Why do I anxiously cut people off?

Postby Ruak » Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:59 am

For as long as I could remember, in the midst of an intense argument, I immediately resort to: “lets not talk anymore”, “i dont want to hear from you”, “i wish you the best”, “take care”. ALWAYS.

When I was in highschool, it was okay for me because I was figuring my life out. Now? I’m 25 still using this coping method and it is dangerous. I recently was talking to a guy long distance. Being frustrated with the distance, my past trust wounds, and the fact that he hasnt asked me to be his girlfriend yet (being transparent), has made me cut him off dozens of times in the last few months of us talking. I recently mentioned it and he flipped on me. He said he was tired of me threatening to leave him and end things.

I initially did not care. But i see the pattern and want help. (I also recently did this with a friend and we were friends for 3 years....)
Ruak
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#1

Postby CandyApples » Sun Feb 23, 2020 2:12 am

You might react like that bc its easier to throw up that wall and be "done" then fight and get emotionally hurt further. Its a good escape plan your mind thinks and may work for that moment, but you are right, it does have consequences. The person whom you argue with may think they cant ever talk to you bc you will always throw up that wall, or that they are disposable bc your like OK bye then.....which isnt a good feeling. I think its great your on here acknowledging there is a little problem, thats a great first step. Next time, actively try not to respond like that, breath, take a moment, pinch yourself, anything to try and not say that...or tell the ppl close to you hey when this and this happends, here is how I may react, I dont mean too Im working on it, and just take it step by step. Its ok to have defense mechanisms and its ok to see that its no longer working for you....I think its real easy to cut ppl out of your life when they make you mad, I agree but are the ppl you do this too, do you really want them gone? If the answer is no then ya you gotta try to bite your lip and take a different approach. If the ppl you are saying this too is someone who just brings out the bad in you no matter what, then maybe its best you do have them walk away. its just about how you want to "be" and who you want around you and who you dont.
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#2

Postby Ruak » Sun Feb 23, 2020 2:27 am

CandyApples wrote:You might react like that bc its easier to throw up that wall and be "done" then fight and get emotionally hurt further. Its a good escape plan your mind thinks and may work for that moment, but you are right, it does have consequences. The person whom you argue with may think they cant ever talk to you bc you will always throw up that wall, or that they are disposable bc your like OK bye then.....which isnt a good feeling. I think its great your on here acknowledging there is a little problem, thats a great first step. Next time, actively try not to respond like that, breath, take a moment, pinch yourself, anything to try and not say that...or tell the ppl close to you hey when this and this happends, here is how I may react, I dont mean too Im working on it, and just take it step by step. Its ok to have defense mechanisms and its ok to see that its no longer working for you....I think its real easy to cut ppl out of your life when they make you mad, I agree but are the ppl you do this too, do you really want them gone? If the answer is no then ya you gotta try to bite your lip and take a different approach. If the ppl you are saying this too is someone who just brings out the bad in you no matter what, then maybe its best you do have them walk away. its just about how you want to "be" and who you want around you and who you dont.



Wow... this REALLY gave me new perspective!! You are right in so many things that you said and suggested! Thank you so much!!
Ruak
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#3

Postby CandyApples » Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:35 pm

so, how are things lately?
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