Wife is a different person after her hysterectomy

#30

Postby Opinion » Sat Dec 14, 2019 5:16 pm

FlyBy96 - I am SHOCKED to hear this latest news regarding your wife! I am truly at a loss for words, and can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that this has happened to you. I can't think of anything much worse then to discover that kind of betrayal from your own spouse. How incredibly sad! You must be going through so much emotional grief and shock. The loss of a marriage is incredibly hard, and I can't even begin to imagine how much you are going through at the moment. I hope that you have the support of good friends and family during this incredibly difficult time. I will keep you in prayer, and I hope that you are able to heal from this loss. God Bless you, and I wish you all the best going forward.
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#31

Postby Allisonmarie75 » Sun Mar 01, 2020 6:28 am

Hoping this message gets to use name OPINION..I came across a few of your replies regarding hysterectomies & the emotional damage it can cause to some women & I absolutely agree with you because I am living through the emotional changes/damage and I need to know if there is any getting through this because I am just about done. My hysterectomy was absolutely necessary to save my life when I was 39 ( I am 44 now ) during my daughters c section. I had placenta accreta & lost all my blood. I still have both of my ovaries but I'm not sure about my tubes.
I was severely depressed for 3 years after, I functioned because I had to & hid the severity of my depression to everyone. Became obsessed with waiting for the end of the world because that was the answer & when that never came I decided to pick myself up & put myself back together. Lost 30 lbs, different attitude, etc This is a problem for everyone including my husband. My marriage is failing because I cant return to who I was. My husband says I dont feel anything anymore, not affectionate, dont initiate sex, I'm just empty... I love my husband & my kids but I dont think anyone even likes me anymore. I cant snap out of this and I feel like I have no fight in me anymore. I am losing my motivation to do anything..
When I woke up from having my daughter I knew something was wrong. I told my husband from that day on that something was wrong, something was missing. I am so disconnected to everyone including myself. I feel like the person who went to sleep for surgery never woke up.
Is there any chance of coming back from this? I am full of sadness & anger & resentment all the time.
I have no health insurance & can not afford to pay for visits.
Feel free to private message me.
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#32

Postby Opinion » Sun Mar 01, 2020 7:16 pm

@Allisonmarie75 - I am so incredibly sorry to hear what you have been going through since having your hysterectomy. Sadly, I can relate to many of the issues that you have listed. I also am struggling with emotional emptiness and connection with others. It's horrible to feel that you are now a stranger, to yourself, and to your friends and loved ones. From the time line you have given since your surgery, you are now 5 years post op and it has been long enough for you to have experienced the horrific physical effects of this surgery, (Figure changes from the rib cage dropping, etc). I think that you are in need of counselling, and the HERS foundation is your best bet for what you are going through. I recently started taking a product called Coenzyme Q10 by Webber Naturals. This has really helped with restoring some of my energy, and my legs no longer feel like they have heavy weights tied to them. I think you should start taking this product as soon as you can. If you have more energy, it will also help to bring up your mood. Also, vitamin D3 is very important as well. I think you would benefit from contacting Nora Coffey at the HERS foundation, she provides counselling for women who are struggling with the after affects of hysterectomy. It has also helped me to order some books, that have been able to give me some valuable information on how hormone levels are affected by hysterectomy, and what our different female sex organs do, and how they work. I would highly recommend purchasing "Hysterectomy & Ovary Removal" by Elizabeth Plourde. You can find this book on amazon. I also would recommend "The H Word" by Nora W. Coffey. Both of these books have been a great deal of help to me, and they will not only help to educate you on why you are feeling the way you are, but it will also help you to feel like you are not alone in this either. I think that is emotionally very important. In regards to the problems you are having with sexual intimacy, I can also relate to this. There is NO way that a woman can be the same sexually when her sex organs have been removed. Our sex organs is what gives us our sex drive, and we need to be intact (having all our sex organs) in order to function normally. Our ovaries, cervix, uterus, and fallopian tubes all work together as a communication system, when any of these organs are removed, it compromises proper function of the remaining sex organs that are left. I also have my ovaries, but they are not functioning properly because my Uterus and Cervix are gone. I was wanting to PM you, but was unable to. I contacted the site to see if they could fix this issue, and was told that they would try to fix this for me soon. I hope that I was able to help you. I wish there was more that I could suggest, hopefully I will be able to PM you, once this technical issue on the site is fixed. God bless you Allisonmarie75, and hang in there. As much as you feel that you are disconnected from your husband and your children, they still really need you and love you, and they would be devastated if anything happened to you. Please stay strong!
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#33

Postby Opinion » Sun Mar 08, 2020 7:13 am

@Allisonmarie75 - Hi Allisonmarie75, I am very sorry that it has taken me this long to contact you. I heard back from the website, and I am not able to PM anyone, until I have posted 30+ times here on Uncommon Forum. Unfortunately, I am not at their required number yet, so I am unable to PM you. I am so sorry :(

How are things with you right now? Were you able to contact the HERS foundation and speak to Nora???
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#34

Postby Allisonmarie75 » Tue Mar 10, 2020 6:23 am

Opinion- Thank you so much for your reply. I have not been able to get back into this website until tonight but it is after 2am here & I can barely stay awake. I will write more tomorrow.
Thank you again !
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#35

Postby Allisonmarie75 » Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:05 am

Opinion- Thank you again for reaching out. I have good days & bad days. I'm not sure if reading all the stories in this thread made me feel better knowing my feelings are not in my head or if I feel worse knowing these are REAL emotions based on facts. It's scary because if it was only me & only in my head that seems more "fixable" then something that is a medical & hormonal fact.
I will always be here for my family as long as God allows because one thing I havent lost is the sense of reality. Even when i am feeling at my worst & pretty much no sense of purpose anymore except to be here for them I just hang onto that & take long drives alone with the music on.
I have told my husband since my daughter was born & I needed the hysterectomy that something was wrong, something is missing emotionally . I just couldnt pinpoint it & over time I realized I am disconnected .
I did pick myself up at one point, held my head high, kept everyone at an arms length & that worked for a year ..I was happy but my marriage was falling apart ( according to my husband ) & recently my husband told me that I was not the humble person I used to be. I wanted to tell him I think that person is gone. " She " never woke up from surgery, someone else did.
I do know that the hysterectomy was necessary. Have you ever heard of placenta accreta ? When I was pregnant the placenta grew through my uterus & they couldn't separate it. I lost all my blood & lost the blood they were trying to give me. Quite a few women have died from this since I had my daughter. I Thank God all the time for me surviving & I feel terrible that I feel like this when other women died.
Im.sorry sometimes I start venting & just dont stop.
I'm going to look into the vitamins & HERS foundation. Thank you so much for your messages. I appreciate the time you took to respond.
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#36

Postby Opinion » Sat Mar 14, 2020 3:59 am

Allisonmarie75 - You're welcome, I am glad that I was able to reach out and give you some helpful information. I can absolutely relate to feeling disconnected, and to having good days and bad.
I have never personally looked into placenta accreta, but it sounds like it is very serious. Nora Coffey at the HERS foundation would know much more about it than myself, and would be able to answer any questions you have. I'm sorry that I do not know more about it. I am also glad that you survived, and are able to be there for your husband and children. All we can do is just take things one day at a time. As you said, some days are easier than others. I hope that you are able to get the counselling you need, and I am so very sorry that you are going through such a tough time. Stay strong, and take things one day at a time.
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