Question: Self-hypnosis in deep states

#60

Postby moonlightress » Fri Sep 07, 2018 11:39 am

Ah yes, we were here:

jimmyh wrote:... leading towards something that bears some resemblance to (a partial and consciously mediated) “permanosis”.


My conscious reflections in italics, to distinguish them:
You said this in conversation with someone else, but it was perceived here, as a not-even-very-oblique kind of suggestion. There was a small “drop” feeling in my head. As had previously happened, I remember, with your bolding of “*next time*” earlier on.

Considering my only experience and knowledge, was of formal trance, which there wasn’t, it didn’t take much, did it? :lol: I've taken a guess at possible reasons for that:
Context.
Willingness.
Rapport (your first post passing my instinctual “friend or foe? - friend.” test right off the bat.)
Pre-existing suggestibility and day-dreaming habit.
History of 3 very positive experiences of hypnosis sessions
7 months of daily, sometimes twice daily, self-hypnosis.

I was a sitting duck, really. :lol:

I’m in and out of some form of “waking hypnosis”, aren’t I? I hadn't heard of that, nor of "permanosis". What fascinates me most of all, is that my awareness of it, isn’t “breaking” it. I’m resisting the temptation to go back over the whole conversation with a fine-tooth comb, so I can stay as experiential as I can. I suspect my conscious won’t stop analyzing entirely, so I’ll placate it with a bit of reflection now and then. (And bribe it with a jigsaw puzzle. Or something.)

...Of course, the hypnotic effect is fairly weak...

I imagine because of time delay, but it may not be quite as weak as you think.
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#61

Postby jimmyh » Fri Sep 07, 2018 7:07 pm

I would be interested to know how you might compare prayer with that of hypnosis?


Depends on what you mean by “prayer”, exactly? I don’t study religious practice much so I could easily be missing a lot, but it seems that there are at least a couple different things that could be meant by it. I’m assuming you mean something like “god works in mysterious ways”/”have faith” thing where you pray a ritualized excuse to stop thinking about something and let what happens happens? As in, similar to the placebo effect?

This is actually a fascinating question and I have a blog post I’ve been meaning to get around to publishing which hits on this, but I’ll see if I can do a condensed version here.

At the fundamental level, the placebo effect is built on expectation. Forever ago I wrote something about the structure of this, and more recently Scott Alexander wrote a much more in depth post on the idea which touches on the placebo aspect. However, none of this structure matters if you don’t form the expectation in the first place.

If a doctor says “this injection we’re going to give you will dull pain” then sure, you expect less and blah blah whatever. If he then follows it up with “AND THIS IS REALLY BAD. Pain is important to you, and you fail to feel when we screw up this procedure, you may die” then you will feel far *more* pain, and any expectation of feeling less pain will be replaced with the subconscious intention of feeling more. Placebos from doctors work not just because they offer us an explanation of why we should expect to feel less pain, but also because we’re willing to trust them as authorities on when it’s safe to hurt less. When I got my shoulder looked at with an ultrasound and the doctor could see that there’s no tear, my strength came back immediately. I didn’t even need a fake drug because armed with the trustable knowledge that there is no tear, I can (subconsciously) let myself use my shoulder to full strength knowing that it’s safe to do.

No one goes to a hypnotist to be reassured that it’s safe to not feel anxiety. Maybe partly as an excuse for being able to change *now*, but even then I think that’s usually a pretty small part. People are good at coming up with excuses to do what they want to do, so if there were no real work to be done they’d probably have figured it out anyway. When you go to a hypnotist, you’re not doing it because you see them as an authority on what in your life is worth worrying about. You’re doing it because you think they might be able to change the way your brain is working, and you don’t trust *yourself* enough to just make the changes. Without getting further into the complexities of this, I’ll just say that I don’t see much similarity between “prayer as placebo” and the meat of any form of hypnotherapy — though hypnosis can be definitely used that way too.

Let me know if that addresses what you wanted my take on.

Regardless of lens; hypnosis, CBT, prayer, or education, the structure is similar. You have a person experiencing some discomfort [...]


The lenses can get a whole lot more different than that. Hypnosis can be used to *increase* discomfort. Or to make the discomfort *itself* interesting and perhaps pleasurable. It can be used with good intentions or really bad ones. Hypnosis can be used without giving someone *any* belief system. When I snap my fingers, you will no longer desire chocolate. In fact, you will find it so repulsive that it’s oddly amusing. Snap, that’s it. New response, but no underlying system. Will it be long term stable on its own? Eh, perhaps not, but there’s more to change than being hypnotic, and that’s the point.

The challenge, in my opinion, comes when the belief system is fundamentally misaligned with the nature of the unknown.


Exactly. Okay, so you’re not getting the results you’re used to. Why not? What has to change? That’s the fun part.

In my opinion, the coolest thing about hypnosis by a really large margin is the opening of expectations, and the beginnings of an answer to anything. Okay, so you want behavior X out of person Y. Without hypnosis, you might just think “oh, well that’s how they are”. “People can’t just change their blood flow/not be angry/whatever”. “She’s being irrational, nothing you can do about it”.

Hypnosis shows that it’s all bs. No more excuses. Either you’re getting the results, or you don’t get it. If she were hypnotized she wouldn’t be unreasonable, since she would be listening. If he accepted the suggestion to find it hilarious whenever she insulted him, *of course* he wouldn’t be angry — you know this *by definition*. What hypnosis does is show you that the mechanics are there to believe arbitrary things and act in arbitrary ways. If you can get someone to genuinely believe and experience that their hand is stuck to the table, then it’s possible to laugh when someone insults you. It just becomes a question of whether it’s the right thing to be doing, and if so, how you get there from where you are. It becomes an engineering problem at this point. You can now start from a solution and work backwards instead of simply being stuck not knowing how to proceed forwards.

When all is said and done, I don’t do a whole lot of actual legit “hypnosis”. Now and then I do end up hypnotic in ways that non-hypnotists wouldn’t know to do or be able to do, but so so much of the work goes into facilitating those interactions that I really don’t even consider myself a hypnotist anymore. Hypnosis is just the “inner loop”. It literally happens on its own. It’s the outer loops that make this possible, and that all occurs even before you get to looking at any discomfort to help with because it’s more a “way of relating” than a “way of solving a given problem”.

I guess what I’m getting at in the last paragraph is that it’s not always a matter of “I need a screwdriver because this ‘nail’ has all these spiral protrusions that prevent it from getting hammered in well”. Sometimes it’s a matter of “I need a screwdriver because I can’t get to the thing I need to hammer on without unscrewing the lid first”.

As joe states, sometimes he just takes an Advil.


That’s an interesting problem too, and I don’t really have a good answer. I just don’t take the painkillers, kinda ever. I recognize in the abstract that there’s probably a time when it’s called for or something, I just don’t do it. Too stubborn. Even the night I had the most intense pain in my life and (my implementation of) acknowledgement couldn’t touch it, I didn’t take any advil. Didn’t have any interest in that. Interestingly though, once I had decided to give up on acknowledging away the pain, I fell straight asleep with no issues.
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#62

Postby jimmyh » Sat Sep 08, 2018 1:43 am

You said this in conversation with someone else, but it was perceived here, as a not-even-very-oblique kind of suggestion.


Hehe, it really was for him and for the purposes of that side conversation, even though I knew you’d be reading it and applying it here. It’s just that, as you note below, I don’t have to hide things :).

There was a small “drop” feeling in my head. [...]

I’m in and out of some form of “waking hypnosis”, aren’t I? I hadn't heard of that, nor of "permanosis".


Sounds like it, huh?

Once someone has been hypnotized, they’ve learned how to respond to hypnotic suggestions, and just the way it’s delivered alone can trigger the effect. They may not be walking around “in trance” all day, but when you give the suggestion they shift in whatever ways they need to in order to respond, so it’s kinda like they’re always in hypnosis. Hence, “permanosis”.

(As an aside, the thread on it back in 2010 is a good example of the kind of fun discussions that used to happen here back in the day viewtopic.php?t=53800)

As it applies here it’s a little different because the context is different, but the core principle is there: taking the things you’ve learned about how to accept suggestions when in formal hypnosis and applying them on the spot the moment you notice something that strikes you as a suggestion to contemplate and take seriously.

What fascinates me most of all, is that my awareness of it, isn’t “breaking” it. I’m resisting the temptation to go back over the whole conversation with a fine-tooth comb, so I can stay as experiential as I can. I suspect my conscious won’t stop analyzing entirely, so I’ll placate it with a bit of reflection now and then. (And bribe it with a jigsaw puzzle. Or something.)

Pretty cool, huh?

The way it looks to me, I shouldn’t have to trick you. If my aim is to be helpful, why would you stop it? I get that there are answers like “because I get in my own way!” and stuff, but it always seems to me that the better answer is just to pivot and address that directly. Why would you do that? Can’t I go about things such that there’d be no temptation to stop things? Perhaps starting with “not framing it like it’s a ‘trick’”?

So that’s generally my aim, and it tends to work. There’s actually a blog post I’ve been sitting on for a while that relates to this. I got off my donkey and published it this morning so you could read it.

https://cognitiveengineer.blogspot.com/2018/09/on-magic-of-actually-looking-and.html

My response to your comment #45 keeps getting delayed in part by you noticing new things and making certain parts obsolete, so I figured I’d give you some more stuff to chew on which might delay it even further :)

I imagine because of time delay, but it may not be quite as weak as you think.


Hm, yeah. “Weak” isn’t quite the right word. Partially that’s “not wanting to overclaim”. Partly it’s about me referring to being weak in a specific way that a central case of “hypnosis” is not, but which isn’t really relevant for things where you’re not trying to “trick” people, so it doesn’t matter. But also partly because I was probably underestimating what the experience felt like to you. It’s something where I’d normally see it as “not very hypnotic” all things considered, but if you have this “deep formal hypnosis” thing to match it to and little in between, then I could easily see it triggering that whole complex instead of just triggering the specific parts you find applicable and necessary. And perhaps much of it is applicable and necessary, if only because it’s part of this transition...
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#63

Postby moonlightress » Sat Sep 08, 2018 9:37 pm

This conversation gets more and more interesting by the day, but my mind is boggled and it’s going to take me a bit of time to process it all.
jimmyh wrote:My response to your comment #45 keeps getting delayed in part by you noticing new things and making certain parts obsolete, so I figured I’d give you some more stuff to chew on which might delay it even further :)

Geez thanks! :roll: I'm not in the least overwhelmed, this is a walk in the park.... :shock:

Yes, parts of post #45 are already obsolete and others parts will (hopefully) become obsolete soon, if I have success with the acknowledgement. Then there shouldn't be much left. If there are still some bits I want to continue with, I'll bring them up again.

Back to reading and chewing. :D
Oh, and I should sleep sometime, too.
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#64

Postby moonlightress » Sun Sep 09, 2018 4:29 pm

Joe100 wrote:Let me know how acknowledgement goes!

Since you asked: I'm stuck.

I got stuck last night and didn't feel like I was getting anywhere, only spinning even more into it. I dropped it and went to sleep. Today I had to drag myself back a bit (it is not exactly loads of fun) but I am sick of this issue, it bothers me, and it has to go. Maybe I should’ve picked something less important, to try it out on, and have some success with. It just seemed like, why not go straight in and do it on something that really bugs me? Even though I know I said I'd prefer not to do it alone, cause of the containing thing, what the hell, what's the worst that could happen? I might feel lousy? Won't kill me.

So I stopped doing the straight acknowledgement bit, because after about 20 statements it still wasn't getting to any kind of "ok" point and was getting circular. I went on and tried the bedrock part. With the "whys", I actually got down through the specifics of the issue itself, to a more underlying thing which feels quite significant. I'm stuck again, cause I can't figure out which "whys" to attach to that one. Which I don't feel like posting specifics of, to get some help with, because of something else, which I'm not sure would be constructive to say here. I might reconsider that, if I can formulate it in a constructive way.

I've closed the document and parked it again. Next time I'll go back to the next post after the bedrock one and see if the next step may help. I'm finding it heavy going and draining and I'm probably not seeing what would get me unstuck because I'm tired, so maybe I just need to sleep on it and it'll be good again tomorrow. Sleeping reboots me. I'll try again, cause as I said, this has got to go and if there's a chance I can do that, it'll be worth it.

What have I got myself into?? :lol:
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#65

Postby moonlightress » Sun Sep 09, 2018 4:58 pm

Very interestingly, I just ran the bit I just referred to not knowing if it'd be constructive to post here, as well as a similar, closely related concern, also about posting it here, through the acknowledgement. I could see, almost immediately and even without doing any basic protocol, that they drilled straight down to the same place as the other one. That's so cool! 8) Makes me even more motivated to get this one sorted out. :D

(I'm trying to formulate and reword, because I'm thinking if I tackle it right, it might be constructive to say it? Because if I can address that, I might be okay with posting the other thing here.)

Maybe more like trying to work up the courage. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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#66

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Sep 10, 2018 1:30 am

jimmyh wrote: I’ll just say that I don’t see much similarity between “prayer as placebo” and the meat of any form of hypnotherapy — though hypnosis can be definitely used that way too.


Earlier you mentioned it was either implied or obvious that hypnosis is not just about the act, but the community. In other words, a significant part of the value of the act of hypnosis is only realized through the support of the institution of hypnosis. If not for the institution, the behavior would be seen odd or irrelevant at best and some sort of mental disorder at worst. It is the institution of hypnosis that helps prove the value, that helps legitimize the behavior.

The above is where I am curious what parallels you might acknowledge with the institution, not just the act of prayer.

In both cases hypnosis and prayer, the value of the act can be diminished when viewed through the empiricist lens. My argument, is the scratch or flaw in that lens is that it only looks at the value of the act, not the value of the institution. In other words, empiricist use controlled studies to demonstrate at best the act might have a placebo effect. What is not taken into account is the larger systemic benefits of the institution as a whole.

I’m not trying to make the case that hypnosis = prayer. Instead, I’m simply drawing a comparison that in both cases the benefits of the act cannot be validated/replicated using controlled experiments, i.e. using the tools of the empiricist. The argument then becomes, in my opinion, that it is not necessarily the act that has the most value, but the institution.

The same as hypnosis can subjectively allow for pain to be acknowledged and ignored up to a point, the same can be said for prayer. Is it the act or the institution that affords the individual the faith in their chosen method? Regardless, faith is not curing the problem. Both the priest and the hypnotherapist have to go to the dentist when the pain moves past what they wish to acknowledge. And when they arrive at the dentist neither uses their faith to endure the pain of having the cavity drilled out.
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#67

Postby moonlightress » Mon Sep 10, 2018 12:46 pm

jimmyh wrote:
moonlightress" wrote:I imagine because of time delay, but it may not be quite as weak as you think.

Hm, yeah. “Weak” isn’t quite the right word... I was probably underestimating what the experience felt like to you. It’s something where I’d normally see it as “not very hypnotic” all things considered, but if you have this “deep formal hypnosis” thing to match it to and little in between, then I could easily see it triggering that whole complex instead of just triggering the specific parts you find applicable and necessary...

You’ve hit the nail on the head here. I copped to a slight “drop” in my head earlier; it *was* waking, which was new to me, but it was more than slight. Precisely because all I’ve done till now is deeper stuff, so my subconsc threw up a diluted “trance-lite” – “I know you're a hypnojunkie; is this what you want?” consc: “I’ve no idea, I’m as confused as you are”. :lol:

I didn’t want to look back in the thread, because I didn’t want to “break” the fascinating experience. I’ve looked back now and “trance-lite” has diluted further, to “this guy is definitely worth listening to”. Which is good, because it’s more appropriate for what’s becoming my little pet n=1 study. (Experiential, qualitative research with no empirical validity whatsoever, and conflict of interest on the part of the author.) 8)

(Don’t try this at home, folks; it’s stupid to let yourself get hypnotized by a random person on the internet. It wasn't my specific intention, so it sneaked up on me, but with my mind so conditioned by an hour’s worth of deeper self-hypnosis every day, what did I expect??? And I went into the discussion open-eyed, with a conscious decision to be receptive to your ideas, to learn something and to see what would happen.)

And what a fascinating experience it was. :D
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#68

Postby moonlightress » Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:28 pm

Back to the acknowledgment.
I'm stuck again and need some help with this, is that ok?

I picked up where I left off yesterday and wrote a whole essay, explaining Carl Jung's take on this issue, which was all pure intellectualizing to avoid looking at it. 8) Knowing about how it works doesn't mean you can avoid doing the work.

I don't want to post personal stuff, so to just boil it down to the example I used in my essay when I was talking about a general archetypal human problem a la Carl Jung, which children put words to because they are more in touch with their feelings:

"Why does that make me feel insecure?
- because there is a monster under my bed and I’m scared it will eat me if I go to sleep."

Lots of difficult emotion with my own version of this– where do I go from here?

"Why is there a monster under my bed?", doesn’t seem to fit.
"Why am I scared it will eat me?" – I really have no f.. clue. This is where I get impatient with myself and flip to “there is no monster under your bed, now go to sleep”.
If I go to ‘can you think of a time when it did eat you?’ it isn't acknowledgement anymore, which is the whole point of doing this here, then it just becomes psychoanalytic and this isn’t a therapy room ffs, plus there are people listening.

Can you give me a pointer, so I can get unstuck from my third time round in this horrible place with my feet up off the floor 'cause of the monster under my bed?
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#69

Postby moonlightress » Mon Sep 10, 2018 9:36 pm

jimmyh wrote:Hehe, it really was for him and for the purposes of that side conversation, even though I knew you’d be reading it and applying it here.

And of course it sent me googling and reading like crazy. And then the bit about “and with a keen eye you can spot them”… I thought, if that isn’t an indirect suggestion, I don’t know what is! :D.
(As an aside, the thread on it back in 2010 is a good example of the kind of fun discussions that used to happen here back in the day viewtopic.php?t=53800)

That thread is still Google’s hit #1 for ‘permanosis’ so that is the one I read to find out about it, when you first named it. Looks like those were good times. I would’ve loved to be in the audience of those discussions, what a learning!
As it applies here it’s a little different because the context is different, but the core principle is there: taking the things you’ve learned about how to accept suggestions when in formal hypnosis and applying them on the spot the moment you notice something that strikes you as a suggestion to contemplate and take seriously.

But I don't understand what you mean here. I would say that what I’ve learned about responding to suggestions in formal hypnosis, is to accept them? Bypassing the critical factor and all that? Isn’t the point that in hypnosis you accept and don’t contemplate suggestions?

You throw out a suggestion here, "why not try and look at it this way....", I’m in some kind of semi-permanosis because I bombard myself with an hour of trance every day, so I'm over-conditioned (starting to think maybe I'm overdoing it, too much of a good thing) - but I don’t just swallow it, I regard it as worth contemplating, and think about it. How is this different from reading and pondering a great non-fiction book full of ideas and wisdom, or talking with a friend about life stuff, someone whose opinions you respect, so when you discuss things, you think about what they have to say? Since you aren’t just accepting the suggestions, only contemplating them, how does that have anything to do with permanosis? Or even just hypnosis...?

I must've misunderstood the definition of permanosis; is it not that there was NON-contemplative suggestibility and acceptance of suggestions?

So what are the things to take from the formal hypnosis and apply on the spot? Because it doesn't sound like you mean "accept them"...
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#70

Postby moonlightress » Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:49 pm

The last remaining bit from post #45 + and a realization I had:
Since you do so well when you allow yourself to turn down the “importance” of your fears until they just disappear, why not allow yourself do it outside the special context of “hypnosis” as well?

This is the question I threw out a bunch of excuses for why not, and then zoned out about later, thinking you had a point. If I consider it now, sober as a judge, (or whatever the hypnotic equivalent is) I can’t actually come up with a single reason why not. I seem to have this belief that there’s stuff I can only do in trance and not out of trance and that if I try to do it out of trance, it won’t work, because I’ll just chirp second-guesses at myself if I try to assert something. But now I’ve had the experience of getting into a trancey, non-trance kind of waking hypnosis, and the whole concept of “trance” (at least the lighter kind) seems to be fluid to the point that there doesn’t even seem to be a line between ‘in’ it and ‘out’ of it, and I no longer have a clue what trance even *is* anymore (*) - then that belief seems rather pointless now.

(*) … so bugger off, let me close my eyes, think my trigger words and go to where I *do* know what it is! :lol:
Do you think you’d screw it up and not heed a valid fear that you knew about, simply because you could and are sick of being bossed around by fear?

And that was the part I couldn’t parse and just still need explained: Simply because I could: screw it up? or simply because I could: not heed a valid fear? Do you mean, if I just decide to be fearless? – I’d specify what it is I don’t want to be fearful of, surely?
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#71

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Sep 11, 2018 1:19 am

moonlightress wrote:Can you give me a pointer, so I can get unstuck from my third time round in this horrible place with my feet up off the floor 'cause of the monster under my bed?


Yep. The pointer is that you close the books and you put your feet on the floor.

Children learn there is no monster by doing, not by thinking their way out of the ‘monster under the bed’ dilemma. Children take a quick look, they jump out of bed so the monster can’t get them, they run to flip the light on. Children don’t try to intellectualize about the monster.

Adults forget how to be children, so they try to read their way out of an issue that is resolved by doing.
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#72

Postby moonlightress » Tue Sep 11, 2018 2:51 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Yep. The pointer is that you close the books and you put your feet on the floor.

Children learn there is no monster by doing, not by thinking their way out of the ‘monster under the bed’ dilemma. Children take a quick look, they jump out of bed so the monster can’t get them, they run to flip the light on. Children don’t try to intellectualize about the monster.

Adults forget how to be children, so they try to read their way out of an issue that is resolved by doing.

That's enough Richard. I'll thank you not to try to "help" me any more; it isn't welcome. Please try to respect that. Thank you.
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#73

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Sep 11, 2018 5:54 am

moonlightress wrote:That's enough Richard. I'll thank you not to try to "help" me any more; it isn't welcome. Please try to respect that. Thank you.


And you can respect that this is a public forum.

If you want to keep your feet up on the bed, it’s your life. You have options if you are not yet prepared to confront the monster under your bed. You can ignore my public opinions, you can choose not to respond to my opinions, and If my opinions are truly frightening, then there is even an option to “foe” me as to not be able to see whatever advice I might have to offer in a public forum. These are all reasonable options without trying to censor another person’s participation.
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#74

Postby jimmyh » Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:30 am

returning back to #45...

Makes complete sense…. but <sigh> that last phrase (“if you trust that it will be okay if people’s feelings get hurt in the process”) is a massive IF and I’m not there yet: I just don’t trust that something won’t break and they’ll get angry and I’m afraid of people’s anger directed at me. In fact, there’s an active one going on (it’s 1.5 years old) that I know the person is still stewing over - and that one wasn’t even intentional; I intended to do a good thing which totally backfired.


Yeah, people might get angry. They might get angry anyway, though worrying about it might (or might not) help make it less likely. The point is less about “things will go exactly the way you *want*”, and more that even if it goes the way you don’t want and they get angry, it’ll be okay anyway. Not *ideal*, of course, but *okay*, and something we can do something about. As we talked about, being okay with someone being angry with you can help disarm it.

That wasn’t really the objection I anticipated though. “They might be angry with me!” is generally only a concern when you think you might be doing something wrong. Because hey, if you’re clearly doing nothing all wrong and they’re getting angry *they’re* the one with a problem.

Even with that out of the way though, there’s still the harder part. I’ll give you an example.

At my wedding, one of the security guards was being a douche by trying to make up his own pointless rules as a power trip or something. It didn’t even occur to me to argue with him. I just complied with his silly request without so much as acknowledging his existence and then when I had to explain to my wife why she had to do something pointless I made no effort to hide my explanation (“the security guard is being a douche”) from the security guard in question.

It *really* got to him. At the end of the night when my wife went to pay the security guards, he tried to give the (douchey and lame) come back he had been thinking about all night, and she said it looked like I had “crushed his soul”. I didn’t know that off hand comment would get such an extreme response, but it wouldn’t have stopped me if I did. I did feel the pang of “ouch, it sucks to be him”, and I did it anyway. What I said was both true and necessary. If he’s not ready to hear people say he’s a douche then he shouldn’t go out of his way to be a douche. As cruel as it sounds, it’s *not my problem*.

It’s important to be charitable. It’s important to be forgiving. It’s important to hold yourself to only doing things when you could look the person in the eye and empathize as you see how your behavior affects them. At the same time though, you are never obligated to protect someone from the consequences of their own actions, and if “he’s a douche, and not worth actually addressing right now” is the honest to god truth, so be it. If it has to be said, it has to be said.

People will get to you if you feel obligated to see them and respond to them as if they deserve respect, even when they’re not earning it. The moment you let go of that, you can respond to people for what they’re giving you with as much kindness as you want. No resentment necessary, because if it hurts it's not your fault. Can you look into their eyes and let their soul be crushed by your honest opinion, or would you flinch and hide your view? Because I think that’s at the crux of your issue here.
jimmyh
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