Difficult Life?

Postby SailorMan » Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:49 am

New user here, looking for advice. I've got low self esteem and confidence due to a weird circumstance I can't pin point. I'm 23 and work two jobs: one full time and one part time. I was not confident, so a couple years back I joined the military as a reservist. In my full time job I get pestered, due to it being the naval reserve. (Insert all the Navy jokes you can think of here). I've never had a girlfriend, but haven't thought of even looking for one, due to being insecure about myself because of the Navy thing..anyways, I became an introvert and don't even hang out with coworkers from either workplace, and have developed a quiet and secretive personality. Quite the opposite of the personality I used to have. I could go on, but honestly, I've become bored typing this.
SailorMan
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:25 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Candid » Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:38 pm

Tell us about your family of origin, how you get on with them.

If you've always been quiet, insecure and lacking in self-esteem, we may be able to pinpoint where it started.
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8458
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 359

#2

Postby SailorMan » Wed Sep 11, 2019 5:48 pm

Family is all good. We are very close. I've just closed up and haven't figured out why. It's odd. But I have realized that the less you tell people, the more they ask and ask and ask, to try and get more info out of you.
SailorMan
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:25 am
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Candid » Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:43 am

No more questions from me, SailorMan, except why don't you get out of the navy, if you think it's making you miserable?
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8458
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 359

#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Sep 12, 2019 2:55 pm

@Sailorman learn how to take a joke. Getting out of the navy will not cure that.

I think you are on the right path in that the underlying issue is a lack of self confidence. If you were confident then you would recognize that jokes about the navy are meant to welcome you rather than exclude you from any group.

A typical response you could offer when ribbed about the navy might be, “At least I can get into the navy you (insert inclusionary insult in return, e.g. freckle faced ginger).

How do you build self confidence?

Well...you build it. If you went through basic then you should have some idea how confidence is built. You establish small goals that challenge you to be slightly better today than you were yesterday. In fact, the military uses “confidence courses” that use rope bridges, walls, and other obstacles you must navigate. The wall isn’t 0.5 meters tall and the wall isn’t 7 meters tall. The wall is 2 meters or slightly more as to provide a challenge that when accomplished builds your confidence.

The navy also teaches you some specialty. This requires effort on your part as they take you step by step through the program. With each step, pass or fail, it builds your confidence. When you graduate confidence high.

Withdrawing from a challenge is just a downward self fulfilling prophecy that tears down self confidence.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10612
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1084

#5

Postby SailorMan » Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:25 pm

Thanks guys.
SailorMan
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:25 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby SailorMan » Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:46 am

I found some people in my office building (different departments though), who seem way happier than my normal coworkers. I found a solution to my problems I think: If I surround myself with positive people, I'm better prepared for the negative losers. They even invited me to a golf game this weekend! I'm much happier now. Who'd a thought that all it took was me walking away from these daily assholes, instead of just taking the sh** and bottling it up. What an easy fix! Now I can ignore the bastards in my office, and think about the real friendships I'm making down the hall.
SailorMan
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:25 am
Likes Received: 0

#7

Postby Candid » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:27 pm

Brilliant! I'm glad to see this. Wise words for all of us: if you're not happy, it could be the company you keep.

@Richard: This is where you come out strong. While I'm looking for why someone should be "quiet, insecure and lacking in self-esteem", you come straight out with a plan for managing the presenting problem.

Then the OP pops back having found his own solution...
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8458
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 359

#8

Postby SailorMan » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:43 pm

Yeah, the people in the regular office are negative, not really open minded..I am MUCH happier not being around the negative Nancy's..plus, I spoke to the incoming commander of my naval unit who told me to call a spade a spade, stand up for yourself, and let me know that people can never be able to dictate or control the way other people think. Feels good to have the tools now.
SailorMan
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:25 am
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Self Esteem & Confidence