Socially Awkward and Being Excluded as an Adult

Postby scot2018 » Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:57 am

SO I struggle terribly with being socially awkward and not always knowing what to do in social situations or how to ingratiate myself to the people I want to be friends with. I find this problem has caused a repeated pattern in both work and my private life. First on individual gets annoyed with me. Then they dislike me. The dislike grows to almost hate. Then whatever group I'm in begins pointedly leaving me out of things they do until I am completely alone almost all the time. On a number of occasions at my workplace it has created a toxic environment and a sort of bullying situation. I've left so many jobs because I see it starting. How do I find out what I do to cause this? How do I find out why people get to disliking me so much? How do I fix being so awkward? I've tried asking friends who are sincere friends and they can't tell me. A lot of times they are at a loss as to what it is that I've done to irritate someone. Once I had a friend ask the person who disliked me directly and they apparently didn't know why either. The common denominator is clearly me. What am I doing?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Feb 20, 2019 1:21 pm

There is no way to tell based on what you described.

If I had #1 guess, it would be that you try too hard which results in you talking too much. Very few people that are relatively quiet are considered annoying or repeatedly leaving jobs because people find their lack of commentary irritating. I’m not saying silent, but reserved people that let others do most of the talking typically don’t result in exclusion.

And you might not see it. You might consider yourself relatively shy or introverted, but that’s not what others see. They see someone trying too hard, forcing a conversation. Or maybe you get comfortable too quickly and start sharing too much, too soon.

Like I said, there is very little to go on, but that would be my uneducated guess.
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#2

Postby scot2018 » Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:37 am

Thanks! I’ve been told something similar that was specific to me, but kinda doubted that could be the effect. Thank you
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#3

Postby whybotherwhynot » Fri Feb 22, 2019 2:49 pm

When I first read your post, I thought you were an extreme introvert because people that type are usually labeled as socially awkward by the society. And then it got to your head, and you believed that yourself too.

But then I read Richard’s reply, guessing you were “talking too much”, then I’m not sure if you are an extrovert (?)

From my observations in life and at work, I see that mostly extreme extroverts criticize the extreme introverts as socially awkward; and on the reverse, the introverts would say the extroverts as arrogant and annoying. On the either side, all people have good and bad, strong and weak points.

I don’t know what you really are. But whatever you are, you are not alone. If you want to be liked, you need to have a good look at yourself. Ask yourself a question do you like yourself? If not, learn to change what you don’t like. If you are the kind who talk too much, learn not to talk so much. If you are the kind who are too quiet, learn to speak up, to talk a little bit more. Take baby steps by beginning with saying “hi, good morning, how are you?” to your co-workers. Eventually, ask “how’s your day going?” Most people will reply politely and ask you back. If someone’s grumpy or ignores you, you just let go, and don’t take it personally. Show your interests in others and share a little bit about yourself. Remember not to ask too much or share too much about people's and your personal life; otherwise, you would be considered as being nosy or your information might be coming back to bite you later.

Anyway, workplace is a place to work, not really a place to make friends though. Believe me. When you come to work, try to be nice reasonably and professional. You will be okay.

Don’t try too hard. Learn to take things easy. Learn to balance yourself between the E and the I type. I know it’s easier said than done. But try.
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#4

Postby scot2018 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:17 pm

Now there is something I hadn’t really considered. My Meyers Briggs is infp. Is this a personality type that struggles with this?

In truth at this point I’m more curious about that possible phenomenon then fixing my own problems. Lol. I apologize if that throws anyone off.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Feb 24, 2019 2:26 am

scot2018 wrote: My Meyers Briggs is infp. Is this a personality type that struggles with this?

In truth at this point I’m more curious about that possible phenomenon then fixing my own problems.


#1 Myers-Briggs has been soundly crushed as having any sort of actual scientific validity. Consider Myers-Briggs as the modern day equivalent of asking what is your astrological sign.

#2 It is a distraction. It’s hogwash that becomes self-fulfilling. Same as when a person learns they are supposedly extroverted because they are XYZ star sign, people begin to act in ways the Myers-Briggs says they supposedly are suppose to act. It becomes a justification. “I didn’t go to the party, because I’m INFP.” Utter crapola the has been debunked, but people stil buy into it.
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#6

Postby scot2018 » Mon Feb 25, 2019 9:47 pm

Really? That’s actually a relief! Ty
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