Low self esteem worse since mum died

Postby Sunflower1982 » Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:32 pm

I'm 38 I was raised by my mother who was an abusive alcoholic.

She constantly called me ugly and fat and criticized me and spoke badly about me to everyone. She would shout and be extremely verbally and physically abusive she never showed me affection and told me once I was her favorite child but not anymore .She would.always shout and publicly humiliate me.

She never acknowledged my accomplishments only focused on negative aspects like my learning difficulties.

I have struggled with low self esteem and confidence I cant stand to have my photo taken as I look grotesque and see myself as some weird looking alien so never have photos with my children
I can't stand my reflection in the mirror and try to avoid it .

I struggle to have healthy relationships as I always end up attracting people with the same traits as my mother who end up having abusive traits and drinking issues.

My mum passed away 5 months ago we weren't on speaking times and I've been very angry and bitter over the way she treated me and the damage its caused me .

I dont know how to build myself up or even be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with the person I am.

How to find some peace now she is gone.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:23 am

Sunflower1982 wrote: I dont know how to build myself up


A common problem.

It is not very easy. It can be very difficult. But this doesn’t mean it is a complicated issue. It is simple, in that a person “builds” in the exact same way you build a home, build furniture, build a bridge, build a resume, or build motivation.

How do we build things?

You start with the end in mind and then slowly take small steps towards whatever it is that you are trying to build. And you spend a lot of time on the foundation, developing a plan, and monitoring your progress.

I’m sure in life you have built any number of things, some more successful than others.

That building is a simple idea doesn’t then make it easy. It can be difficult and there can be setbacks along the way. Building something takes effort. Regardless, the process is the same. It doesn’t matter if you are building a fence or a mansion, it involves the same process.

For you, I would recommend small steps to build up your self esteem. Set small health goals, a small goal to learn a new recipe, to read a new book, to go for short walks, to spend more time with your children. Take pictures. Keep a journal of these small achievements.

The journal and pictures are records of what you have built. As you continue take slightly bigger steps.

It takes time to build things. I have kept a journal now for over 10 years. I look back and I see plenty of failure. I know I could have built more, but so what? The fact is I have built a lot over the years. And I continue to build. It is a work in progress that I recognize will never be finished. And that is a good thing.
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#2

Postby Dale_znovic » Tue Feb 09, 2021 6:15 am

my mom is very old now and i am really started to worry what would i do if she left me alone . i hope i will be a son who they want me to
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#3

Postby Inzo » Fri Mar 26, 2021 9:16 pm

Losing someone we love is a part of the natural process. They have had a good life and now it's your turn to have a good life. At the end of the day when you are in your death bad are you happy? or are you disappointed with your lost chances?
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