I love my boyfriend but I love someone else as well.

Postby katherinasword » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:57 pm

Ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now, we are really in love and he lives in the same country as me. During our relationship we have had either ups either downs, many people say it's a very unhealthy relationship but it's been so long and i love him, we even planned to get married some day but after meeting this guy that's my best friends cousin its making me rethink my relationship with my boyfriend, my boyfriend didnt reply me for a few days since i'm in another country for a vacation and honestly i didn't feel sad and upset like i usually feel. Today i asked him if we could take a break but he seems to be really depressed because of that and i'm quite sad as well but not sad to the point i could cry my eyes out like i do when my boyfriend used to threaten to break up with me. I am really starting to like the other guy which also likes me a lot but we don't live in the same country and i don't really know if i will ever find the comfort i had with my boyfriend in this guy. After all every relationship i've been in have been amazing in the beginning and just start going downhill after a few months so i'm scared that happens with this new guy as well and end up breaking up. Is it worth breaking up with my long term boyfriend that will love me forever but will continue to hurt me over and over again for this guy that might not love me forever but that will give me an amazing time like i had in the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend. It's a really hard choice, im a mess.
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#1

Postby Candid » Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:10 am

Why make the choice? You have no commitment to either of these men. Keep dating until you find someone so right for you he sweeps away all doubts.
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#2

Postby m0wgl1 » Wed Jul 19, 2017 3:05 pm

I have been with my husband for 17 years. Love does not allow someone to treat you badly. It doesn't matter how much you love each other - if you are threatening each other (with breakups) or generally making each other feel bad, then you need to fully 100% address these issues and sort them out or move on and find someone else who you feel more at ease with. If you continue to excuse his behaviour because he loves you, then one day you will find yourself caring less and less (because that is the only way to survive such emotional trauma) and then you'll be in a loveless relationship anyway. Do not stay together because you are jealous of him being with someone else or because you are scared of being alone. Only stay together if it feels right and you feel connected and like you can share everything with him. 8)
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#3

Postby Livetowin » Thu Jul 20, 2017 2:45 pm

it doesn't sound like you're in love with either person here so much as confused about the definition of love. Being infatuated with someone and having them push your emotional triggers is not love. You're measuring love like a child measures their interest in a toy. " Well it's my favorite today because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, but I just saw this commercial for a new toy that has me even more excited. That other toy is so yesterday now."

If an emotional register is your definition of "love", then you really have not experienced the true meaning of love yet. Love does not service YOU, it caters to the greater picture of why you love the other. Love understands, forgives, and accepts the other person as NOT being perfect, rather than someone who is giving you the tingles. Also one year into a relationship is nothing. If you feel that time spent means allot, then that's another lesson to take from all this. Time served does not provide merit so much as layer excuses why some stay in a relationships that they should have gotten out of sooner. Insecurity and complacency are your two likely players in disguise here.
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