Jealousy And Obsession

Postby Johnyboy » Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:14 pm

Me And my gf have been together for about a year And we're both 17. I've known about This issue for a while now but I feel like I neee to get rid of it for good. It's my extreme jealousy. We are in the same class at school so it wasn't that much of an issue up until this point. But now, she went to the UK for 3 weeks to study English which is awasemome And it is gonna help her a lot, I Even uncouraged her do so. However, as she is not with me, she is spending a lot of time with other people, boys included. Now, I have read so many articles about This, so I know all the basic advice (get busy, spend more time with Friends, she does not belong to you etc.) And I am aware of that. Still, I get extremely jealous sad depressed and angry When she spends time in night clubs And pubs And so one, with another men. I know se would never cheat on me. But jist the thought that guys are checking her out And talking to her makes me furious And sad. It feels like the inside of my chest will explode. I get This terrible feeling and I want to punch something And cry at the same time (And I Did cry on several ocassions). And I am not used to it because she didnt use to do things like that, But never told her not to do so or block her from doing so.
I feel I am obsessed with her overall. I get crazy about anything involving her, I can't fall asleep When I know she is somewhere lese with other men. I have to hold myself from texting her all time. I really want to deal with And finally take controll of my f****** emotions.

Anything is helpful, thanks
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Aug 09, 2017 5:09 am

It is not about getting busy. It is about raising your self esteem, your self confidence.

Boys get jealous, because they are not confident, they are not secure in who they are and so they feel vulnerable. Maybe some other, better looking, more successful guy swoops in and knocks her off her feet. While she is loyal to you, even she can't resist this guy who says just the right things and she begins to second guess your relationship. After all, what do you have to really offer her at 17? You are unable to compete with the hundreds of guys out there and god forbid she meets the alpha male that claims her as his own. After all, your girlfriend is so wonderful, so perfect that what man wouldn't desire her? What man wouldn't spend his energy trying to seduce her?

Men don't get jealous. Men have self confidence and therefore are confident the woman they are with is not some prize to be won. It is not a competition. The confident man wants a confident woman that is free to choose whatever man she wishes and she will choose you or not. If she doesn't choose you, it was not the right relationship. It is not because some man is better than you, rather it is she was not the right woman for you.

The boy vs. the man are stereotypes. We all fall somewhere between being a boy and a man. We are human, we all have insecurities. From your post it sounds like you are still very much a boy. At 17, don't beat yourself up. I remember being 21??? and all heartbroken over a girl. Looking back I was definitely being a boy, not a man. I lacked confidence. She liked another guy.

Anyway, it isn't about getting busy while she is away. It is about developing yourself, using your time to progress towards being a man.
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Postby Livetowin » Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:06 pm

My number one rule in life - I ONLY CONTROL MYSELF. I think you should adopt that. This whole jealousy thing has never made a great deal of sense to me and I'm going to tell you why. What's the number one principle you need in a relationship? TRUST. So where is yours? Let's take that another step further.

Lets pretend these other people are pulling her away from you. She's losing interest in you. Some guys might actually be hitting on her and she's liking it. Before you go running out the door, let's park that thought. In fact, let's send that over a hillside ablaze because it's worthless. How does your presence or lack thereof change the fact that she is not as invested as you are? It doesn't make any difference.

If you can't trust your girlfriend to remain faithful to you and all it takes is a change of scenery for her to stray then what are you invested in here? A fair-weather partner? When do you put the ownership of her actions on HER? And where is your identity in all this? Do you only see value in yourself because she is there? I can tell you right now if you remotely feel that way, she won't stay with you anyway. Nobody desires an insecure person who constantly needs their presence and opinion to make them feel better. No one likes to babysit another person's feelings. Rise above that.

If she's worth the merit you give her, then there should be no problem. You can't control her nor should you desire to. The truth of your circumstances will always win out. So quit worrying about her and start working on your own self-confidence. And don't bother her nonstop. Respect her space and let her be an individual instead of a possession.
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Postby Thefundamentals » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:17 pm

First, look at why are you jealous in the first place?

You said that you know she would not cheat on you, but maybe you do not actually believe that and you are just saying it. If you truly believed she would not cheat on you and you trusted her, you would not be jealous. That little thought that she might cheat is what makes you jealous. If she does cheat on you, she is probably not the right girl for you anyway. It may not be what you want to hear because she is your girlfriend and you want to be with her, but it may be a reality. Would you want to be with someone who you cannot trust and will cheat on you?

If she is spending time in nightclubs, then ask her what is that about and why does she want to go there?

You cannot stop other people from checking her out. It is inevitable no matter who you are with. Since there is nothing you can do about it, you might as well re-frame the situation as a compliment. If they are checking out your girlfriend, it means that she is attractive, so you are with an attractive girl.

Finally, meditate, relax, and take a deep breath. Stop thinking about the situation so much because you cannot control the situation being that you are not there. The more time you spend thinking about the situation, the more you will hurt yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.
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