Why do I care that my ex has a new girlfriend?

Postby bunnyrabbit » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:37 pm

My ex and I had a relationship of just under a year and he broke up with me a couple of months back.

I’m well past the ‘wanting to get back together with him’ and ‘crying multiple times a day’ stage. I don’t want to get back together with him as we were hideously incompatible and he had very little ambition in life. I’m actually planning a future for myself now that I’m single; I know for a fact I wouldn’t be doing this if we were still a couple.

I’ve figured out that it’s not *him* that I miss, it’s ‘having a boyfriend’ that I miss.

I’ve found some information that very strongly suggests that he may have a new girlfriend, and it’s made me sick to my stomach.

Im really confused about why I’m so upset. After all, he was really immature and not someone I could see myself being with in the long term. I’ve blocked him from social media and I’m avoiding Facebook/Instagram because I don’t want to find out further information about him. Can anyone shed some light on this?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:41 pm

It is normal. Humans are hardwired to experience a degree of anxiety over any perceived loss, regardless if the loss is rational.

Take hoarders. They have an actual disorder, where they suffer anxiety from the idea of throwing away a worthless scrap of paper. They collect things that are absolutely worthless, but can't process it.

An intimate relationship, regardless of how irrational is valued higher than trash. Like the hoarder, it is natural to experience a perception of loss, rejection, regret, etc. It fades in time.
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#2

Postby bunnyrabbit » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:15 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:It is normal. Humans are hardwired to experience a degree of anxiety over any perceived loss, regardless if the loss is rational.

Take hoarders. They have an actual disorder, where they suffer anxiety from the idea of throwing away a worthless scrap of paper. They collect things that are absolutely worthless, but can't process it.

An intimate relationship, regardless of how irrational is valued higher than trash. Like the hoarder, it is natural to experience a perception of loss, rejection, regret, etc. It fades in time.

Very true, thank you. I am also a bit of a hoarder; perhaps that’s why I’m so strongly affected.
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