Cutting

Postby Harlow » Sat Oct 22, 2016 4:05 am

Well I absolutely want to kill myself, one day I decided I'd do it if cutting didn't help, so I began doing just that.
So now I cut whenever i'm met with a situation i'm not emotionally fit for which is all the time.

Because I don't confront my problems I often get angry at myself and believe it is me to blame for my issues, since I don't confront them then it most definitely is... right?
So I self-punish.
Become depressed when i'm complimented or if someone says thank you or uses manners.
I feel as if though I don't deserve that.Makes me feel guilty for some reason.

And I know i'm sensative which gives me only more reason to cut.
At first I started on my leg (the side with no major artery) and I tryed to stop.But then recently my depression had gotten so bad that I began cutting on my wrists.
Not so deep that it draws blood or cuts a vain just deep enough that it causes welps and tiny scars and stings.
This way I can keep cutting without stopping as much.
And the next day they're still there so thats ok.
It might escalate though, it always does.

I blame my family honestly,
"Don't be bitter" they say
"Don't be so sensative" they say
"Try harder to be happy."
"Your depression is weird."
"You should be happy."
"You're so dramatic".

And even though I blame them I feel bad for blaming them.Thats something to cut about too.
And I know they're right.
It's honestly all my fault.
And I hate it when people tell me "It's not your fault" as if thats a piece of obvious information
as if it's common sense.
Thats so annoying.

I cut over silly things.I know, yes I know.I even take pills sometimes to fall asleep when I don't want to continue the day.Just random pills I find that make me drowsy.Sometimes nyquil sometimes other things.
I don't eat,don't go outside.
Don't live much.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Oct 22, 2016 4:31 am

Is it your fault?

Look at something as simple as the Stanford prison experiments. They demonstrated how easily and quickly the environment can influence behaviors. Then again, you are more than just your environment, right?

The debate over how much of who we are is nature (genetic) and how much is nurture (environment) has never been successfully resolved. But, so what? Well...it can be important when a combination of factors come together to form a person that resolves their self esteem issues by self mutilation.

So what can you do? Well, changing your environment is a big step. It won't solve everything, but it is a good start.

What does changing your environment mean?

I'm making some negative assumptions here, but don't focus on how what I am typing is or is not accurate. Instead, focus on the process of change. Delete all the current music you have that is rage, depression, and self loathing. Throw away all the black, crap clothing. Erase any porn or links to unhealthy crap. Stop surfing websites related to cutting, suicide, etc. In fact, just throw away your computer all together. Open the door to your room, clean it and turn on the light. Get rid of toxic friendships. Buy a gym membership, set some goals, learn a foreign language. If you are old enough, go join the military or an international non-profit organization.

Once again, the above could be 100% full of bullsh*t, inaccurate speculation, but that doesn't matter. It is just an example of what you do to change. Don't do some half a** change and expect results.

Last, do it NOW! Not tomorrow, not when you feel like it, but just take the step and start changing immediately. It is amazing how fast change can take place once you start.
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#2

Postby chronic_relapser » Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:14 am

How in the hell is that going to stop someone from cutting themselves. When I do it, I am always over-ridden with unbearable negative emotion. It is a great feeling thing to me to do. I never regret it and for myself it was almost preparation for beginning to get comfortable with needles and IV opiate use now. I just really like to harm myself because of the regret that I live with.

Don't worry about who is to blame, you won't find anyone. Nothing even exists to blame. You can blame everything, or nothing, or whatever you want, it won't get you anywhere and it doesn't matter whose fault it is. I often wonder what sick God sees fun in torturing people though. Or if it was humans who turned their back on life. Because I know my fellow man doesn't give a **** about me. I could administer that deadly dilaudid shot this very day and nobody would really give a ****. I mean people would, but they would get over it fast.

It is more about controlling your negative emotions than stopping the cutting, because I think that would stop it for you. How do you do that? Let me know if you find out. For me at 28 it ended up being klonopin and oxycodone, well the oxycodone isn't enough anymore, it has to be IV hydromorphine and insufflated heroin now. I am suicidal too and I honestly don't see myself living until 30. I don't want to. I want to make it go away. Why are you suffering figure it out. For me it's super super obvious why I am, but there's nothing I can do about it at all. So I slit my wrists all the time, at least once a week, I can't even wear t-shirts anymore without feeling awkward.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:00 pm

chronic_relapser wrote:How in the hell is that going to stop someone from cutting themselves.


Easy. When you change environments it helps to remove negative BS from your life. When you are exhausted from waking up at 5a, being productive all day and being engaged with life, your mind doesn't have the time to be feeling all sad and lonely and mentally masturbating about whether or not the universe has some responsibility to make you happy.

Because I know my fellow man doesn't give a **** about me. I could administer that deadly dilaudid shot this very day and nobody would really give a ****. I mean people would, but they would get over it fast.


Yep. So what? That belief, that your fellow man doesn't give a **** is a great example of mental masturbation. It shows a mind with too much time to waste, sitting around unoccupied with actual problems. Lack of safety? Nope. Lack of food? Nope. So let's just sit around on our a** and think up things that don't really mean anything, like whether or not a person cares about me.

It is more about controlling your negative emotions than stopping the cutting, because I think that would stop it for you. How do you do that? Let me know if you find out.


Easy. I don't waste time thinking about things that don't matter, e.g. whether I am loved or not or if life is fair.

Anyway, change your environment and life will change or stay in your current environment and life will remain the same.
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#4

Postby chronic_relapser » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:40 pm

Man, you're probably right. But picking a post of mine apart when I'm borderline makes me want to slit my wrists. Whatever you are saying, it's not helping me and I don't care if your theory is correct. This isn't theory. These are f***ed up people emotionally who are usually sensitive enough that anything sets them over the edge. So this cut is for you. I didn't come here for psychoanalysis but rather support.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:54 pm

chronic_relapser wrote:Man, you're probably right. But picking a post of mine apart when I'm borderline makes me want to slit my wrists. Whatever you are saying, it's not helping me and I don't care if your theory is correct. This isn't theory. These are f***ed up people emotionally who are usually sensitive enough that anything sets them over the edge. So this cut is for you. I didn't come here for psychoanalysis but rather support.


Yawn. One of the last things that will bother me is some stranger in an online forum trying to manipulate me. If you or anyone else cuts themselves because of advice they receive in a forum, that is on them, it is their issue not mine. Good luck always trying to manipulate and blame others for your actions. See how that works out for you.
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#6

Postby chronic_relapser » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:07 pm

I have way better non-judgemental support than this. I won't be back, this website seems retarded. You're telling me about blame when we are on a 'weed addiction' forum? It's not even a real addiction and I won't be back to this place : )
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:25 pm

chronic_relapser wrote:I have way better non-judgemental support than this. I won't be back, this website seems retarded. You're telling me about blame when we are on a 'weed addiction' forum? It's not even a real addiction and I won't be back to this place : )


Same as everything else in life, it is your choice. You choose to cut, to smoke, to stay, to leave, to try and manipulate or not. Best of luck to you.
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#8

Postby Harlow » Wed Nov 09, 2016 9:42 pm

chronic_relapser wrote:Man, you're probably right. But picking a post of mine apart when I'm borderline makes me want to slit my wrists. Whatever you are saying, it's not helping me and I don't care if your theory is correct. This isn't theory. These are f***ed up people emotionally who are usually sensitive enough that anything sets them over the edge. So this cut is for you. I didn't come here for psychoanalysis but rather support.


I JUST saw this, THANK YOU SO MUCH for understanding if it weren't for people like you I would think I were crazy.You probably wont get this due to the fact that you obviously stated you find this website retarded.Its ok,I understand.Thanks anyway honestly this made my day :)
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#9

Postby Betsy90 » Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:06 pm

I used to cut myself when i was 14, now I don't do it anymore because I had really good emotional support from my friends. Sometimes I still get the feelings and I don't know how to deal whit them. Is this ever gonna go away?
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#10

Postby dylan843 » Fri Nov 11, 2016 10:46 pm

What kind of a**hole comes on here asking for help and then talks sh** to the people trying to help them....
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#11

Postby Betsy90 » Mon Nov 14, 2016 1:32 pm

@dylan843 Who does that?
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