Hysterectomy miserable

Postby Imissme » Wed Dec 11, 2019 1:55 am

I have been living nightmare pretty much from 2012 right to current day with no light a head. Partial removal in 2012 double ectopic pregnancy, removal of both tubes 1 ovary.(had tubal ligation 11/2011 after birth of son) Slight on set of hot flashes and moodiness, hair loss and weight fluctuations, I played it off thinking just getting hormones back on track after having my son. Fast forward to 2015 I went through 4 months of continuous bleeding Jan 2016 have an ablation. Okay I am feeling a little better....sex drive is decreasing a little. I meet my husband...end of 2016. Things are going wonderful...hotflashes still there and raging!! February 2017....hemorrhagic cysts occuring on my remaining ovary. Fibroids developing in my already scarified uterus....excruciating pain. This happens off and on for 2 months. 5/2017 hysterectomy and oophorectomy. HRT (estrogen) as soon as I wake up....healing time right? Well 3 months later back at gyn cuz my now fiancee isn't happy that my sex drive hasn't bounced back. I explain to him and my gyn explains I just had major surgery...and my body is going through major changes. It's not( I am not) going to be the same. Weight gain, depression and an ever so angry other half....i already feel awful about my body he's now pissed because I dont want to have sex. January 2018 after discussing the ungodly hugeness of my breasts since the HRT..going from 36c to a 38E my body was aching my neck hurt my god damn teeth hurt!! I chose to have a reduction. Fat lot of good that did...I about died hours after I left hospital had to be opened back up and have 2 cups of free floating blood and serous fluid removed and drains put in. Lots of healing time there!! And I then had 7 months of intense mental health help just to deal with it. I cant work yet and Def no sex drive, I am a damn mess. August 2018 back to work 40+ hrs a week. He is now telling me Its called maintainence sex, I should look it up.(mind you I am the only on working at this time) a kid in college and a kid in kindergarten. Neither are his. I am an emotional mess. It's now October 2018 he presents as a R sided stroke....hospitals all the test imaginable. HE HAS MS!!! Will never be able to work again...life is offically harder. He is anhrier than ever and depressed. Life goes haywire he becomes inverted and abuses his medication. And becomes verbally abusive. Def no desire to be any form of intimate with him. I have him removed from home....after 2.5 months of therapy and udt's(urine drug tests) i allow him home. June 2019 we get married, Now comes more and more of the I need to be understanding of his intimacy needs. He grabs my still sore breasts and tries being touchy feely...mind you I know its all in the manor of trying to make me want to have sex...I'm tired and stressed!! Drs appointments for him often and for me...i am now severely anemic and have a bleeding disorder. Then comes the being told I dont care about him its my fault he's gained weight. It's my fault I had the surgery that set everything on the downward spiral. It's 95% of the reason everything is wrong. Tells me "you're okay with me beating my **** to porn, you're a cold mean nasty bitch!"
Now mind you I work over 50 hrs a week, come home and do all the wife stuff as well as all the mom stuff. My son is 8. Two nights ago my son heard him tell me "this relationship really sucks" I am lost!!! I am expected to have sex with him...to want to have sex with him. I will not lie. I DO NOT WANT TO!! He has made me feel an inch tall and worthless. He keeps telling me this is my fault. If I would just be more up for physical touching, "Just have angry sex" "I'd be happy with that.. buttttt no!! You enjoy being miserable"

Why would I want to be sexual with someone who makes me feel like like his penis is more important than fixing our emotional, anger and depression problems.

What do I do? Anyone?
Imissme
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Dec 11, 2019 4:22 am

What do you do?

Here is a summary of what you posted...

He is a jerk.
He is a jerk.
He is a jerk.
He is a jerk.

Unless I missed it, you did not post a single redeeming or positive quality about this other person.

Your post indicates he doesn’t work, he gets angry, he doesn’t care about you, etc. etc.

What do you do?

Well, based on what you posted you leave. I mean, why would you have gotten involved let alone married?

So there is more to the story, because you are not stupid or incompetent. You had reasons for choosing this person to marry, but you didn’t provide that informatIon.
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#2

Postby Imissme » Wed Dec 11, 2019 1:59 pm

Saddly the marriage occured because of medical necessity, the brain damage from the lessions affecting memory and ability to recall.

At one point there was an in love status....no longer that way. I know I am not perfect by any means, well actually I am because I have flaws and make mistakes. I am human. I constantly feel as if I have to validate his anger towards life...I make up lies so my son isn't completely aware. I know he knows he is very smart boy. I am tired and regretting everything done for my health. Deep down I know I did what was best for me...but god he has done a great job of making me see only the negative effects of it.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Dec 11, 2019 2:08 pm

Imissme wrote: At one point there was an in love status....no longer that way....Deep down I know I did what was best for me...


Based on what you posted you leave the relationship, right?

If true that you married for medical necessity, you know deep down that is not a reason to stay in a marriage, right?

What reason do you have for staying in the relationship?
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