In need of help

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 7:05 am

Is it possible to start to feel like I did at the beginning at 10 and a half months? I feel like I'm going crazy all over again! The fear, the anxiety the crying! Its midnight where I am at and I cant sleep I'm in a panic and I'm freaking out! Could things feel like the beginning at almost a year? I havent felt things this extreme sense the first 3 months? Is there something wrong with me? I feel desperate! I havent read about anyone else experiencing this? Is this normal? :cry:
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#1

Postby cleanofgreen » Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:44 am

Hey Hope

Sounds like you have a bad wave of paws and when a bad one hits it feels like you're back to square one. Have you some way of doing some intense exercise right now in the middle of it. I always found that when in the middle of a bad wave the best thing to do was exercise my butt off. Think of it like this, your body is in the fight or flight mode and needs do expend that energy by moving fast. So give it what it needs and exercise till you sweat a lot. You'll feel a lot better after it.

Good luck and stay strong.
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#2

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:16 pm

cleanofgreen wrote:Hey Hope

Sounds like you have a bad wave of paws and when a bad one hits it feels like you're back to square one. Have you some way of doing some intense exercise right now in the middle of it. I always found that when in the middle of a bad wave the best thing to do was exercise my butt off. Think of it like this, your body is in the fight or flight mode and needs do expend that energy by moving fast. So give it what it needs and exercise till you sweat a lot. You'll feel a lot better after it.

Good luck and stay strong.
Thank you so much for replying. I thought feeling like I did in the first 3months was over. I have had really bad waves but nothing like the beginning again. The past two months I have felt like the waves were getting like the first three months but still not as intense as the beginning. I feel like I'm going crazy all over again. I started to think it wasnt PAWS anymore because I'm so confused on how in the world I'm feeling like this again? Did you experience this? Could something else be wrong with me? I feel terrible..... :cry:
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#3

Postby Astro413 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:53 pm

As cleanofgreen said in an earlier post “it’s always darkest before the dawn”. This could just be the final stages of paws that your in, like the last push. I can’t tell you this for a fact but you could be completely better once this phase is over with. That being said this will happen, personally this happens to me too, I’ll have a good few days, then bad days, then a few more good days, then a few really bad days. It varies every time albeit thankfully I have not gone back to where I was in the first 3 months but I am only just at 7 months. Just stick with it and keep doing what you’ve done to get as far as you have and it will pass
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#4

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 3:16 pm

Astro413 wrote:As cleanofgreen said in an earlier post “it’s always darkest before the dawn”. This could just be the final stages of paws that your in, like the last push. I can’t tell you this for a fact but you could be completely better once this phase is over with. That being said this will happen, personally this happens to me too, I’ll have a good few days, then bad days, then a few more good days, then a few really bad days. It varies every time albeit thankfully I have not gone back to where I was in the first 3 months but I am only just at 7 months. Just stick with it and keep doing what you’ve done to get as far as you have and it will pass
In the midst of me feeling like I was going crazy and freaking out the thought of "just do it and get it over with" but I didnt give in. I wonder that too. What if it's my brains final attempt to get me to go back? I dont want to feel this way anymore I'm freaking exhausted...yeah its a roller coaster you feel ok not 100 and still with symptoms but they let you breath a little and then you feel terrible and symptoms are bad but again it didnt feel like this like the beginning. I did notice though that after hitting 8 months my bad waves did kinda feel like the first time but not as intense but terrible. Then this happens to me last night and I'm left so confused. I started to think what I havent thought in a long time. "What if im just going crazy?" I was finally able to calm down like at 4 in the morning and was able to get some sleep...I still feel uneasy. I guess bc I know that it's just not over. I'm calm but I know it's not going to last....
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#5

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:11 pm

I've said this before somewhere, but you get these super waves at months 3, 6, 9, 12, 18 and then they mellow out, it doesn't always happen exactly around those months but those are the approximate dates. For you looks like it's happening a month earlier which means you're actually recovering faster. The correct recovery time is 4 years, we just stop feeling the symtoms along the way but if you go back to substances or get into a stressful situation you will feel the PAWS again. Which is why you should take the extra care till the 4 years. Very important, stop worrying if something is wrong with you, if it is then you should be enjoying your last days of your life as much as possible instead of worrying about them, if it isn't then no point worrying about something that isn't wrong.

And YES, others have gone through this, on this site and other sites as well. Meth and heroin users suffer upto 7 years, so consider yourself lucky.

Lastly, and this is for everybody, stop looking at it as a time line, there isn't "how you're supposed to feel like on this month". It doesn't work like that. Your month 1 can be as bad as month 14 or your month 1 could have been amazing and paws got very bad on month 6. If you're in PAWS, your are going to have to face it. Period. It can be severe or it can be mellow, it can be similar or completely different and new symtoms. it's just your brain fighting and recalibrating at the same time . Just give it time and carry on.
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#6

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:18 pm

ashthewarrior7 wrote:I've said this before somewhere, but you get these super waves at months 3, 6, 9, 12, 18 and then they mellow out, it doesn't always happen exactly around those months but those are the approximate dates. For you looks like it's happening a month earlier which means you're actually recovering faster. The correct recovery time is 4 years, we just stop feeling the symtoms along the way but if you go back to substances or get into a stressful situation you will feel the PAWS again. Which is why you should take the extra care till the 4 years. Very important, stop worrying if something is wrong with you, if it is then you should be enjoying your last days of your life as much as possible instead of worrying about them, if it isn't then no point worrying about something that isn't wrong.

And YES, others have gone through this, on this site and other sites as well. Meth and heroin users suffer upto 7 years, so consider yourself lucky.

Lastly, and this is for everybody, stop looking at it as a time line, there isn't "how you're supposed to feel like on this month". It doesn't work like that. Your month 1 can be as bad as month 14 or your month 1 could have been amazing and paws got very bad on month 6. If you're in PAWS, your are going to have to face it. Period. It can be severe or it can be mellow, it can be similar or completely different and new symtoms. it's just your brain fighting and recalibrating at the same time . Just give it time and carry on.

.....I dont know how to feel towards your comment. I guess because I'm just not feeling well...I dont know. But thanks for commenting.
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#7

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 6:01 pm

Go get a full medical check up done, get some peace of mind.
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#8

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 6:20 pm

ashthewarrior7 wrote:Go get a full medical check up done, get some peace of mind.

Wont that cause more stress though? Waiting for test results n things like that?
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#9

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 6:50 pm

Yes for 3-4 days, right now you've been worried beyond 3-4 days and will continue to be worried until the wave subsides. There is no easy alternative, there is no divine entity that is going to tell you are fine right here right now. You have to take action and get the facts right yourself.
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#10

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 7:34 pm

ashthewarrior7 wrote:Yes for 3-4 days, right now you've been worried beyond 3-4 days and will continue to be worried until the wave subsides. There is no easy alternative, there is no divine entity that is going to tell you are fine right here right now. You have to take action and get the facts right yourself.

When all of this started my dr said I was going to be going through that for months. She believed me 100 that it was from quitting. My issue is that this wave feels like the beginning almost exactly. I'm 10 and half months today so of course it's going to freak me out. Lastnight I felt like I was going crazy and the terrible anxiety feeling of hopelessness irrational thinking n I guess cravings. I feel terrible as I write this. I have never been through anything like this in my life. I dont know what to expect. I know it's a rollercoaster just I didnt know that feeling like you did a full circle could happen. Cleanofgreen gave me some good insight. About how some waves are so bad that it feels like your back at square one. I didnt know that until I am here experiencing it for myself. Knowing I'm not the only one brings comfort and support.
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#11

Postby thegreatdane » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:20 pm

Hey man. Ive just hit a year and fort the past month i have been hit by big waves. The last 4 days i have been so insecure and depressed. Its horrible. Its like im at square one
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#12

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:38 pm

thegreatdane wrote:Hey man. Ive just hit a year and fort the past month i have been hit by big waves. The last 4 days i have been so insecure and depressed. Its horrible. Its like im at square one

Damn I'm sorry you're feeling that way. We could do this. We just have to hang on. I got mad and was like **** this I'm not going to give in to these symptoms and messed up thoughts. When the waves are over do you feel better?
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#13

Postby Head in loud » Fri Jan 18, 2019 11:05 pm

I feel you, today marks 200 day for me, not quit 10 months but still long time. Last night I had the exact thought that something is wrong with me. I had night sweat and DP/DR OCD and my mind is running 1000 miles a second. My blood pressure is high and the buzz sound on my right ears—sounds like star war swords. My cognitive skills is down, memory is worst and can’t concentrate for more then 2 min. PAW is indeed worst experience of my life. I’m pretty sure what you are experiencing is PAW. Also I would think you are not as worst as the first 3 months, what happens is with good days we tend to forget and once we get the bad days and really bad days It hit us heard. I would suggest you write down your symptoms and feeling like a journal and use it as reference when PAW hits. I had a really bad day today but when I compare to first 3 months based on what I have written on my journal it is a little better. I’m pretty sure you will feel better soon so give it time and do excereice; just running or walk will be good as well. Hope you feel better soon!
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#14

Postby thegreatdane » Fri Jan 18, 2019 11:52 pm

Exactly head in cloud!! I have had better days, but the thing is once a paws wave hit i just forget about it. I cant even remember my good days, it just feels like i am ment to suffer. I was in a really good gym, eating healthy lifestyle and because of this paws wave i have had zero motivation to do anything. I dont know what to do.
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