Hello, sorry for taking up valuable forum space but I don't know where else to go, I'm afraid to see my GP or mental health specialist cause I fear they will just lock me away and dose me up to the eyeballs.
Down to the bedrock of my post :
I'm struggling to tell what is real, I'm regularly finding myself asking "do I really exist" and "am I here", I end up places and I can't remember how I got there or what I went there for, I regularly find myself staring into space, sometimes for minutes, sometimes hours, for example, a coffee shop I frequent, they know me quite well, and as you do, I was ordering a coffee one minute and the next minute the chap behind the counter is asking me "are you ok" he told me after I asked for my coffee I was just like I was staring into space for a few minutes.
I haven't had a good few years, everything from regular illness to being attacked on the street, but I don't want to bother you all with that, it just makes me feel like I don't belong, like I'm an extra piece to the puzzle of life, and don't fit, I find the only place I feel like I belong is in the anime I watch and the games I play. I find it very difficult to define who I am or what I'm doing here, I would just say it's depression but I don't feel sad, and I don't feel happy, truth is I don't know how I feel, I feel like I don't know who I am, I find myself looking In the mirror in the mornings and thinking "who are you"....... I'm just a nutcase, I'm insane and screwed up.
All the research I've done would point to a dissasociative dissorder (or however it's spelt) but I feel if I tell my doctor she will just think I'm crazy, I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this, you probably all think I'm just some desperate shut in, and you would be right in thinking that, I do, so I'm sorry if I've wasted your time, but thank you for reading