Postby JENNY23 » Sat Apr 27, 2019 10:10 am

This post is mostly just to get things off my chest as frankly I feel as though I am draining the life from my ever amazing partner who so greatly listens to my every the title states I am struggling. Recently I have been struggling to get through the days...I am a carer for my elderly gran who I love but as of recent been finding it harder to be around her and do all the things that I have been willing to do before...she is a woman stuck in her ways/views and can be very difficult, lately though I do not like the person I have become with her; snappy, nippy, rude....I used to feel guilty for acting in this way towards her and yet I find myself being this way towards her more often. She has had a hard life and there isn't anyone else to care for the way I do but recently I am resentful for this.. I have my own mental health problems, I have suffered low moods for as long as I can remember...I go through periods of feeling high but lately the low moods are lasting longer, the empty feeling in my stomach feels never ending, I go through the motions with family; things I used to enjoy or gave me enjoyment doesn't anymore which scares me... I have people who are dependent on me for emotional/physical support but I am in need of these things myself. Why should I make myself unwell to ensure the wellness of others and why must I be made to feel bad for trying to put myself first for once and trying to have my own I said really just looking to vent.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Apr 27, 2019 12:23 pm

JENNY23 wrote: Why should I make myself unwell to ensure the wellness of others and why must I be made to feel bad for trying to put myself first for once and trying to have my own life...

You don’t. That is a common misunderstanding. You actually do others and the community a disservice when you don’t first take care of yourself.

I was in the military and then law enforcement. In both professions, you don’t sacrifice yourself as all that does is result in two people in need of help instead of only one. When you don’t take care of yourself, you end up with two casualties in need of rescue,

It can be difficult, but establish hard limits. Establish firm boundaries of what you are capable of giving and sustaining without taking yourself out of action. If this means you need 2 hours of exclusive “me time” each day then stick to that rule. Maybe you need more, maybe less. If sacrificing 20% of your income is sustainable, then do that but not a single penny more. If it means having someone else take care of XYZ for gran and you do ABC, then do that.

In other words, do what you can, but don’t fall on your sword. It does no one any favors.
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Postby demonbluess » Tue Apr 30, 2019 1:32 am

Always know this is a safe place to get things off your chest. Don't ever feel guilty about that. Feel free to vent.

You're in a tough spot. Remember to love yourself. You can't poor from an empty glass. I know that's easier said than done but work on it a little bit every day.
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Postby hojoos » Fri May 03, 2019 6:21 pm

what is that?
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Postby James_Lee » Fri May 03, 2019 11:13 pm

Above all, I think, it is important for you to know, that these sort of feelings are common. In my cases, often just knowing that cases like mine are not rare, make me feel so much more better. You have to take a deep breath and deal with the situation.
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