Age gap child exploration

Postby Mememe292935 » Mon May 06, 2019 9:25 pm

Hi

I’m a 37 year old female.

When I was 11/12 I used to spend a lot of time with my mums friends children who were 3 and 1.

I remember making up a game of getting the 3 year old to draw around my hand or play with my hair as I liked the tickling feeling.

What I’m worried about is I also remember when I was 5 I used to lay on top of my lifesize doll and kiss it/feel aroused.
I’m now pretty sure I pulled the real 3 year old on top of me due to similar feelings, when I was 11/12 but no kissing. I don’t honestly know everything that happened but I hope I didn’t get her to touch me or vice versa.

I was very mature for my age and knew right from wrong and the guilt tells me I knew this was wrong. It’s haunting me. What’s strange is that I hated bodily fluids as a child and hated when the 3 year olds mum would get her to kiss me before she went to bed.

I never wanted to play experimental games with the girl next door who was my age. When she moved away, the only people I played with (as in hung out with) were all younger in our block.

I’m racking my brain trying to remember what else I might have done or felt. I was weirdly attracted to a cardboard doll you used to stick clothes on, a cartoon pregnant woman, my primary school teacher etc. But I’m straight with a husband now and always dated older than me.

Is 12 and under wrong to be having sexual feelings around much younger kids? I can’t say it was a reoccurring thing. I don’t know though.

I was 14 when I had my first kiss and definite sexual encounter with a boy of the same age.

Please help me.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 06, 2019 11:51 pm

Mememe292935 wrote:Is 12 and under wrong to be having sexual feelings around much younger kids?


Is going through puberty wrong?

No.

When puberty inevitably occurs there is no field manual that says be only sexually attracted to 18 - 85 year old males. There is no guide that says don’t experience feelings for cardboard cutouts, or dolls, or grandma, or a sibling, a pregnant pet, or a shower nozzle.

Nature isn’t wrong. Your 37 year old mind is trying to retroactively blame a 12 year old mind negotiating puberty. Cut your 12 year old self some slack.
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#2

Postby Mememe292935 » Tue May 07, 2019 3:16 am

Thanks, Richard.

Just to clarify tho...actually putting a 3 year old on top of me because I was having sexual feelings, does what you say still apply? Still normal? I guess I didn’t word it properly to satisfy my ocd mind. To me it feels like I was mature enough to resist. Knowing it felt wrong tells me that.

That’s the only part of the memory that I can ‘grab’. I’d like to think that if I’d done more, with her or with others, then I’d remember.

But anyway, I like to shut my ocd up by a general answer. Can I tell myself that anything I did at that age is like you said...and not perverted or predatory? Even highlighting the above? That’s normally enough these days to stop me delving into the details. I’ve come a long way really but this is my worst theme.

I really appreciate your help.
So yeah, is pulling a 3 year old on top of a 12 year old me, wrong? I feel like I should have resisted.
And any other things that *could* have happened at that age....normal childhood exploration?

Thank you in advance
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#3

Postby James_Lee » Tue May 07, 2019 3:31 am

Mememe292935 wrote:Thanks, Richard.

Just to clarify tho...actually putting a 3 year old on top of me because I was having sexual feelings, does what you say still apply? Still normal? I guess I didn’t word it properly to satisfy my ocd mind. To me it feels like I was mature enough to resist. Knowing it felt wrong tells me that.

That’s the only part of the memory that I can ‘grab’. I’d like to think that if I’d done more, with her or with others, then I’d remember.

But anyway, I like to shut my ocd up by a general answer. Can I tell myself that anything I did at that age is like you said...and not perverted or predatory? Even highlighting the above? That’s normally enough these days to stop me delving into the details. I’ve come a long way really but this is my worst theme.

I really appreciate your help.
So yeah, is pulling a 3 year old on top of a 12 year old me, wrong? I feel like I should have resisted.
And any other things that *could* have happened at that age....normal childhood exploration?

Thank you in advance


So nice to meet you. I have the same exact problem that I was discussing in a previous thread!
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#4

Postby Mememe292935 » Tue May 07, 2019 6:51 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Mememe292935 wrote:Is 12 and under wrong to be having sexual feelings around much younger kids?


Is going through puberty wrong?

No.

When puberty inevitably occurs there is no field manual that says be only sexually attracted to 18 - 85 year old males. There is no guide that says don’t experience feelings for cardboard cutouts, or dolls, or grandma, or a sibling, a pregnant pet, or a shower nozzle.

Nature isn’t wrong. Your 37 year old mind is trying to retroactively blame a 12 year old mind negotiating puberty. Cut your 12 year old self some slack.


Re-read this and I understand. But surely that makes me a child sex offender? Being attracted to and mildly acting on those feelings as a 12 year old myself - I was much older.
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#5

Postby Candid » Tue May 07, 2019 7:26 am

Mememe292935 wrote:I’m racking my brain trying to remember what else I might have done or felt.


Stop doing that.

This seems to be a new variant of OCD. Search James_Lee's threads and you'll see where Richard has listed a few of the many people who've come here with the same problem: details of the 'crime' and protestations of innocence but with a nagging doubt as to whether a courtroom would be so lenient. Above all, overwhelming feelings of guilt.

It's a mental issue, not a legal one.
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#6

Postby VasilenaHr » Tue May 07, 2019 8:36 am

Are you happy enough ? Because i am pretty sure if you are, if you are living how you want, you are working the job you want and you are loving the man you really want to be with, you are not going to spend your time like that. When we love ourselfes and we do what we love, it is totally normal to live in present, but not in the past or in the future. :)
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#7

Postby Mememe292935 » Tue May 07, 2019 4:44 pm

Candid wrote:
Mememe292935 wrote:I’m racking my brain trying to remember what else I might have done or felt.


Stop doing that.

This seems to be a new variant of OCD. Search James_Lee's threads and you'll see where Richard has listed a few of the many people who've come here with the same problem: details of the 'crime' and protestations of innocence but with a nagging doubt as to whether a courtroom would be so lenient. Above all, overwhelming feelings of guilt.

It's a mental issue, not a legal one.


I guess by law it’s not wrong. If the girl was my age I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. This only became an issue when someone asked about child exploration in an agony aunt column and the answer was ‘its fine as long as no age gap’.

I guess my question isn’t legal. It’s was this normal or was I a paedophile?
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#8

Postby James_Lee » Tue May 07, 2019 4:59 pm

I have a similar problem. You can check out my thread. But I will just say, that the DSM manual currently states that someone would have to be at least 16 to be diagnosed with pedophilia.
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#9

Postby Mememe292935 » Tue May 07, 2019 5:21 pm

James_Lee wrote:I have a similar problem. You can check out my thread. But I will just say, that the DSM manual currently states that someone would have to be at least 16 to be diagnosed with pedophilia.


Thank you. I have read your thread x sorry you’re suffering with this too x

How old are you now?
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#10

Postby James_Lee » Tue May 07, 2019 5:53 pm

Mememe292935 wrote:
James_Lee wrote:I have a similar problem. You can check out my thread. But I will just say, that the DSM manual currently states that someone would have to be at least 16 to be diagnosed with pedophilia.


Thank you. I have read your thread x sorry you’re suffering with this too x

How old are you now?


I am 19 now
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#11

Postby Mememe292935 » Wed May 08, 2019 4:54 am

Candid wrote:
Mememe292935 wrote:I’m racking my brain trying to remember what else I might have done or felt.


Stop doing that.

This seems to be a new variant of OCD. Search James_Lee's threads and you'll see where Richard has listed a few of the many people who've come here with the same problem: details of the 'crime' and protestations of innocence but with a nagging doubt as to whether a courtroom would be so lenient. Above all, overwhelming feelings of guilt.

It's a mental issue, not a legal one.


Do you think I should feel guilt?
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#12

Postby Mememe292935 » Thu May 09, 2019 1:12 am

Candid wrote:
Mememe292935 wrote:I’m racking my brain trying to remember what else I might have done or felt.


Stop doing that.

This seems to be a new variant of OCD. Search James_Lee's threads and you'll see where Richard has listed a few of the many people who've come here with the same problem: details of the 'crime' and protestations of innocence but with a nagging doubt as to whether a courtroom would be so lenient. Above all, overwhelming feelings of guilt.

It's a mental issue, not a legal one.


Do I take that as a yes? I should feel guilt?
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#13

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu May 09, 2019 1:39 am

Mememe292935 wrote:Do I take that as a yes? I should feel guilt?


Take it however you wish.

Life is too short to waste time repeating oneself. Good luck to you.
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#14

Postby Demerise831 » Tue May 21, 2019 9:58 pm

PM me as I’m a new user and it won’t allow me. I understand your concerns.
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