I think I'm loosing my grip on reality

[LoonyOne]

Hello, sorry for taking up valuable forum space but I don't know where else to go, I'm afraid to see my GP or mental health specialist cause I fear they will just lock me away and dose me up to the eyeballs.

Down to the bedrock of my post :
I'm struggling to tell what is real, I'm regularly finding myself asking "do I really exist" and "am I here", I end up places and I can't remember how I got there or what I went there for, I regularly find myself staring into space, sometimes for minutes, sometimes hours, for example, a coffee shop I frequent, they know me quite well, and as you do, I was ordering a coffee one minute and the next minute the chap behind the counter is asking me "are you ok" he told me after I asked for my coffee I was just like I was staring into space for a few minutes.

I haven't had a good few years, everything from regular illness to being attacked on the street, but I don't want to bother you all with that, it just makes me feel like I don't belong, like I'm an extra piece to the puzzle of life, and don't fit, I find the only place I feel like I belong is in the anime I watch and the games I play. I find it very difficult to define who I am or what I'm doing here, I would just say it's depression but I don't feel sad, and I don't feel happy, truth is I don't know how I feel, I feel like I don't know who I am, I find myself looking In the mirror in the mornings and thinking "who are you"....... I'm just a nutcase, I'm insane and screwed up.

All the research I've done would point to a dissasociative dissorder (or however it's spelt) but I feel if I tell my doctor she will just think I'm crazy, I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this, you probably all think I'm just some desperate shut in, and you would be right in thinking that, I do, so I'm sorry if I've wasted your time, but thank you for reading

[ready4thegoodlife]

Hello,

I think you should try to talk to a mental health professional. I'm not familiar with the process but I don't believe they can forcefully lock you up if you're not a immediate danger to yourself or others. It seems like your lost in life right now. Deviod of all feeling. I just want you to know that you do matter and you do belong. I hope that feeling goes away for you.

Have you tried journaling? It can be really therapeutic. Doing that may help you figure out some things about yourself.

Do you focus your thoughts on the last few years of your life that have not been good? If so, trying to find the good things in life. They don't have to be big things. It could be something simple as finding a quarter or a beautiful sunny day. Just try to focus on anything positive in your life right now. I know it is difficult when life has got you down but it is helpful to getting back to the right frame of mind.

I'm not a medical professional or anything so I'm sorry that my advice is limited. I just want to try to say something to help you with your problem. I truly hope things get better for you.

[All in the mind]

From your post, you are describing symptoms of dissociation and possible PTSD. You won't be locked away for it, but you do need to see your GP for possible medication and counselling. Those issues that you don't want to "bother" people with are important experiences that you are struggling to cope with.

[LoonyOne]

Thanks, it is nice to know people care, I guess my next step is to see my gp

[LoonyOne]

I'm no expert on this kind of thing, and I hope I'm not coming off as rude, but I thought you could only suffer with PTSD after the stress of high combat situations such as warzones and such?

[All in the mind]

The OP mentioned being attacked which can be a cause PTSD. They also mentioned symptoms of confusion and feeling disconnected which are common symptoms. There's probably a lot more that they don't want to "bother" anyone with.

http://www.clinicalhypnotherapy-cardiff ... -disorder/

[JuliusFawcett]

You could well benefit from medication. Have you seen your GP yet?

[johnusacitizen]

You live in a shallow world of MAKE-BELIEF.

It's a shitty toxic world of games people play upon one another...

"I would just say it's depression but I don't feel sad, and I don't feel happy, truth is I don't know how I feel"

Sorry, this is reality TODAY, you live in the here and now, and sound like you should live in a saner time.

Didn't make this, but CARE for you. It is madness. The love of pretending ALL AROUND THE WORLD to MAKE_BELIEVE is insane.

You are OK. Just strive to care as you are able, and work to overcome the bitterness and hatred all around you--they are their own mess of madness.

What is religion... read a histrory book and educated yourself, quit make-believing and killing people with such good hearts who care so much.

[mickey0212]

I'm not a professional but my advice would be to seek professional therapy and say no to any psychiatric drugs. Maybe cut down on the anime and games and have a go at real life for a while? It might just be you have some emotions of your own you're not in touch with or are blocked up...

A therapist would certainly help

[johnusacitizen]

This probably isn't relevant, but I too felt(no more was shaken) in my twenties as I observed people who seemed like robots playing their parts. They looked me in the eye when I was young and expected me to pretend along with them. I wanted to, to be successful and sort of muddled through their pretending, but found so many grotesque--the very same people who lower in people like me pretended where amazing, when they where pigs. I worked for for Hillsborough County in Florida of the USA. The most disgusting pig, I truly don't remember his name it was long ago. I see him now with a pretty lady (there was always one) chasing him with an umbrella. He walked in and left her out there like she was nothing.) I looked at him and saw shallow creepy pig.

He was just playing at being who be was taught to be, putting in a show. He was important among a county of a million in playing his part, but he was human being relegated to putting in a show.

You can think for yourself! It's even harder for people working on toxic institutions. I don't know how old you are--in terms in possibilities to think, not age as most pretend. What good is an old person who regurgitates others thoughts and words? It's that even growth? Nope, just imitating, accommodating, pretending.

You must be more in your expression of life! Sorry you're surrounded by deeply embedded socialio/religious performance artists. This is the world we grow in.... It's a mess!

__rereading, this post is tragic, not just from unfortunate swipe-type, I'm just to lazy to fix it. I care about you, but... It's kind of ok as it is

[johnusacitizen]

People put on a show. That's not being a person.

[Candid]

I thought you could only suffer with PTSD after the stress of high combat situations such as warzones and such?

That's the popular belief. In fact, plenty of people in the general population who've never been near a war zone have PTSD. It's about a shocking experience in which the person feels helpless and the normal coping mechanisms are overwhelmed. Being attacked on the street certainly qualifies.

I agree with those who've said the OP probably has PTSD. Dissociation is one of the symptoms.

[Mayfair]

You people are so weak.

[johnusacitizen]

You people are so weak.

You have NO IDEA what it's like to be the OP. I don't either.
Definitely this person needs some 1-on-1 with someone who cares.

The OP said, afraid to seek help. This was in a forum approachable, created to be kind and helpful.

You aren't helpful. I project myself, even now that I'm getting old, as well. It's always a mistake though.

Others are relatable only with great effort, and never as deeply and meaningfully as they deserve.

Besides... haven't YOU run through a TOUGH time in your life? Don't YOU remember what it was like to find no direction, realizing YOU must DIRECT YOURSELF?

Empathy for a person hiding... and still trying to work through a muddled haze.

Denigrate the WORK to make sense of the madness all around you (of imitation/accommodation/domination/subjugation/manipulation), puffing yourself up in this tiny expression of so few words.

Your words are your expression. You rank and rate the OP according to your current mindset.
You play a game, making fun of someone making themselves quasi-vulnerable. How old are you? How old is the OP?
Doesn't that make a difference? Nope, apparently NOT TO YOU.

[johnusacitizen]

If you want quick update on HISTORY, I encourage you to read "Democracy in Chains" The deep history of the radical right's stealth plan for America . by Nancy MacLean.. a girl?!??! An important PERSON. History is a made into a game. How important to understand those who came before you and not genuflect before them but appreciate how different their telling is from the shallow stories. There's so much history in the USA. Of overcoming aristocracy.. but that hasn't happened, yet.