Hello everyone,
I'm new on here, been here before when trying to quit, but I have spent the last 15 years of my life trying to convince myself I'm "normal" and I can have a smoke if i want to.
But is it normal to be addicted to a substance?
F**cking sick of people trying to tell me its all in my head and most people don't have a problem with it..
Bull ***t!
If its every day then you have a problem, whether you like to admit this to yourself or not.
My normal habits are smoking from when i get home from work at 5.30pm, untill when i go to bed at 12.30am, usually getting through about 2g or £20's worth of the highest grade crap i can find.
Always still stoned when i wake up, untill about 10.30am then i come out of the haze if i'm working hard.
Yesterday I stayed at home, i didn't want to go out with my smoking buddies, even tho a long-lost stoner pal has just moved back to my hometown, i just dont wanna be a stoner anymore, it makes me sad to say this but i know it's true.
I have this weird sense...that something is coming for me, like some part of me that won't give up is saying, right then matey, lets get out of this hell-hole, i dont know if its connected but its been since my grandad passed away.
I know I've got to do it.
My heart races when I think of the pain that I know I will feel.
Half excitement, to be free...
Half panic from even thinking about losing my crutch.
The question is when...says my brain.
But I know the time is now.
Problem for me is that I keep finding some sort of enjoyment from smoking, this has always been my way, I tell myself i have nothing else to live for, which is very damaging to me.
I had some sort of social anxiety issue when I started, so that doesn't help.
So i guess im sick of beating myself up for smoking it.
Then beating myself up for being weak, to make sure I do smoke it.
All my sh** is going tonight.
Tomorrow will be day one.
Any comments or suggestions are welcome, especially for supplements or food good for the physical chemical detox that will ensue.
Thank you to every single person on here for every single post, i have read most of them, very insipred by ade...
I will get there...
Ben.