Failed at 15 months, ready to go again

Postby Wave » Sun Dec 04, 2016 12:01 pm


Looking for some kind words. I used to be really active on here and thought I was home dry with a year in the bag but made some bad choices around start of summer and started to smoke hash again :cry: .

Lately I have cut down to one small bowl in the evening after 8pm but the effect I feel this addiction is having on my mental stability is huge. I am able to cope with stress way less, finding it much harder to motivate myself to exercise and starting to make excuses not to go out so I can get high on my own.

I am SO disappointed with myself. Checking back on here and seeing the progress and success of others while I am back to using each day is not good at all.

This has started to effect aspects of my life and combined with feeling far more stressed than I ever have, I think I need to draw a line and start again. All previous quits I have worried how much I would miss smoking but this time, I miss the feeling or being more active, more sociable and far more mentally stable in the 15 months I had clean.

I plan to set a date in the next two weeks and making this change. Going to replace with running and meditation is the plan. Anyone ever been in a similar situation to be? This will be my 5th proper quit which is pretty terrible considering three of these were longer than 3 months.
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Postby wakinglife » Sun Dec 04, 2016 5:04 pm

Hi Wave,

Thanks for being honest and vividly describing what it's like to relapse after successfully quitting for a length of time. I benefit from reading posts like yours (even though they're also heart wrenching) since they remind me that life is better without weed. So, to start with, acknowledging that you are able to quit (and that life is better without it) is essential. Beating yourself up is not going to help in any way. Just stick with the decision you have made to make a change and move forward from there.

I tried to quit about 10 times before I succeeded. It's possible that every relapse actually taught me something (although I wouldn't recommend continuing that insanity for any long period of time). I found that documenting my progress really helped-- kind of like the old adage "those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it". Posting on the forum was the main difference between my unsuccessful attempts and this time. Helping others is a great way to remind you of how far you've come.

I hope the "setting a date" plan is valid, and not just some rationale to prolong your addiction. In my humble opinion, today is a damn fine day to quit a limiting addiction: the sooner you quit, the quicker you'll get back to feeling good.

Take care of yourself, and I'll watch for your updates.

Cheering from the sidelines,

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Postby akash agarwal » Sun Dec 04, 2016 8:34 pm

You really helped me at times. I m almost 9month clean and feeling better as compare to 4 5 months.
Weed will not be same for u if u smoke will just give u depression and pain phreps. Life is much better without weed u know it. U dont need reason to smoke instead u have many reason for living a healthy life style. Forgive ur self for last time and move on with good habits. Being high isnt a life. Weed is poison for us . And we dont need it. Being normal and aware of reality is the best fun of life. Gud luck man and thanks for being here
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Postby slick_willy » Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:31 am

I agree with akash Wave... A lot of your posts have helped me through hard times and we are all human. It would be great if we could always move toward our goals from a to b and never slip up or lose ground but we all have moments of weakness or doubt, and sometimes we have to take the long route in achieving our goals. If you did it once you can ABSOLUTELY do it again and it might be much easier because you did it before, so you know what to expect and what to look out for. I know you can do it man, you did it before like a champ until that one single time which is enough to derail anybody. I tried to quit for three years, meanwhile suffering anxiety and panic attacks and a shitty watered-down version of life. We are all here for you bro and you can always change for the better once you are committed. You got this man
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Postby netty28661 » Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:52 am

Hi wave I agree with everything everyone else has said. Just pick yourself up & start again, you've already pointed out why you're better not using weed. Like wakinglife I quit many/tried to quit many times. It's been nearly 5 years now. I do occasionally wonder if I could smoke it as a one off, if I've smelt it! However I also know I can't do that!

All the best
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