Dwarf's journal

#15

Postby AngryDwarf » Wed Dec 05, 2018 11:45 pm

Month 5 / Day 150

Cthompson21 apologies for the late reply. I honestly can't remember how I felt other than thinking that smoking a bit of weed would be a good idea. Guess I must have felt pretty good. I had moved temporarily back in with my parents during the last quit, which likely made the recovery faster. This time around I'm sitting alone in my apartment, only seeing other people 1-2 times a week. I feel trapped but also incapable of doing much about it.

In other news, this last month has been unexpectedly hard. I feel like I have by my own lifestyle mistakes stalled my recovery. At the time of writing this I feel sicker than I have since the early PAWS. It's that vague but intense feeling-like-im-about-to-go-crazy-and-die-at-the-same-time mindfuk kind of thing. I think this was triggered by a series of heart palpitations I had today. For some reason I have been really paranoid about dying of heart attack. Technically it could happen anytime, chest pain out of nowhere and then you are dead. Bouts of anxiety also seem to cause chest pain occassionally, which only adds more fuel to the worry bonfire.

I may have been a bit too optimistic in my previous update... I'm no longer sure I will be fine by the end of this year. See you all at the six month mark in January. Happy Christmas & New Year!
AngryDwarf
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#16

Postby Cthompson21 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:21 am

Sorry you're still feeling bad! Thanks for replying though. Here's hoping the new year brings better days.
Cthompson21
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