need for appreciation

Postby lenvilono » Fri Sep 02, 2016 9:34 am

i believe i crave appreciation and acceptance from other people.maybe it is due to my perfectionism i am a people pleaser. i am also hyper sensitive to criticism or insults. i have observed myself that at time i unconsciously try to be nice to people so that i can get very nice responese from them or i will behave in such a way that i would be saved from criticism or insults. two examples i will give here-
1.i went to meet my cousin sister.so i wanted her to greet me very nicely, talk to me , praise me etc. but i didnt't get that response so i felt disapponted.was i expecting too much ( perfectionism) here.

2.my therapist greeted me with a very nice smile and thank you last week . but today she didnt't do such things today although i talked to her in a very nice way. i felt disappointed and started thinking is she judging me.

so guys could you please tell me what i should do to stop such behaviour and feelings
lenvilono
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#1

Postby Roady » Sat Oct 29, 2016 7:50 am

You are just addicted.
Addicted to get attention from others.
If you get it, your day is great.
If you don't get it, you have a bad day.

The truth is that you have an axiety deep inside. This is a problem with (one of) your parents.
Lack of love, rejection maybe, fear of rejection.

To get the necessary love, you have learned to try to earn it. How? To do your best with good performances.
Every time you try to do better, you just believe that you are good enough. If the longing appreciations are not coming, next time you will try your best even harder.
This is the reason why you are a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a result of an anxiety inside.

You have to find love, because that is the only thing that will give you peace and self-acceptance.

I hope that this will help you.
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#2

Postby Candid » Sat Oct 29, 2016 8:56 am

lenvilono, give yourself lots of praise.
Wow, I look good today.
I am such a kind person.
I did that really well. etc.
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#3

Postby Trees » Fri Jan 06, 2017 7:07 pm

I agree with Roady and Candid, beautifully written! You need to realize that you don't need to earn appreciation. You are a great person and that's all you need to know.
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