6 months in

Postby dirtySanchez » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:56 pm

Time for the quick update.

Its really gets better with time. I would say I am like at my 40 - 50% after six months.

DR is really strong. I still feel like I am in some video game all the time... there are some brief moments of clarity when things look so damn beautiful (nature for example) .. but this happens very very rarely.

Depression & negative thoughts come in waves. For now, there are like 7 good days and 7 bad days... the difference from the beginning of my weed free journey is enormous.

I can also feel emotions on some days. I may sound strange but I am even happy when I feel sadness... I was like a stone for the past 6 months.

The most important thing for me is exercise. I really became addicted to the gym - but in a good way :D

Looking back at the beginning of the journey I thought it will only take six months to recover... now I think it will take more than a year or more to fully heal.
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#1

Postby Freedomhfx » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:05 pm

You are remarkable and courageous. I’m coming up on six months and I agree that it does get better, but even today I was fantasizing about sitting in the beautiful day having a puff. It isn’t an easy thing. I cannot imagine putting myself through this withdrawal again. I agree with you about the duration of time to recover and if I had even imagined how long the process would take when I quit, I wonder, sometimes, if I would have quit. Now I’m so far into it that I stay the course. It does get easier with each passing day. Keep up the great work!
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#2

Postby jmh335 » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:06 pm

I’m basically in the same boat as you. A little over 5 months in. I would say I’m about 20% recovered. The waves come and go. Good days and bad. Good week, good month, bad week, bad month etc.

Right now I’m really focusing on staying busy. I’m on summer break from college and was sick for the past week so I haven’t been able to do much. Really challenging my mental strength. Going to try to go for a run today.

Getting busy is definitely difficult. I’ve been working for myself and making enough money, but I might just get a job to see more people. Also, my girlfriend took a job that will have her travel for the next 2 years, so I will barely see her. That is definitely hard on me.
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#3

Postby Freedomhfx » Thu Jul 05, 2018 11:24 pm

Stay strong. We won’t regret it!
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#4

Postby dirtySanchez » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:11 am

Thanks to everyone who replied to this topic. I really hope all of you are doing good.

I'll try to document my journey here. ATM 6 and 1/2 months

I have been in the PAWS wave for the last 2 weeks. It's funny how I can wake up and be able to tell that they are gone.

Don't really see any difference between the intensity of paws from the beginning and now. Life gets really bad when they hit.

What happens to me during PAWS:
- I became really angry at the world (normally I have really chilled personality),
- My thoughts become very negative. Start to think that my girlfriend doesn't really love me and I somehow f***ed my life and will be loser forever
- Cant see the exit from my disability
- Don't want to talk to people
- My muscles hurt
- Have no energy
- Cant perform any mental operations (even reading a book is hard)

But somehow I am used to them and while they last I keep reminding myself that they will be gone in 1 week.

For now, I am being off them and being myself at the 60%. I'll try to enjoy these days as much as I can.

DR is still strong and everything 99% of the time feels like I am in some video game.
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#5

Postby dirtySanchez » Tue Jul 31, 2018 6:15 pm

New milestone in my journey :) 7 months

This whole month was just awful. At the beginning of the months I was super tired all the time, anxiety, negative/panic thoughts and muscles pain... since anxiety and mood were so low I decided also for quitting caffeine. It was pure hell first 2 days without it. I was really angry. Bad mood continued for about 7 days.

While being in that state (miserable) I was talking with my girlfriend about what was I like 3 months ago and she said it was much worse.
Things are getting better without me realizing it at that moment.

The thing that bothers me the most... I am not completely sure that if its PAWS or it's just my personality. I somehow can't find motivation or any desire to pursue my goals. Putting minimum effort into my financial life - it seems like I don't want to put pressure on my self. :roll:
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#6

Postby dirtySanchez » Sun Aug 26, 2018 10:00 am

Few days until 8 months...

I would like to suggest to everyone - START TAKING MAGNEISUM (be careful, not all form have the same absorption - google it! Glycinate is the best one, followed by Citrate... etc)

Since I am involved in sports life, I have many supplements and take care of what I eat. One day I noticed that my daily vitamins tablets have 0 magnesium in it...

After only 2 days of taking the magnesium supplement (250mg at morning and night) all the symptoms that I thought were PAWS (tiredness, muscle pain, heavy head, mood overall ...) were gone! I really can't believe it.

Only DR/DP remains - but they are not as severe as they were months ago.

Take care guys.
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#7

Postby BullFrog » Sun Aug 26, 2018 2:09 pm

That is amazing, Sanchez! Wow! Can't believe that provided so much help! I have read from others that magnesium has helped them, but I can't recall anyone saying it is helping to the degree that it is for you. Please keep us posted in a couple weeks to let us know further progress with magnesium and your symptoms. :)
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#8

Postby dirtySanchez » Mon Sep 03, 2018 6:49 am

Quick update.

8 months and 3 days in.

After taking magnesium supplement all physical symptoms gone away and haven't experienced them ever since.

Anxiety is almost at 0. I don't drink any caffeine for the last month or two - I used to drink like 3 coffees and 2 red bulls per day.

Only mental/psychological symptoms remain. I could have "little" panic attacks from nowhere.. they last for about an hour or a two. I usually have crazy racing thoughts between them.

Every few days depression kicks in. But its really lightweight. I can notice small tightness in my chest.

Doing mental work it's really exhausting and impossible on some days - like reading a book or writing.DR/DP is still present all the time. Meditation sessions are getting better.

The last month has really been the best so far (in terms of progress).

Take care guys.

PS: I also came across an interesting book called Breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I strongly recommend you guys to check out the reviews or some of his content on YT.
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#9

Postby AngryDwarf » Mon Sep 03, 2018 7:14 am

Hi dirtySanchez, I made an account to publicly agree that magnesium has been a BIG help for me too. Currently a bit over 2 months clean (quit around summer solstice). For the last week I have been taking magnesium glycinate 1-2x 100 mg tablets after every meal, amounting to somewhere between 600-900 mg per day. I have been very mellow all the time. While the anhedonia is still present, I feel free of the anxiety and the sense of something being wrong with the reality. In some way, high doses of magnesium feels a bit like being high, meaning that I can just relax in the moment and do whatever I need to do without worrying over too many existential thoughts. Things are finally starting to take a turn for the better. Wish you and others the best!
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#10

Postby BullFrog » Mon Sep 03, 2018 2:55 pm

dirtySandchez, thanks for the update! GREAT to hear you are having substantial improvement. Time is the key!

Please keep stopping in like you have been every once in awhile to keep us all updated on your progress. Look forward to hearing from you next time!
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#11

Postby dirtySanchez » Sat Sep 15, 2018 4:52 pm

When PAWS hits you hard

Image
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#12

Postby Astro413 » Sat Sep 15, 2018 7:03 pm

Hey Sanchez, 3 months in here and I relate a lot with where you are now. Other than headaches I don’t have very many physical issues anymore, I’m still fatigued in general but I think a lot of that is due to my class schedule. Although on the mental side I’m right on par with you, anxiety is close to gone although I still get existential anxiety at least a couple times a week. Albeit it’s manageable and I can distract myself. The depression on the other hand I struggle with when it hits, I can have a really good day one day and the next I fail to see any progress. This is when all my other symptoms kick in. It still seems to me that the bad days outweigh the good but time moves so slow it’s hard for me to realize that despite being 3 months in I’m still in early recovery after blazing every day for two years straight. Keep updating!
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#13

Postby dirtySanchez » Sun Sep 16, 2018 7:07 pm

Astro413 Keep on going.Things will get better! 100%,

Yesterday I was thinking... if anyone knows rapper called Mac Miller who died from drug overdose. He died because he was running away from inner demons and inner pain (he said in one interview that weed could calm him down - that's why he started doing harder drugs). What are we doing is completely opposite. We are running into our pain and facing the demons. What we are doing is hard. Really hard. Its easier to numb or distract yourself from pain, than to embrace it. There is not a lot of people who can do this, Many times we forget how strong we actually are for staying on this journey and trusting the process.

I also found the user on this forum NateTgreat who took 3 years to recover. When I am having hard times I go through his posts. His journey is well documented @ memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=219885

Take care guys.
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#14

Postby BullFrog » Mon Sep 17, 2018 12:50 am

@Sanchez, thanks for the link on NateTgreat. I haven't read any of his stories. I'll be sure to do that. :)
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