Lack of fulfilment

Postby Catlass79 » Mon Oct 31, 2016 9:18 pm

I feel bad writing this but I feel lost and alone. I am married with 2 children. A soon to be 18 year old and a 5 year old. I love my children dearly and this has nothing to do with them. I feel fulfilled as a mother but my life does not feel fulfilled. I feel like I am missing out on an amazing world that I want to explore. I have always wanted to go travelling and my hunger for it is getting stronger. I work full time and I hate my job but the money is good. I feel trapped some days. I dont feel like my children hold me back but the disruption it would cause them more so my youngest if we just upped and left is too much, I couldnt do that to him as its selfish but then I'm left feeling like there is something amazing out there that I'm missing. I also do not know if I want to be married anymore. I love my husband but we are so different. I think we are unintentionally holding each other back. Does anyone else feel like this?
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Nov 01, 2016 1:23 pm

We all make commitments in life, some bigger than others. With any commitment comes responsibility and sacrifice. When you are no longer willing to uphold your commitment, you end it. You no longer must sacrifice or be responsible, but this comes at a price, it comes with consequences.

What I suggest is you physically write down all of your current commitments in life. Under each, write down what it means you are responsible for and the sacrifices required. Write down consequences if you decide to end your commitment.

With all of your commitments written down, go through and make a decision for each one. Are there commitments you can modify? How? Are there commitments you are willing to end?

For instance, off the top of my head I can think of one commitment you can work to modify. You have a commitment to work. Do you have a job that allows you to work online? Is there a reason you cannot pursue such a career? The reason, is once you work online you have more freedom to travel.

Anyway, I'm not saying there is some quick fix. It sounds like you have some pretty serious commitments. Regardless, I think if you take the step to write down and formally review your commitments you should be able to cut out a few things and start redefining your life.
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Postby Catlass79 » Wed Nov 02, 2016 9:06 pm

Thankyou for your reply. I will give it a try and let you know.
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Postby JuliusFawcett » Sun Nov 06, 2016 10:17 am

What's your gut instinct telling you to do. The biggest barrier to happiness is fear.
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Postby Baby_buddha » Mon Nov 07, 2016 6:30 am

My mom had a very similar situation to you. She waited until I was 16 and my two brothers were 21 and 26 to do something about it. She said the same things as you. She didn't feel like she was fulfilled in her life. Myself and my brothers were the light of her life no doubt, but she felt like she was rotting away. My dad still calls it a "midlife crisis"

Anyway, I'll tell you my point of view as her daughter.

She ended up divorcing my father, and just picking up and moving to France. I was about to graduate. I resented her for nearly three years, I developed depression and had an extremely hard time.

I put her through hell making her feel extremely guilty for 3 years, I still don't forgive myself for that. She is an incredibly loving and wonderful mother. Couldn't imagine a better mother. She was simply unhappy.

I am 21 now and everything has adjusted. I don't blame her, I saw her suffering. I knew how unhappy she was with my dad. Now I truly feel guilty for only thinking about my happiness. We have all learned to live harmoniously now. She lives an incredible life as a writer and has an amazing French husband who I love as well. She is happier than ever.
I get to travel to Europe whenever I want. All is well.

I would encourage you to follow your heart. It's your life. Everything else will adjust. It's unhealthy to feel trapped.

But I do also want to point out that I believe we can find happiness in any situation. It sounds like you really love your kids and probably loved your husband at some point too. Happiness is within.
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Postby theedavem » Wed Nov 09, 2016 6:16 pm

I have felt unfulfilled in my life before as well! There always seems to be a fear that prevents us from finding our purpose. I have gotten into many self help books and videos and speakers and basically anything else I could find and tried to put together the best way to change and find what made me feel more fulfilled. I don't know what works best for you but I can tell you that what I did worked for me. I hope you are on your journey to find fulfillment! Stay positive! Stay strong!
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