Advice! PAWS/Withdrawal from years of BHO/Hashish/Cannabis

[lovelightandkittens]

Introduction:
Hello all, I have read many posts from people that have quit, 3, 6, 9 months and more here after years of cannabis abuse. It has been great to read how others have handled each of their unique situation. However, the more I am reading the more I just see negative posts and the general feeling of hopelessness. With that said, I am looking for people who are actually starting to feel better 12, 15 months or more. I'm just looking for reassurance that you do start to feel "normal". I quit smoking because I got an awful migraine that made me feel very uncomfortable. I got a panic attack from the migraine, and after that event ,every time I got high I would get a panic attack. Anytime I "don't feel right" I get a panic attack, or at least I used to.

My use:
I am 24 years old. I have abused cannabis for 9 years. I have smoked everyday, all day for 7 years. Most importantly, I smoked strictly BHO/Shatter/Wax/Crumble for 3 years straight, that's right no cannabis, strictly BHO. Most of the extracts I smoked were 70% THC or more, and I even had occasional access to shatter that was 85%, if 90% THC in some of the cold water extracts I would dab.

My discontinuation:
I am now little over two months clean, I try not to keep counting too much because it just makes me anxious. I have been free from smoking for around two and a half months, however. I have about one drink every week, perhaps times one drink every two weeks. I do not take any other drugs. I do not take any other medications, however do seek benzo's, and when I do find them they help me feel normal. I can rarely find benzos so usually I have no option but to do this entirely free of any other drugs.

My symptoms:
Dizzy, lightheaded, occasional vertigo, sometimes when I am working I feel like I am going to faint when I am moving around. Generally when I am on my feet moving around after about 3-6 hours I start to feel less dizzy, almost like it helps if I keep moving around. The first 2 hours of work I feel dizzy I have to take breaks and sit down. I feel very depersonalized, considering I hustled and more often than not had at least four ounces of high quality BHO sitting around for me to smoke, usually many different flavors. I don't hear things, I don't see things, I sometimes get very anxious that I am crazy, or that I am on the verge of some schizophrenic break, or that I am exhibiting mild psychosis. Or that I did damage to my brain that I will never feel normal again. Normal...

I don't feel normal. I feel like I am almost out of my body sometimes, I feel like when I am talking to my girlfriend I am not "all there", or that I am talking to her but it "feels like a movie", or sometimes doesn't feel real. I know it's real, but I have such a strange feeling it's not. I know better, however. I read often that for the first few months after years of smoking that many here feel as if they're "going crazy" but when they function they appear to everyone else as "perfectly fine", but inside you "feel crazy". The dizzy and lightheaded feeling is really hard to shake off. I also get PVCs, or palpitations. Some days are better than others, while some weeks are better than others and then there are the days where I get them from morning until night. Like many others I have read, most of my anxiety stems from the feeling I did something irreparable to my mind. But I do understand neuroplasticity, and when you change your environment and your habits it will change your brain.

But in all seriousness, from people that have made it 15, 19, 24 months...will I ever be able to lead and live a normal life? I hold down my job well, probably by the grace of God. But I want to function like a better boyfriend, I want to be a husband, I want to have a family and do all of those great things but I can't imagine doing those things right now with how I feel. I really want to cry while writing this, but tears will have to wait because I have to go buy some eggs. We're out of eggs!

Love you guys for your peaceful, positive responses.
Love & Light, Namaste
om gum ganapataye namaha

[NateTGreat]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

What you describe is all too familiar to many who have quit heavy, long term cannabis use. As for the concentrates, I believe that to be a whole different level of use. I myself pretty much vaporized only cold water hash and keif 3-4 times daily for the last 2 years straight of my use. I was in hell for the first 3 months of my quit. I stopped due to the worst panic attack of my life. Things haven't been the same since. I am almost 16 full months clean and things have gotten much better overall, but I still don't feel completely normal all of the time.

I felt compelled to respond as I experienced many of the symptoms you described to a T. The lightheaded, fainting feeling with dizziness lasted for nearly a year. Thankfully it is virtually gone now. I still get heart palpitations and actually have episodes of atrial fibrillation still, but they too have lessened in frequency and duration. Panic and anxiety is mostly gone. Head pressure and spaced out feeling is mostly gone. Headaches and DP/DR mostly gone too. I say 'mostly' for these symptoms, as the wave-like nature perpetuates an inevitable return at some point. I am way more clearheaded and confident that I will feel normal again than in my first year of quitting.

If you read through this forum you will find that your case, though unique, in not unusual. Check users like OldskoolRu, Salsa, JohnRLivingston, Brokenstoner, adamzapple, bvl, bobthebuilder, biggiesize, etc. to find many who went through the same thing. Also, I would like to give a shout out to these users for what they have been through, what they have overcome, and how they have helped others through their recovery.

My final point would be something of a miracle discovery. I want to mention the use of supplemental magnesium. I started using high doses of pico-ionic magnesium liquid about a month ago and I firmly believe that it has been the missing link. My heart palpitations have virtually vanished. I no longer get debilitating headaches any more. I feel much less anxious and depressed. I actually got an RBC Magnesium blood test and was found to be seriously low. Upon further research, I discovered that heavy cannabis use can actually deplete magnesium stores, which then leads to the multitude of symptoms associated with PAWS. If you search for magnesium deficiency symptoms you will find that they are very similar to that of PAWS symptoms. I believe that everyone that has been through this is magnesium deficient to some level.

Good luck to all and be well.
Peace.

[lovelightandkittens]

Thanks for your generous reply Nate. If I could have gone back and change the choices I made knowing the consequences I would have never started smoking like I did. Smoking BHO snd shatter for three years straight was awful. I smoked a gram of hash oil a day for a year straight. It's hard to believe I still have a brain. So DR and DP is derealization and depression, right? Derealization is common from heavy cannabis use?

I'm scared that I will never be the normal kitten I once was. Evidently my humor is intact. That's good.

[NateTGreat]

DR is derealization. DP is depersonalization. Essentially that out of body feeling or spaced out feeling. Like you're in a video game or virtual reality. I lived through that mostly for the first year. Judging on your use and current symptoms, you may have a long road ahead. It may take up to 2-3 years before you are feeling happy and normal, at least from what ive been told. I hope you feel well much sooner. Just take care of your self. Eat right, exercise moderately, dont do drugs or any mind altering substances, including caffeine, alcohol or refind sugar, etc. Especially don't do cannabis of any kind. You are healing. Give yourself every chance to let that happen.

This forum is a great resource for comforting you through the tough times. Read back through older posts. You will be fine in time. Stay positive and be patient.

[lovelightandkittens]

The best way I could see this is that 2-3 years seems like a lot, but sure is better than going to prison for 3 years for drug trafficking. In a way it's like I'm off to boarding school, or college getting a degree in sobriety. Hey Nate, you're a good man (assuming your name correlates to you being a male). Thanks for the encouragement. It doesn't seem as hopeless as it seems. In fact like clock work, I notice that by the end of the night I feel much like myself. My struggle is waking up and getting myself up and going. It takes hours for me to get up and running. But by the end of the day, I don't feel very terrible, just a little terrible. Thanks again for the support. This is a great forum to find. I will be starting mental health therapy soon, as well as substance abuse therapy in the coming weeks. I will also be joining a group of people in the future to talk about drugs and addictions and other unfortunate topics. When all else fails, make a grilled cheese and stay positive.

[lovelightandkittens]

This is really tough. It helps a lot to make light of things, joke and find things that are funny on a daily basis. But getting up and going is the hardest thing to do. I really can't stand the PVC's I experience.

My most distracting symptoms I deal with are:
Vertigo/Lightheadedness.
Dizziness.
Heart palpitations / PVCs.

I have had a heart echo-cardiogram two months ago, and I was told my heart was normal. There are no signs of anything cardiovascular wrong. My blood pressure, laying, standing and sitting is normal. My weight is normal for my height, I finally digest my food better since my gut is not over active from cannabis which adds "fire" to the intestines according to Ayurveda.

I don't know about this a fib thing. I hope I also don't have a fib, I don't really know. I had an EKG before, but nothing showed in the EKG. I am putting on a heart monitor next week for 30 days. I'm scared the palpitations will not go away. However, I do feel these PVCs are directly correlated to anxiety, panic and stress. They will go away.

[lovelightandkittens]

This is really tough. It helps a lot to make light of things, joke and find things that are funny on a daily basis. But getting up and going is the hardest thing to do. I really can't stand the PVC's I experience.

My most distracting symptoms I deal with are:
Vertigo/Lightheadedness.
Dizziness.
Heart palpitations / PVCs.

I have had a heart echo-cardiogram two months ago, and I was told my heart was normal. There are no signs of anything cardiovascular wrong. My blood pressure, laying, standing and sitting is normal. My weight is normal for my height, I finally digest my food better since my gut is not over active from cannabis which adds "fire" to the intestines according to Ayurveda.

I don't know about this a fib thing. I hope I also don't have a fib, I don't really know. I had an EKG before, but nothing showed in the EKG. I am putting on a heart monitor next week for 30 days. I'm scared the palpitations will not go away. However, I do feel these PVCs are directly correlated to anxiety, panic and stress. They will go away.

[lovelightandkittens]

I might have to stay away from this forum. It's been great relating to others, but how are we supposed to get better when we're all fixated on "still not feeling normal, been 15 months". Maybe it's because we keep coming back to a forum that makes us feel trapped instead of going out and seeing sober friends, family, quality time with your kids and make an effort to feel better than dwell. Pick up a religion or spirituality, try new things. I'm 24 and smoked BHO for years, nearly a gram a day, that's an equivelant of five grams of dank a day. I can't help but think some of these hopless, depressing donkey posts from people just need to accept what's happening and get a grip, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and keep on truckin'. PAWS sucks, but so does dwelling on sh** your can't fix immediately. Embrace, love yourself and love your problems and accept your imperfections, feel good!!

[lovelightandkittens]

Is there anyone that has quit successfully after years of heavy use that can get in touch with me through e-mail?

[Ihceik]

lovelightandkittens --- That's exactly right. Please do not feel discouraged with those posts you mentioned. A lot of people quit weed, thinking that weed is the only wrong they have in their life. So when they go through the motions of withdrawal waiting for something to suddenly change one day, nothing changes. Like life, you can't wait for good things to come along. You must seek them. It's the same with this. People need to understand they had problems BEFORE weed and should try find out and address what those problems were. Thinking your life will be everything you wished it to be because you finally made the choice to quit smashing THC into your brain is absolutely stupid to begin with. No doubt half those fools still continue to smoke tobacco, eat shitty processed food, barely exercise and continue to pine for a drug they know will turn their life into sh**. Life does get infinitely better. But you have to make it. Everything goes to pit when you abuse weed. Why should you expect all the bad habits that formed along the way to suddenly fix themselves?

[johnrlivingston]

I might have to stay away from this forum. It's been great relating to others, but how are we supposed to get better when we're all fixated on "still not feeling normal, been 15 months". Maybe it's because we keep coming back to a forum that makes us feel trapped instead of going out and seeing sober friends, family, quality time with your kids and make an effort to feel better than dwell. Pick up a religion or spirituality, try new things. I'm 24 and smoked BHO for years, nearly a gram a day, that's an equivelant of five grams of dank a day. I can't help but think some of these hopless, depressing donkey posts from people just need to accept what's happening and get a grip, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and keep on truckin'. PAWS sucks, but so does dwelling on sh** your can't fix immediately. Embrace, love yourself and love your problems and accept your imperfections, feel good!!

A poignant observation.

In the end, you have to be selfish. Do what's best for yourself. Granted, the hard part is often knowing what's best for yourself. But if at any given moment this forum or another resource is serving to demotivate rather than inspire, then it's not doing you any good. Still, if you can change your perception rather than ignore the source of your despair, you may find greater benefit.

In my case, this forum was a miracle because it was the first place I found numerous people experiencing many of the baffling mental / physical issues stemming from weed abuse / withdrawal. Up until that time, I thought I had mystery illnesses or was going crazy. Up until that time, I thought I was alone. But this place showed me that there were people out there just like me, and that many of them - via time, blood, & tears - fought their way out to see the other side. They made themselves whole. And if they can do it... then so can I. And... I did exactly that.

It's up to you how you use this forum. You can click on every "I failed" link, or you can dig deep & seek out the success stories. I suggest the latter. When you're in a position where you can help, then be all means offer encouragement to those that need it. But when you're the one who needs support, just ignore the negative banter. Don't read it - it will do you know good. Read only the success stories, and learn as much as you can about what they went through, and how they did it. And know that - as human beings - if they got through it - then there's ABSOLUTELY NO REASON you can't to.

[uniqueason]

Some feedback would be really appreciated im in the EXACT same history has kitten

[Bthizzleinapickle]

Loveandlightkittens I to have been having the pvc s and they all started 9 months ago days after quitting marijuana vape pens I smoked for 8 months heavily and the PVCs they worry me half to death all other symptoms have gotten better except the heart palpitations, I’ve gotten tests run EKGs and seen a cardiologist who monitored me for a few days and he said that my heart looked normal so I chalked it up to anxiety I am planning to see an electrophysiologist soon to give me more peace of mind my drs are fed up with me always complaining about how the palps don’t feel right , and they keep telling me I’m fine and I feel alright but constantly getting palps makes me think different anyways you are not alone and I pray we both get through this with time .