breakdown and landed in the hospital.

Later i moved cities and found new friends, and have no relations with the people i knew in high school. Life is still hard, i'm on disability and getting by just barely but while everyone else is busting their asses working, i sit at home in my own apartment, play video games, listen to music and write poetry.
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#2

Postby IDoNotKnow » Thu Aug 11, 2016 9:06 pm

Thank you for the advice and I'm so sorry about how high school went for you. Lucky its only four years and I hope after it's over I can find what makes me happy. Are you happier now than you where in high school?
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#3

Postby Translucent » Thu Aug 11, 2016 10:27 pm

I'm not happier, but for different reasons. I'm on a medication that makes me drowsy, so i have no night life. I feel pointless, like i'm not part of anything. Having so much free time makes me think too much and i get anxious. Also i'm having a hard time concentrating on anything. On top of that i feel guilt for various reasons. I'll make a thread and explain everything there.

But what do you think will make you happy?
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#4

Postby laureat » Thu Aug 11, 2016 10:46 pm

you should trust oneself you can handle whatsoever you face ; you are good enough to do that

i have feared mistakes, i have feared humiliation, i have feared discomfort all because I did not understood those times that I could handle that, its a peace of cake

you have to trust oneself you are good enough you can handle, you can ignore the negatives its more easy than you may think about

its like one day you fear if someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer but for a second you just fear no more someone ask you 2+2 how much it equals you tell 2+2=5 and f off , why 5, because that is how I want it to be , so you feel less responsible to other people you don't care about impressing as much and there for you give oneself more freedom to breath, more freedom to relax, you start to enjoy you start to have good times

when you start to have good times, you change your belief of what you think life is, you say WELL I NEVER THOUGHT LIFE COULD BE THIS COOL, because you start to enjoy you learn ways to enjoy
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#5

Postby IDoNotKnow » Thu Aug 11, 2016 11:16 pm

I think getting out of high school and probably moving somewhere else would make me much happier
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#6

Postby Translucent » Fri Aug 12, 2016 12:35 am

Well let's look at your options.

1. You can focus on school work, and forget everyone else.
2. You can drop out at 16, work somewhere part time, then finish high school later.
3. Change schools, though often online bullying can follow you everywhere you go as it did with Amanda Todd.

These are just my ideas, feel free to post your own ideas for options, and we can discuss what will work best for you.
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#7

Postby laureat » Fri Aug 12, 2016 12:52 am

IDoNotKnow wrote:I think getting out of high school and probably moving somewhere else would make me much happier


well that could be an option
if we move somewhere else it is just different feelings and it could be a good start

you just have to be aware that we can change how we feel about something, by simply having some positive experiences as simple as that

I remember myself failing exams, people making fun of me and stuff like that which all create some kind of negative feelings about the environment and you just want to move somewhere else but with some positive experiences we can change how we feel about ,

trust me , give it just ONE SHOT, as I tell you

go there and SEARCH for a good time,
good time doesn't necessary mean lots of jokes and things like that
good times can simply be silence, relaxation, enjoyment, watching, nothing else involved you simply enjoying good times can also be like that

trust me give it one shot as I tell you search for positive experiences so you can change how you feel about the environment
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