Am I a sexual abuser?

Postby badielixir » Wed Jan 23, 2019 12:00 pm

Hi,
When i was around the age of 11-12, i had a bestfriend who was also in my age. Back then we did some things that disgust me till now. After school, i would ask her to accompany me to the toilet. There i would dry hump on her and we fondled. sometimes she likes too and sometimes she doesn't. She rarely says no but when she does, i try to convince her and she'll give in and enjoys it later. Sometimes she started our 'play' first. We've kissed only once. I've always questioned if i liked her but i came to realize I didn't.
Now that I'm 18, i feel so disgusted by my stupid acts and hate myself for it. We've both loss contact of each other which makes me even more guilty as I'm afraid I've hurt her. It scares me that i might be a child sexual abuser. I feel so ashamed and guilty for everything i did as it is disguting and abnormal. Until today it has affected my dail life. I'm scared of getting into a relationship. I always flinch away from sudden touch. My guilt is like a burning reminder of how cruel i was and it has caused me stress and anxiety overtime. I really don't know how to lead a normal life without constantly being reminded by my shameful past.

Ana
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jan 23, 2019 2:05 pm

Two people going through puberty is not abuse.
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#2

Postby badielixir » Wed Jan 23, 2019 2:08 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Two people going through puberty is not abuse.


how can i stop feeling guilty about it as it keeps haunting me
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jan 23, 2019 2:21 pm

badielixir wrote:how can i stop feeling guilty about it as it keeps haunting me


By realizing that experimenting during or around the time of puberty is very, very normal. It is nature. Boys get erections, girls start to develop breasts. Billions of people have memories of some form of experimentation.
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#4

Postby ProvRepublic » Thu Jan 24, 2019 5:14 pm

No, trust me, it's normal reaction
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#5

Postby lol4er » Sun Jan 27, 2019 6:29 pm

its is alright as a kid
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