too much talking

Postby johnmason » Thu Nov 29, 2018 7:23 am

so how do i decide the level of talking? so its just that i have social anxiety and i also have this desire to socialize , connect with people? i literally force myself to talk to people and socialize..its just that sometimes it feels forced and i talk way too much( bit of adhd involved here) and overshare.. should i talk less? if i talk less how will i make friends and connect with(that is one of my concerns )? how should i handle this? i literally have zero friends..
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#1

Postby Candid » Thu Nov 29, 2018 7:59 am

Take an interest in other people, what they've done, where they've been, how they feel about their lives. People love to talk about themselves.
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#2

Postby johnmason » Thu Nov 29, 2018 8:03 am

is it ok if i as a person talk less? overtalking doesnt help
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#3

Postby Candid » Thu Nov 29, 2018 8:11 am

Ask questions. If talking to people is a problem for you, let them lead the conversation. You'll soon get the hang of it.
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#4

Postby johnmason » Thu Nov 29, 2018 1:36 pm

candid do u think introverted shy people like me should select friends carefully? i mean i shouldnt try to be everybodys friends right? i mean the person should be compatible with me right with similar interest?
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#5

Postby InkChalk » Thu Nov 29, 2018 7:06 pm

How about the opposite question...
How much do you listen?

People like being listened to, the more you listen the more likely the genuine value and quality of what you have to say in response will be appreciated.
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#6

Postby Candid » Fri Nov 30, 2018 7:38 am

johnmason wrote:candid do u think introverted shy people like me should select friends carefully? i mean i shouldnt try to be everybodys friends right? i mean the person should be compatible with me right with similar interest?


My own philosophy is everyone's a friend until they prove otherwise. I believe if you go through life being suspicious of all comers, you'll find plenty of reasons not to trust anyone.

"Introverted shy people" are so caught up in wondering what everyone thinks of them that they have no interest in others. They're constantly churning over in their minds whether this person likes them or is out to do harm; whether this one's all he appears to be or is lying through his teeth; whether she really wants closeness or is simply after their money.

I don't agree about "similar interests". Some friendships I've made that way were good at the time, but the friendship dwindles if there isn't a real connection between people. So... two people looking at the same thing can have a conversation, but when the shared interest is removed they may have nothing to talk about. Or... they find commonalities other than the shared interest, and the connection lasts a lifetime. That's not something you figure out in the first five minutes. In fact, you can be friends with someone for decades and never even consider why you like their company.

I don't question friendship, or my preferences for the company of some people and not others. Maybe it's a mystical process.

Introversion creates a sense of "there's me... and then there's the rest of the world". When you boil it down, we're all pretty much the same. We want the same things, we all bleed when we're cut, we all feel angry when we're treated badly. Understanding this is the key to relationship.

Making friends isn't threatening unless you think it is. You always have the right to object, or to walk away.
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