boyfriends family

#15

Postby laureat » Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:51 am

sorry that i have to repeat myself because you asking the same question

i dont have a problem if she discuss with her bf
i dont have a problem if her bf takes responsibility
i have a problem with condemnation
you are condemning the most important human right, to say ouch, it hurts

her bf may try to take responsibility, but may not always be there to say ouch for her
you cannot say its his family, so you should stfu

btw, who will do the cleaning tomorrow? did her bf do something about that?
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#16

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:00 am

laureat wrote:you are condemning the most important human right, to say ouch, it hurts


Where did you come up with this conclusion? I never stated she could not say ouch, it hurts. It is to whom she says ouch and what the results will be when she does so. There is a right way to minimize the pain and a wrong way that escalates it.

You are assuming she goes to the sister, says "ouch" and all is taken care of. You continue to ignore the fact that without support of her boyfriend all of this can and usually does escalate. Then you have more than just an "ouch" needing to be handled. This is how an "ouch" turns into a family feud.

And you don't think the sister, boyfriend, and baby daddy can feel pain? You think they do not have the human right of saying "ouch, it hurts"?

There is a smart way to handle this that minimizes pain for everyone laureat, but you seem focused in on this very narrow belief that the only way to say ouch is directly to the sister and baby daddy. You ignore and will not acknowledge the importance of getting the support of the boyfriend and his role in resolving the problem.

I repeat, you absolutely fail to grasp and will not acknowledge the importance of getting the support of the boyfriend. This is critical. Why you continue to ignore this I can only guess.

btw, who will do the cleaning tomorrow? did her bf do something about that?


Where do you get this misogynistic slant to the problem? If it was her sister instead of his, then it would be her role to talk to her family. If the situation was reversed, the boyfriend would go to her and get her support, because it would be critical to resolving the problem with the least amount of pain for everyone involved.

The more I think about your responses, the more it seems like you are assuming or imparting some twisted misogynistic, feminist crap into the equation.
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#17

Postby TheCloud » Wed Dec 07, 2016 6:06 am

lilbowpeep47 wrote:Thank you everyone for the helpful advice my Boyfriend spoke to his sister and Her baby's dad is soppose to be searching for a job this week and his mother and other sister have moved in with us. So my boyfriend and I have decided that the best option for us is to move out and let them take over our payments and they all can stay here, while we get a fresh start just the two of us in a new place. Its not the ideal sittuation but at least we will soon have our privacy back and can start enjoying life again.


Get it in writing. Otherwise his family will be tempted to rely on him for apartment payments even though he is not living there. If they couldn't live on their own before, there's no reason to expect them to start now until you see positive evidence to the contrary.

That said, it is beneficial for you to set up a positive relationship with your boyfriend's family. It sounds as if they collectively have a number of personal and emotional issues. This will not be the last time they interpose between you and your boyfriend. My advice is that once you leave, look up Nonviolent Communication and apply its methods to your boyfriend's family. It will be challenging at first, but a long-term solution is needed, and it is best to get ahead of the problems that you know will be coming.

This way, you can not only gain control of your life by leaving your current apartment, but maintain control by establishing a positive relationship with your boyfriend's family, who may otherwise become a source of great difficulty. It will be especially effective if you can get your boyfriend to participate as well. It is a difficult path, but it is easier than allowing your boyfriend's family's next crisis dictate the direction your life is going to take.

https://www.cnvc.org/
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#18

Postby Brigici13 » Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:45 pm

I lived with my bf. His sister,her husband and their 16yo daughter moved in with us. They don't like any job I find them,they're driving our cars,always breaking something-never fixing. The girl claims to have her own room but of course me and my bg to pay. What i did?!
Talked to my bf because If I start telling them what is on my heart,they're not going to listen to me,of course. So I told my SO what's wrong,he said I'm right,talked to them but still,everything is the same. Then again,he talked to them,gave an ultimatum(of course said nicely not rude) and now they're looking for jobs...but hey,we need to give them money to take the bus. I'm a nice person,I wouldn't have anything against it,but they never say "hello","thank you" or anything,...
Just expect everything. Last Time I went to clean one of my cars and put gas in it cause they drove back and forth never refuel nor clean,so I left took both of my keys and then they started whining to my bf "she didn t left one of the keys home,she likes seeing us in the house all the time". Good luck! Move out ASAP! Otherwise it'll cost your relationship
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