Bottomless Void

Postby winzer » Sat Nov 26, 2016 7:46 am

I'm fairly young and extremely accomplished. I've accomplished almost every goal that I've set so far. However, no matter what I accomplish I feel two things: 1) Something is missing from my life 2) I still haven't accomplished enough. Any spare time I have, I feel like I should be accomplishing something. It's gotten to the point where I am considering a secondary career. I mean what else is there to do?

This missing "something" I've had my whole life. But the thing is, is that it's hard to pinpoint what that "something" is and it's been bothering more lately.

How do you cope? How do you identify the void?
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#1

Postby tokeless » Sat Nov 26, 2016 8:28 am

You're fairly young, have achieved lots of things but not enough yet.. you think you need to be achieving more?
Give yourself a break, life's long and you may burn yourself out if you try too much too soon and with too much intensity. Have a think about doing something just for the fun of it, no medals, trophies, just for the sake of trying it.. life's not a sprint. Are you trying to please someone, compete with them?
Just have fun for a bit eh? That can fill 'the void' too
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#2

Postby Roady » Sat Nov 26, 2016 8:40 am

If you don't feel beloved in your life, you will be hunting and running until you find that love.

Love is the missing part in your life.
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#3

Postby winzer » Sat Nov 26, 2016 8:48 am

I've just lived my life on accomplishments, it's what I'm used to. The accomplishmen's are satisfing but always fleating. I'm not competing, it's just what I'm used to, my default mode. Somewhere when I was young this happened. I just feel like there's nothing else outside of setting goals. It's all that I am. Not to brag, but I've accomplished so much in my 20s than what most people do in their lives.

I've heard this concept that "life" happens to people. I'm not clear on the meaning. But it sounds like a person is subjected to external forces that "life" has to offer. Which I guess includes, having a family, experiencing a tragedy?, meeting new people and making friends, etc. I feel like this has never happened to me.
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#4

Postby Roady » Sat Nov 26, 2016 9:38 am

When was the last time you hugged somebody?
Give somebody flowers?
Cook a meal for somebody?
Help an elderly with shopping?

Accomplishments are done just for yourself.
If you learn to see the other and try to fulfill the needs of others, there is 's some huge satisfaction in my opinion.
Nobody lives for himselves, but for the other.
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#5

Postby JuliusFawcett » Sun Nov 27, 2016 12:01 pm

Can you accomplish complete acceptance that this moment is all that there is?
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#6

Postby winzer » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:55 pm

Absolutely not
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#7

Postby JuliusFawcett » Mon Nov 28, 2016 6:59 am

I have
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#8

Postby winzer » Mon Nov 28, 2016 8:33 am

Roady wrote:When was the last time you hugged somebody?
Give somebody flowers?
Cook a meal for somebody?
Help an elderly with shopping?

Accomplishments are done just for yourself.
If you learn to see the other and try to fulfill the needs of others, there is 's some huge satisfaction in my opinion.
Nobody lives for himselves, but for the other.


I think this assumes a connection/relationship with others. I don't want to blame my ADHD/Social Anxiety but that makes things difficult for me. If anything, it makes me bitter against people. But connecting has been the hardest thing my whole life. There seems to be some "flow" of how people communicate, express each other, and exchange meaningful dialogue. I just never got the manual on this "flow". The only other thing I can think of is when my father left me as a child. These are really only factors that I can think of. How to rule out one over the other, or resolve one I haven't the slightest clue...
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#9

Postby winzer » Mon Nov 28, 2016 8:34 am

JuliusFawcett wrote:I have

How'd you do it?
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#10

Postby Roady » Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:24 am

Hi Winzer,

Thank you for sharing things.
It's very hard to hear that your father has left you when you was young.
Well....
That must have been hurt to you. I feel so sorry for you man.

May I ask you a question?

Can you see a link to your growing up without your father and the problems / struggles you experience nowadays?
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#11

Postby JuliusFawcett » Mon Nov 28, 2016 5:33 pm

winzer wrote:
JuliusFawcett wrote:I have

How'd you do it?


It's as easy as repeating "I completely accept that this moment is all that there is"


What is the nature of your resistance to this statement?

Notice that resistance, and affirm that "I now release all resistance to accepting this moment as it is"
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#12

Postby winzer » Wed Nov 30, 2016 8:04 am

Roady wrote:Hi Winzer,

Thank you for sharing things.
It's very hard to hear that your father has left you when you was young.
Well....
That must have been hurt to you. I feel so sorry for you man.

May I ask you a question?

Can you see a link to your growing up without your father and the problems / struggles you experience nowadays?


Analyzing myself is difficult but I'll try. Some possible links:

* Distancing - It's very hard for me to form a close relationship with anyone. I'm very guarded. It's lead me to lead a very solitude life. I'm very cold and distance towards people. I have little desire to interact with someone unless I can get something out of them.
* Supressing my natural emotions, feeling numb
* Desiring a Father figure - This one is obvious. But I still desire a father-like figure to look up to and give me approval/reassurance. Even at an older age, I wish I had this.
* Jealously/Hatred - I see healthy families with natural mom and dad and I despise them. I feel cheated I hate them.
* Lack of guidance in life - I've had to figure out everything on my own.
* Low self-esteem/confidence - This effects my work and everyday social interaction.
* Contempt for my bio father, where ever he may be. Like wishing revenge for leaving and being born kind of thing.
* And naturally I want to scapegoat a lot of stuff on this but probably not applicable.

It's not pretty, but there it is. But I can't conclude if these are directly cause by me being left by my dad. Having ADHD and social anxiety may cause these or there maybe mixed effects. Idk...

But even knowing this information I don't see a path forward. These are problems that can't be solved more or less just managed emotionally?

JuliusFawcett wrote:
It's as easy as repeating "I completely accept that this moment is all that there is"


What is the nature of your resistance to this statement?

Notice that resistance, and affirm that "I now release all resistance to accepting this moment as it is"

This sounds almost nilhistic? It basically reduces everything down to accepting the present, and that there is nothing else. Which leads to the moment being underly meaningless, devoid of purpose. Which goes back into a void...I guess this method totally renders me of purpose and empowerment.
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#13

Postby JuliusFawcett » Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:26 pm

Why do you need purpose?

Why do you need empowerment?
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#14

Postby Roady » Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:39 pm

winzer wrote:
Analyzing myself is difficult but I'll try. Some possible links:

* Distancing - It's very hard for me to form a close relationship with anyone. I'm very guarded. It's lead me to lead a very solitude life. I'm very cold and distance towards people. I have little desire to interact with someone unless I can get something out of them.
* Supressing my natural emotions, feeling numb
* Desiring a Father figure - This one is obvious. But I still desire a father-like figure to look up to and give me approval/reassurance. Even at an older age, I wish I had this.
* Jealously/Hatred - I see healthy families with natural mom and dad and I despise them. I feel cheated I hate them.
* Lack of guidance in life - I've had to figure out everything on my own.
* Low self-esteem/confidence - This effects my work and everyday social interaction.
* Contempt for my bio father, where ever he may be. Like wishing revenge for leaving and being born kind of thing.
* And naturally I want to scapegoat a lot of stuff on this but probably not applicable.

It's not pretty, but there it is. But I can't conclude if these are directly cause by me being left by my dad. Having ADHD and social anxiety may cause these or there maybe mixed effects. Idk...

But even knowing this information I don't see a path forward. These are problems that can't be solved more or less just managed emotionally?


The problem is, when you never had a healthy relationship with your father, you have never attached to him.
In a healthy attachment is safety and love, and connection. The whole list you wrote down is because of this missing attachment. And I know by my own experience, that hurts a lot.

Your heart is still longing to connect to a loving, strong, leading father.
And as a boy you need a father to come alive. Only the love of a father can wake up the little man that is inside.

It's a very hard thing for you, but it's not hopeless.
I have searched for a long time to something that could fill my own void.
I found the love of God. And in that love I have found friends and people to who I can connect and attach.

There is a lot to read,maybe it can help you.
For me an eye opening book was "absent fathers, lost sons" from Corneau.

And I would like to courage you:
Go search for God. I mean the God of the Holy Bible.
If you find Him, you will find love and peace as He is as a Father.. His love will heal your inner wounds.
And His love will guide you through your life.
I 'have searched for something I needed, but I didn't know what I was searching for. When I experienced Gods love for the first time, I knew that it was that, what I was searching for. Oh man, I can't tell you how happy and joyful it made me.

Another thing is this:
You say you are numb, but there are emotions, but maybe you don't recognise them.
Start sharing them with somebody who you trust. A counselor, friend, uncle, pastor or neighbor.
Sharing your feelings and struggles will help you a lot.
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