What the hell am I and what am I doing?

#15

Postby Guess what? » Sat May 26, 2018 8:35 pm

There are reasons for ugly men with cute women. They are famous, they have money or just the woman has problem herself.

Better than this for sure. I just don't want to be somebody who hurts people. I don't understand why I acted like this with that girl. But still maybe she didn't care at all, maybe I did mistakes 'cause i have not experience?
Why? Because anybody never gave me a chance before.
Not that it can justify me, I can well imagine that if I kiss another girl, the other one can take it bad. Just don't know why I acted like that, maybe just because I was full of my self, full of self esteem, maybe I thought to be important and to have who I want; when I can't allowed to be like that. In fact, I lost her, the another one wasn't really interested in me at all and now I'm alone, again.
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#16

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat May 26, 2018 8:42 pm

Guess what? wrote:There are reasons for ugly men with cute women. They are famous, they have money or just the woman has problem herself.


That is what jealous men say. Just because they can't get the cute woman, they have to come up with some crappy excuse to make themselves feel better. Fact is, women like confidence. Women find confidence very sexy. Women don't have something wrong with them, just because they are attracted to a man for reasons other than his physical looks.

Why? Because anybody never gave me a chance before.
Not that it can justify me, I can well imagine that if I kiss another girl, the other one can take it bad. Just don't know why I acted like that, maybe just because I was full of my self, full of self esteem, maybe I thought to be important and to have who I want; when I can't allowed to be like that. In fact, I lost her, the another one wasn't really interested in me at all and now I'm alone, again.


You kissed a girl. That is solid evidence that you have some qualities that are attractive. So you made a mistake. Go find other girls and the next time, don't get full of yourself.
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#17

Postby Guess what? » Sun May 27, 2018 10:11 am

Are they? Not only the men who have not many chance say that, but even who has many. They admit that, even if they are timid or in a black period, they have not trouble in love.
I'm not saying that confidence is 0, just not the main thing.

Is it possible that I have an avoidant personality disorder? I didn't even know this before, but looks like i have all of its symptoms.
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#18

Postby Guess what? » Sun May 27, 2018 1:23 pm

Huff, I can't put her out from my head.
I continue to imagine about us let's make peace and go back together.
But rationally I know that won't happen ever. Confirmed that She just deleted my number, without a notice, suddenly.

I feel so bad to have done all this.
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#19

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 27, 2018 1:34 pm

Guess what? wrote:Are they?


Believe what you wish to believe. Again, see how that works out for you in life.

Is it possible that I have an avoidant personality disorder? I didn't even know this before, but looks like i have all of its symptoms.


Sure, keep wasting your life surfing the Internet looking up symptoms that proves what you wish to prove.

You're only 22 and post after post all I read is whine, whine, whine. All you write is about how the world works against you. If someone told you the sky was blue, but that didn't fit your "poor me" story, you wouldn't make the effort to actually go outside and look at the sky. You would sit on the computer and conduct an Internet search for "sky is green" just to maintain a belief that keeps you down.

Beliefs are not the truth. What you believe is not true. What I believe is not true.

Your false belief: that men that are ugly don't get attractive women unless they are famous or wealthy.

My false belief: that men that are confident get attractive women, regardless if they are famous or wealthy.

My belief works, it functions in this world as I point to a path for confident men and show examples of women attracted to men for their confidence. It gives you a way to move forward in life. My belief provides a path for you to work on building your confidence and then use that confidence to improve your relationships with women.

Your belief sucks. Your belief keeps you hidden in your bedroom surfing the Internet and complaining about the world because you're not famous or a celebrity. Boo hoo, cry, cry.

So...no...I don't think you have some dumbass disorder you surfed the Internet to find. Instead, I think you have some really crappy, dysfunctional beliefs about the way the world works.
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#20

Postby Guess what? » Sun May 27, 2018 3:28 pm

I believe in what I see and what I past. I don't live under a rock, i didn't read "sky is green" and said "it is so then". I've watched and lived this things before saying that "world works like this".
Mostly why so salt? I just was asking about a problem that involves even a lack of confidence.

persistent and pervasive feelings of tension and apprehension;
belief that one is socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others;
excessive preoccupation with being criticized or rejected in social situations;
unwillingness to become involved with people unless certain of being liked;
restrictions in lifestyle because of need to have physical security;
avoidance of social or occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection.


I can see me in all of this. Probably it is just a coincidence, but if somebody can understand the problem on the root, he can solve it.
Plus, I don't think that confidence lacking borns from nothing. It is obvious that if people in your life said and showed that you are worthless, you start to think it as well.
Maybe it is wrong, you can be full of yourself and learn how do not care about what others think, but still, nobody lives to be alone.
Taking your example, you know and you are right on saying that sky is blue, but if everyone says that you are wrong and it is green? You know the truth but nobody want to listen to you and don't want you.
This is similar of this speech. Don't misunderstand me, once I had confidence too; i was sure in everything i was doing, than world showed me that I can't be allowed to be like that, 'cause I would get smashed any time.
But I'm not talking about that if I'm isolate myself I will do right. I don't believe I'm 0, I still have my pride and my dignity; the little that remained after this "relationship".
My thread was on about that I just don't understamd what the hell my head told me to ruin all in this way. My "confidence" brought me to kissed another one and losing the only one whom cares.
Like if I wanna hurt who cares about me, and maybe this is not the first time that happens, even if other situation happened with a minor "severity".

And I don't know what I feel, 'cause if if I had care that much, I would not have made that mistake, but sometimes I wanted to sprone myself on repearing this, but then, she didn't let me do it, so anger take me again. It is not that others think that I'm bad so i think it as well. I was the first one whom I was wondering "the hell is wrong with you? How can you did this?". But it is obvious that she don't wanna forgive me. 'Cause everytime she did it, then I did something else that made her angry. I don't wanna take all the faults, 'cause sometimes i think she is just really touchy.
Now she feels like "free" to don't be with me anymore, I don't feel this. I feel bad and she knows that when we were together I gave all myself to make her happy or giving her my support (without being a poor white knight, but like a normal person who cares).
She did as well, in minority. Just say she don't get the oppurtunity but many times she helped me in something, and that is precisaly why I think,in part, i can't forget her so easily, 'cause I know that she is really sweet, funny and nice when she wanna be. But she didn't show me that side anymore

Like: "You do great things? You are Ok.
You do bad things? No, now you're dirty"
I said this to her, that she binds only on the bad things, and she saw my best and "bad" part, and if after all of this I'm an idiot, a worthless person, a rude and she has the fault for wasting time with me; i do not know what to say.
She answered me that I have to think on how I behave, and she thinks that is just what i deserve.
I said that I take responsability for my mistakes, but she can't get so mad just for a pun. I said she know I like her, and I didn't want to hurt her "that" much.
Now she just deleting me. Mah.

I was the first to believe that what she thinks what i deserve is the real thing that is worthless. But it is just annoying feeling to be so "huntered".
Now please, don't be salty. You say right, I'm here for a goal. I wanna understand what I am, and why what I want is so contrary on what I do. A friend of mine says that it is because I don't really want it, but i think it is not so, or I would not feel so bad.
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#21

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 27, 2018 4:27 pm

Guess what? wrote: I wanna understand what I am, and why what I want is so contrary on what I do.


You are your beliefs.

You say, "I want a girl."

Then you say, "I believe I am ugly, I believe ugly men can't get attractive women unless they are famous or wealthy, I believe in X and Y and Z in life."

You are so certain that your beliefs are correct. You are so sure that you know the truth about how the world works, that it justifies to you reasons that you cannot find a girl or that a girl deletes you. Therefore your actions are contrary to what you want.

A simple example is if a person believes the world is flat, how does that influence the choices they make in life? It doesn't matter what the actual shape of the world is. It doesn't matter if the world is round or square or shaped like a banana. If you believe the world is flat, then your decisions will be made based on that belief. You will be too scared to make the decision to sail to the edge of the world because you might fall off the edge. And you are so, so, so, so sure of yourself. You are so certain the world is definitely exactly how you believe it to be.

My "salty" is simply a challenge to ask, "What if you are wrong?"

At only 22 years old...is it possible that your beliefs about how you think the world works, how you think relationships work is completely and utterly wrong?

Note, I'm not saying my beliefs are correct. I'm not claiming that I know how the world truly, actually works. My beliefs might be utterly wrong as well. But, my beliefs work. My beliefs provide me a healthy path in life, that allows me to travel and enjoy the world around me.

And it isn't a competition. It isn't about my beliefs are better than your beliefs. I certainly have beliefs that are unhealthy as well. I have beliefs that are counterproductive in life. I'm not writing to claim some sort of superiority. I'm simply saying your beliefs obviously don't work. Your beliefs are crap, because look at the results.

If you want to understand why you are how you are, start challenging your own beliefs. If you want to understand why you act contrary to what you want, challenge your beliefs.
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#22

Postby Guess what? » Sun May 27, 2018 7:36 pm

I just believe that the world is more materialist than how people think.
All i can say is I'll try. Next time I act like I know I worth, 'cause deep down I know I can make somebody happy and feeling good too.

Anyway today I was chatting with a girl. Not even 10 message for knowing her better that she just stops answering me.
Last edited by Guess what? on Sun May 27, 2018 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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#23

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 27, 2018 7:42 pm

Guess what? wrote:I just believe that the world is more materialist than how people think.


And how is that belief working for you?

Again, it isn't about being correct or incorrect. It is about how that belief influences your decisions. Because you believe the world is "more materialist" you make decisions that reflect that belief. You believe an attractive woman with an unattractive man must be a materialist, so you decide that without material you might as well hide and isolate yourself.

How is that belief working for you?
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#24

Postby Guess what? » Sun May 27, 2018 8:06 pm

I don't think this kind of stuff are conditioned by my decisions. can dudes whom think that they can be loved 'cause Looks doesn't matter, find someone?
No. This I saw. Ugly or not much attractive friends are keeping to complain that they can't find the right people. The truth is just people don't see a good partner in them; and in the end they ask themself where they wrong
The answer is they didn't anything wrong. But the result is the same of mine.

About results; i think i have belief for my experience and results. Not the contrary. I didn't born saying "world is materialist", I just realized then.

Anyway today I was chatting with a girl. Not even 10 message for knowing her better that she just stops answering me.
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#25

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 27, 2018 8:42 pm

Guess what? wrote: Not even 10 message for knowing her better that she just stops answering me.


That has nothing to do with your looks. It has to do with your personality.
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#26

Postby Guess what? » Mon May 28, 2018 5:15 am

How?
I just wrote the standard questions.
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#27

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 28, 2018 1:44 pm

Guess what? wrote:How?
I just wrote the standard questions.


10 questions. That means your looks did not turn her off. She didn't go back and forth answering 10 questions and then say, "Oh, this guy is ugly." No, she thought physically you are attractive and was therefore willing to go back and forth talking with you. She then wasn't into your "standard questions".

Your personality was not a good match for her personality. Your personality turned her off. And there is nothing wrong with that. You were not a good fit for her, so she stopped responding.

I am assuming she had seen pictures of you, i.e. I'm assuming this chat is on some sort of app that includes a pic.
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#28

Postby Guess what? » Mon May 28, 2018 4:38 pm

Probably she likes me but not that much.
She just can't get my personality with less of 10 message.
I did instead, 'cause a girl that just stops to answer you without any kind of problem is not that good.
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#29

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 28, 2018 5:01 pm

Guess what? wrote: 'cause a girl that just stops to answer you without any kind of problem is not that good.


Or maybe both you are good and she is good, just she didn’t think you were compatible with what she is looking for.
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