HI EVERYONE
I am an avid reader of this forum since last year. I am a 27 year old male. I am not a native english speaker so please bear with my english.
I started smoking Hashish when I was 18 Year old. Became a regular smoker at the age of 19. During graduation years ( age 19- 24) I smoked regularly each day after coming to home from college. In my city pot smokers mostly smoke cigarettes stuffed with hashish or ganja (weed) rather than using rolling paper or vaporiser. I used to stuff my cigarette with both hashish (lighting the hash and then rubbing & mixing it with tobacco) and weed thereby making a very potent doobie. I used to masturbate nearly 5-6 times a week being high on pot while watching porn during that period. It was during last year of college i.e at the age of 23-24 I noticed that my semen has lost nearly half of its viscosity, but there was no issue with sex drive or erections.
After college I had to be at home for 3 years ( I m still at home) for preparation of government job exams. During last 2 years at home i.e age 25-27 I smoked very heavily (nearly 6-8 cigarretes of hashish & weed mix each day). It was during this 2 year time my libido started to drop very significantly. Masturbations dropped to 1 per 3-4 days. Total number of cigarettes smoked ( normal+stuffed ones) reached an all time high of 25-30. My overall health started to drop very heavily. I felt fatigue most of the time.
Most affected thing was my sexual health. My semen lost all its viscosity. Now there is very small white viscous part( nearly 15-30%) in otherwise translucent semen( I started keenly noticing my semen after the last year of college). During the last 6 months I developed Erectile Dysfunction ( I lose erections midway during masturbation) and my libido dropped heavily.
However my ED has very peculiar characteristic i.e I get hard when i watch very rare kind of videos (not anything like rape or brutality or animal sex) for example woman must be middle aged in a specific position with boy for specific period of time etc. When i watch my kind of videos as described hereinbefore and masturbate watching them, then my problem of ED vanishes and also my semen contains more than usual white part ( 40-50%).
From last year I have also developed man boobs and also have gained weight.
I know I have f***ed up myself very hard. Currently I am Clean of WEED from last 6 weeks. I have also stopped smoking from last 3 weeks. Going through mild PAWS.
What made me post here is that yesterday I tried to masturbate to check my progress and ED was much more than before and semen has become lot watery ( much more than what it used to be when i smoked pot) . I am scared that I have f***ed up myself permanently.
Please Help