Counsellor diagnosing husband

Postby Jorainbow » Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:28 am

Im attending counselling sessions (2 so far) following husband infidelity. Yesterday i ended up being not only confused but very angered by the counsellor rattling off a list of the traits of a psychopath and announcing my husband is one. I ended up arguing back - he lacks self confidence, is not glib and full of himself, does not put himself on a pedastel and expect me or others to 'worship at his feet', he did not start nurse training as he wants to be adored. No matter what our issues i did disagree and stand up for him. Should a counsellor do this?
Jorainbow
Junior Member
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Dec 08, 2016 5:35 am

Has the counselor ever met your husband?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10029
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1010

#2

Postby Jorainbow » Thu Dec 08, 2016 5:44 am

Hi no she hasnt
Jorainbow
Junior Member
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1

#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Dec 08, 2016 6:16 am

If the counselor was actually trying to claim a diagnosis that your husband is a psychopath having never met your husband and only getting information over 2 sessions from you, it is best you find a new counselor.

What other reasons, besides a diagnosis, might the counselor have for making such claim?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10029
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1010

#4

Postby Jorainbow » Thu Dec 08, 2016 8:03 am

Thats what i thought i have no idea why and it concerned me greatly
Jorainbow
Junior Member
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1

#5

Postby Roady » Thu Dec 08, 2016 12:19 pm

There is no law that tells you, you should believe what a counselor (or doctor or whatever helping hand) is telling you.

Your anger may be telling you about the treatment of your counselor, but it may also be a sign that he is telling you things, you are ignoring right now, because you don't want to know the truth about your partner.
Or it may be the problem that you both have a different view on the term "psychopath"

If you have real doubts about your helping hand, just say good bye and find another one.
Roady
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 452
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:21 pm
Likes Received: 28

#6

Postby Jorainbow » Fri Dec 09, 2016 10:29 am

Thanks Roady i was saying it from a professional point of view not because i believe it. I am looking elsewhere with recommendations. Of course im angry at my husband but im an intelligent woman and can see that he isnt a full blown psycopath which the counsellor was saying.
Jorainbow
Junior Member
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1

#7

Postby Roady » Sat Dec 10, 2016 11:18 am

Jorainbow wrote:Thanks Roady i was saying it from a professional point of view not because i believe it. I am looking elsewhere with recommendations. Of course im angry at my husband but im an intelligent woman and can see that he isnt a full blown psycopath which the counsellor was saying.


We can of course start a discussion about the word "professional".
You are visiting a "professional" counselor, but what does that mean to you?
That you can fully trust him on every word he is saying?

I once met a "professional" counselor who was try to let me believe things about myself, just because he didn't know anything about my problem. But he was too proud to tell me the truth: "Sorry but I can't help you. I didn't have the knowledge to help you". So after all, this man wasn't pleased to help others, he only was pleased to earn some money.
Now I don't give 1 penny for his opinion. I have learned that I have to think for myself where-ever I be and no matter who is helping me (doctor, counselor, pastor, dentist, notary or whatever service is granted to me).

What actually is the reason that you go to a counselor for your husband?
Why isn't she going herself?
Roady
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 452
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:21 pm
Likes Received: 28

#8

Postby Jorainbow » Sat Dec 10, 2016 4:39 pm

Surely I should trust they know what they are talking about and are bound by codes of practice and ethics? I didnt agree hence saying my piece. Im going for me not for my husband - Ive had a lot of emotional crap and needed some help making sense of it
Jorainbow
Junior Member
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1

#9

Postby Helen Joy » Sun Jan 01, 2017 8:47 pm

Sometimes during counselling we need to present trains of thoughts or suggestions that clients don't want to hear, though that doesn;t sound like this is what is happening here.
It doesn't seem appropriate for a therapist to make judgements on a partner that isnt present or part of the counselling process and as you say you attended for your own benefit - and quite rightly so.

I wouldn't dream of acting in this manner and I certainly wouldn't find a therapeutic process like this comfortable.......if this is the case do find yourself someone better. You deserve the best care - just as if you had a fractured leg needing a cast........ Does this help?
Helen Joy
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2016 12:18 pm
Likes Received: 0

#10

Postby Jorainbow » Sun Jan 01, 2017 8:53 pm

Thank you Helen yes it does. I spoke to the practice manager who told me the therapist had had an incident in the morning and was quite stressed and she felt they were projecting this? I said perhaps the sessions should have been cancelled. She was very apologetic and has offered a new counsellor.
Jorainbow
Junior Member
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1

#11

Postby Helen Joy » Sun Jan 01, 2017 9:01 pm

This is why therapists have something called "supervision" it's not someone watching as the name might suggest but simply a more experienced therapist to offload to (to avoid this kind of thing) and who you talk to about your cases......in your situation the therapist should probably have cancelled your appointment or spoken to someone before seeing you.
I think its down to you how comfortable you feel with this therapist, especially now you know what they really think of your partner and if you feel that you can trust them to be truly "there with you".
That said I'm a hypnotherapist now and I have to tell you that we are all human, people always think we always have our sh1t together and are suprised to learn we have meltdowns, tantrums and difficulties in our own lives! Perhaps knowing this more "human" side to them helps you build rapport....the ball is in your court!
Helen Joy
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2016 12:18 pm
Likes Received: 0



Return to Practitioners' Lounge