8 months sober (must read)

[Daxexpression]

Hello, I’m new to the forum. Well not new, I’ve read a lot of stories, and advices on here but decided to register today to tell you a bit about my process, and hopefully it will help some of you as it did for me.

I started smoking weed in high school but it was a on and off thing. After high school is where I started smoking it daily. From 19 to 26, I stopped smoking September 1st 2019. I made this decision because I was engaged and wanted to turn my life around. Wanted to be a good husband and father and felt that weed was holding me back in life. My solution to everything was smoking weed and forgetting about my issues or problems and not dealing with it. Or smoking and giving up on what I started. I mostly smoked at night to go to sleep. Towards the end of my smoking days I remember I would wake up at 3am or 5am and would instantly smoke to go back to sleep.

These months were the hardest months of my life. I barely remember anything I did but I do remember everything I’ve felt. I cried almost everyday, I was worried and anxious from morning to night, I was in full panic mode all the time, anxiety was at a 100, my stress level was at a 100, always pacing back and forth, felt this tension and pressure in my head, depression, suicidal thoughts, always tired, lost of appetite, I went from 150 to 140, I was in full on survival mode. I didn’t speak to no one, I was always in my own head just thinking negative all the time, I couldn’t hold or keep a conversation with no one, I just wanted to be alone but at the same time I wanted someone with me, I couldn’t sleep at all, I felt like I wasn’t myself, like if my soul was not in my body. Everyday I looked like a zombie and worked my way through the day like a robot. I honestly had no hope. Being in a bad mood such as aggressiveness, irritable, angry, annoyed, frustrated, and worried. Had headaches all day long. Depersonalization is a real thing. My life over these past months was a emotional roller coaster.

PAWS is a real thing too. Now at 8 months, almost everything diminished. Thank God! Comparing from my first month til now is a big difference. I still get anxiety, mild depression, sometimes fatigue, and stress but is not as bad as how it was before. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Currently I’m dealing with stress. I just feel stressed out all the time and can’t seem to relax. Maybe is due to the pandemic, staying in most of the time, not being a able to socialize, go out and do things I enjoy such as go to the movies, eat at a restaurant, go to the gym, and etc. All I know all this stress is frustrating me and I do get emotional sometimes.

Things that helped me out during this process:
- take your vitamins!
- quit caffeine and alcohol
- stay away from porn and masturbation
- go for walks
- exercise at your own pace
- cut down on social media
- try to eat healthier
- ride bike or go for a long drive
- meditate
- read books
- have patience, don’t get obsess with the thought of “feeling normal” because you will rush the process and force it and it will only hurt you more
- go with the flow, take it day by day
- drink lots of water
- pray, it’s important to connect with your creator

Today marks 8 months of being sober. I will be graduating community college and will be transferring to a four year school. Lost a lot of friends, and I’m not engaged no more. I saved up lots of money. I gained a little bit of my weight back. Spend more time with family.

I was always escaping reality when I was smoking. I didn’t know what it was like sitting with my own thoughts and emotions. It was all scary at first but slowly I’m learning how to cope with them in a healthy way.

[gringo101]

Glad to hear that you found yourself and feeling much better then you used to. It takes grit to get over PAWS without relapsing.
I’m on month four, feeling better than month one to be homest where i couldn’t even go outside of how severe it was.
How long did the dp start to fade? Were you also experiencing a sort of foggy thinking 24/7?

[Daxexpression]

Congrats on being 4 month sober, takes a lot of strength to make it that far. Proud of you, keep pushing. IT WILL GET BETTER.

And dp started fading away at the beginning of month 5 for me but you gotta understand that everyone recovery is different. The foggy thinking is normal, i still get that from time to time. What helps is going for walks, exercising, eating more fruits and vegetables, try to watch movies/shows of your interest, and sleep sleep sleep. Sleeping is still a struggle for me but I'm getting the hang of it, i try to fall asleep at 11pm everyday.

Be patient with yourself, and do your best everyday. This isn't a race is a marathon. Before i use to put a time in my process thinking after a certain month i will feel better and i wouldn't. I learned that there's no time limit to this just take it day by day and before you know it you'll start feeling better little by little. Always reward yourself for each victory you accomplish.

[PAWSsurvivor]

Congrats. I had many of your symptoms and am also at month 8. Like you all my symptoms have diminished.

I keep reading more about the brain. Lots of conditions take a full year if not longer. It's just the brain's slow way of healing. Great job and good advice.

[Candid]

Thank you so much for the positivity of this thread, Daxexpression. I haven't been a pot smoker for decades—and I'm told toking is a very different game now—but I still smoke cigarettes, like my booze, and 'have to' get myself going with coffee in the mornings.

My solution to everything was smoking weed and forgetting about my issues or problems and not dealing with it. Or smoking and giving up on what I started. I mostly smoked at night to go to sleep. Towards the end of my smoking days I remember I would wake up at 3am or 5am and would instantly smoke to go back to sleep.

I can identify with this, and I wonder whether you have now dealt with your "issues or problems". Seems to me the crying almost every day may have been about that, and somehow got rid of them. Does that feel right?

Maybe is due to the pandemic, staying in most of the time, not being a able to socialize, go out and do things I enjoy such as go to the movies, eat at a restaurant, go to the gym, and etc. All I know all this stress is frustrating me and I do get emotional sometimes.

I feel this too. It's a different world. When I think about the town centre I wonder if I'll be scared to go back there! On this beautiful sunny morning, going to any one of the outlying villages for a pub lunch seems like a beautiful dream, the way I used to feel about going for an exotic holiday. I mean stuff I used to take for granted.

This list is great.

Things that helped me out during this process:
- take your vitamins!
- quit caffeine and alcohol
- stay away from porn and masturbation
- go for walks
- exercise at your own pace
- cut down on social media
- try to eat healthier
- ride bike or go for a long drive
- meditate
- read books
- have patience, don’t get obsess with the thought of “feeling normal” because you will rush the process and force it and it will only hurt you more
- go with the flow, take it day by day
- drink lots of water
- pray, it’s important to connect with your creator

One or two things I wouldn't do, but overall great advice and equally applicable to a cranky post-menopausal old woman!

I was always escaping reality when I was smoking. I didn’t know what it was like sitting with my own thoughts and emotions. It was all scary at first but slowly I’m learning how to cope with them in a healthy way.

Truly inspirational. Thanks again!

[Acliff21]

Glad you’re doing better! A true inspiration. Hitting the 5 month mark soon and still deal with head fog, head pressure and memory issues. Very confident it will get better soon tho. Try to do the same things you did to get myself better. Thanks for your share and good look with the rest of your journey!

[Prycejosh1987]

All what you said is good for fighting against addictions, we should fight addictions by any means necessary.