Help - Depersonalization caused by lack of love from father

[Alfon285]

I am a 24 year old male who's had Depersonalization for the last 3.5 years. I have realized that the root cause is a lack of love from my father throughout my entire life. I have always longed for my father's approval, love and care, and because i couldn't get it I have looked for it elsewere, leaving me open to abuse. I have always tried very hard to get my father's approval but never seemed to get it, much less his love and care. It's also worth noting that both my parents are narcissists.
I would like to know how to stop looking for what i need in him and others and find it in myself, so that i can be free, happy and full.

[Deltoplan]

The thing is - facts of your past are beyond your control, you can't change them and it's just external circumstances which influenced on your subjective thoughts about life, people and yourself. In other words, your experience formed some beliefs about yourself which guide you and influence directly on your current life. The good thing - these thoughts can be under your control, you can reflex and change them. So you should find a reason for this current situation in your thoughts, understand what particular belief about people and life was formed because of this lack of love.
For this kind of reflection, you may start with the following questions:
Why do people strive for love from their parents? What does this love mean for people and give them?
What does it mean for a person when he(or she) doesn't receive love from parents?
What motivates you to proceed to strive for this love? what is the "profit" of this desire?

One of the possible reasons which have to be proved with these answers: now you try to get rid of yourself because of your "worthless" and your worthfulness depends on some particular person (absolutely doesn't depend on you and unreachable). You should rethink and revaluate this logic of thought.

[Alfon285]

So, what is it?
Why do people strive for love from their parents? What does this love mean for people and give them?
What does it mean for a person when he(or she) doesn't receive love from parents?
What motivates you to proceed to strive for this love? what is the "profit" of this desire?
I find it very hard to think about this.

[Deltoplan]

So, what is it?
Why do people strive for love from their parents? What does this love mean for people and give them?
What does it mean for a person when he(or she) doesn't receive love from parents?
What motivates you to proceed to strive for this love? what is the "profit" of this desire?
I find it very hard to think about this.

These are the questions which help you make a self-reflection and find out thoughts which underlie and preserve your condition. Try to write answers down not just think - for some detachment.
It is hard because of ego resistance and better to make it in a dialogue, but self-reflection works as well.
I may assist after some your answer to find out this belief construct about yourself and ways of rethinking it.

[Alfon285]

Does it have to do with depending on my parents to meet my basic needs? It's the only thing I can come up with.

[Fellow Traveler]

"Depersonalization-derealization disorder occurs when you persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you're observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren't real, or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing and may feel like you're living in a dream". - the Mayo Clinic

Before anyone on this website can possibly provide you with helpful advice and viewpoints we who are interested in helping you need to better understand what you're going through. Does the above Mayo Clinic description of depersonalization accurately describe what you're going through?

This is important for us to know.

Though I don't have a thorough picture of your mental state I will say this:

1. You must learn to love yourself, you must care about yourself and therefore not seek out the love of others to put your mind at ease and experience peace of mind. To make yourself complete.

2. You need to devote some time to better understanding human behavior, neurology and depersonalization treatments in order to come to a better understanding of yourself and what you're going through mentally. In this endeavor you can better put together a plan of action to bring about as close as possible the state of mind you wish to have.

3. You cannot look to others in a social setting to bring about peace of mind and contentment. Seeking medical treatment through therapy and or prescription drugs may assist you but you must have the motivation to bring about new points of view that are helpful in your life and not detrimental.

Please if you would tell us more about your mental state and the problems caused by it.

[Alfon285]

Thanks. That's exactly how I feel. I look at my hands and I feel like they're not my hands, or look in the mirror and feel like it's not me, I lack emotions all the time and I constantly feel like I am in a dream and that nothing is real. Also I feel like I'm not here, like i'm somewhere else and that my body functions automatically (which it actually does, but when you don't have depersonalization you don't feel automatic). Also, things that used to be familiar to me do no longer feel familiar to me, and I have a hard time remembering things. I also have a very hard time concentrating and "thinking". It's like I can't think at all. I know that doesn't sound true because I'm writing this right now, but it's complex, I don't know not to explain it with words. And this not being able to think makes me feel pressure in the frontal side of my head all the time, as if there was something blocked with pressure.

This got triggered during a conversation at a church which then I discovered was a cult. The converation was planned, they forced me to answer what they wanted me to answer and my mind started doing what I answered and the whole situation caused me a lot of psychological stress and I started getting more and more depersonalized as the days went by.

[Fellow Traveler]

I think the first thing you need to do is seek medical attention. Make some phone calls around town and find a doctor who is knowledgeable about depersonalization. Also look online and find out how its treated and what kind of doctor you need to see.

[Alfon285]

I'm seeing a psychologist, but so far haven't seen any improvement. I have also looked it up online and have tried many things but haven't had any results. The only things that have improved my Depersonalization are: Keto, intermittent fasting, walking, relaxing, and risperidone; but i still can't think, which i think is not due to depersonalization. Maybe social pressure or something. It's a bit long to explain. Maybe I should see a psychologist that specializes on cults and social psychology.