WTF happened to my life??
I was pretty happy before I quit. But weed begun to turn against me after starting to use daily. Angry, emotional, compulsive, unmotivated, social anxiety and strange uncontrolled sweating. It took me almost 5 years to get the giant hint from my body and mind.
Last year I decided to take a break to clean out my system before a family vacation. My wife had enough of me being a crusty a**hole the last few vacations. I didn't even think it was related to weed withdrawal. Looking back now.. it totally was.
My little break has now turned into 12 months due to the worst set of physical and emotional issues I've ever had to experience. I'm so afraid of weed now, I have ZERO desire to ever smoke again. Purely out of FEAR.
The first 3 months were like hell on earth. All I remember is crippling insomnia, major anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts mixed with excessive sweating and digestion problems. The worst was when checked myself into the ER after not sleeping more than 20 hours over 18 days. I remember reading about PAWS and how it could take up to 2 years. I thought, I don't think I can do this for 2 years!.
Well here I am at 12 months. I remember dreaming of 12 months when I was sure I'd be back to normal. It saddens me to say that I'm not back to normal and feel that this might be my new normal forever. I DO feel much better in many ways but I still battle with insomnia and lack of emotion (depression?) It could be insomnia affecting my mood or depression causing insomnia. Either way.. my sleep issues are really starting to take a toll on me.
This whole experience has totally aged me. I now look like a tired, beat up old man. When I look in the mirror I wonder if it was all worth it. Maybe I just need more time.
Sending thoughts, empathy and understanding to everyone.