Day 4 of quitting Marijuana after 5 years! Help!

Postby RikkiW » Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:48 am

Hey guys!

I´ve been on this forum for only about 4 days....4 days ago i decided to quit marijuana for good! I basically feel like sh** since i stopped. I´ve read through the well known Biggiesize posts and i´m confident that i will get there to where he is now -> Feeling NORMAL again!
The reason i quit the drug was because of last year in summer i got my first panic-attack and since then they have occured more recently. Sometimes in the morning and sometimes at night when i layed down to sleep. My heart would start pounding and i would have really really negative thoughts about suicide, worrying about my family and their health (even though everything is totally fine!). As of last week i went up to my parents and basically told them what was going on with me and was brutally honest about how i was doing and that the drug (marijuana) had taken over my life and started to make me feel anxious 24/7 with panic attacks here and there. I basically had a really hard time functioning normally and even flashing a smile.. It all felt so forced and fake.

However, 4 days ago (9th December) i was at our summer house with my dad and quit there. Everyone is very very supportive of me and my upcoming journey to recovery.
As said before, i read all the Biggiesize posts and i am very confident i will get to where he is now! I only can get better is what i have read on this forum.
Sorry, if what i´m writing is a bit scattered in places but i´m not the best "writer" (?) 

If anyone is asking, why did i start smoking weed in the first place? Well, i had some sleeping problems before i smoked weed so i started to smoke it, since i noticed great help and knew i didn´t want to start taking sleeping medication or any of that chemical crap.

Now, i´m 4 days in without marijuana. I´m hanging out with my family every day when i get home from work, watch movies, cook dinner, talk, play with my little sister (1,5 years old). That does help talking to them. But, i sometimes feel very lonely in my apartment (i live by myself), but sometimes not. It just varies from day to day. Last night i didn´t really sleep well, had strong sweating, woke up often etc. The night before that i slept pretty well, but i had very very vivid dreams that felt so real...

Tomorrow i have an appointment with a psychiatrist my doctor recommended to me. Let´s see how that goes tomorrow.

I considered starting to work out again and go to my gym (i´ve been in martial arts for 2 years and weight lifting a bit for strength, playing guitar and working on my music etc. I am a very lean guy, 6ft3inches. But, i have kind of lost the interest in all those things pretty much since i quit and a couple weeks before quitting. I just hope that this feeling of enjoyment and motivation will come back soon...very soon.

My job is working at a high school with kids. And it is very struggling for me to go to work and let no one know what i am going through. Good thing is, i can tighten myself up when needed so i guess i am mentally tough enough.

As of right now in this moment i just feel like crying. My vision is also un-focused and i feel dazed and lack of energy. Yesterday i was pretty motivated, today is a different story. Anyhow....... I AM GOING TO PULL THROUGH THIS LIKE A DESTROYER CRUSHING THROUGH THICK ICE!!!!! F*CK THE MARIJUANA AND TO HELL WITH THE PANIC ATTACKS!!!!!

I am just a bit insecure about the process of quitting and the symptoms that come with it. Plus, i am a bit worried that maybe the panic attacks and anxiety will come back. But, i guess they will not (?) since i only had them when i was high on marijuana. Maybe you guys can share your experience and tell me if i don´t have to worry that much about it.

From reading a lot of things on this forum i very confident about myself and know it was the very best decision to stop smoking this terrible drug! I just want to be over the mountain as quick as possible...even though i am aware that it will take some time...a lot of time to feel normal again and enjoy the things i started to lose interest in while smoking weed.

I can´t wait to see a first reply on my very first post here! I thank all of you guys in advance for helpful replies on my post to come! )

Staying strong here!

The only easy day was yesterday! (NAVY SEAL philosophy)
RikkiW
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#1

Postby SuzieO » Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:06 am

Congratulations! 4 days is a great start. Wishing you the absolute best with your journey. Everyday that you are free from your addiction celebrate it because you deserve it!
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#2

Postby RikkiW » Thu Dec 15, 2016 3:09 pm

Hey! Thanks for your kind words! Quitting the marijuana actually isn't as bad as i thought it would be. I'm doing well in that department. What's killing me is the depression i have. I can't seem to have fun in the things i used to love and do, which is sports, music, video games etc. I just can't get myself to enjoy any of that as much as i did naturally a couple of weeks ago. I am seeing a psychiatrist now once a week and i'm thinking about asking him to put me on an anti depressant. This feeling just can't go on like this. Plus, i'm having very real dreams with people (especially girls i let go in the past) i know/knew and i wake up thinking about that dream or the dreams i had all day...and it makes me feel sad and i feel bad for myself that the things happened the way they happened in the past.
Have a good day guys!
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#3

Postby SuzieO » Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:17 am

Good luck with your journey. While I know what you are going through is not easy, you seem to be going about it the right way. Seeking help and working with people who understand what you are going through is so important in the recovery. Take one day at a time and focus on your strengths and with the help you are getting I am sure you will start to feel better soon.
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#4

Postby HikerOfTheSoul » Sat Dec 17, 2016 6:42 pm

Hi RikkiW,
congratulations on starting your journey!
I'm now on medication and they make things easier, just be very open with your doctor and tell him everything - even if you have concerns about specific medicines or whatever.
It's important to find someone you can trust with experience in the field of mental health. You will move forward.

Best of luck and I hope to hear some good news from you soon!
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#5

Postby KeepGoingStrong87 » Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:50 am

Congratulations! You've made a good decision to quit!

Depression was really troubling to me when I quit too, which was 27 days ago. I'd never felt so down before. I didn't want to go on living. I couldn't eat, my heart was pounding and I was sweating a lot. My stomach was constantly upset. It seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like it was impossible for me to enjoy anything, and had little hope that I ever would again. I felt such intense anxiety that I wouldn't leave my house, and I was very irritable.

I started doing some of the things that I'd enjoyed before, like exercising and spending time with friends and family. This was very difficult at first, but I realized that doing these things would help get my mind off how down I felt. When I was alone, I still felt really down, but as time went on, my depression and anxiety became less intense. The difference feels like night and day. I still have times when I feel down or anxious, but I just have to remind myself that the feelings will pass. When I think back about how miserable I felt, I am so glad about the progress I've made. Progress may seem slow or nonexistent at times, but it is always happening.

I hope you're starting to feel better. Keep up the great work!
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#6

Postby RikkiW » Sun Dec 25, 2016 7:27 pm

Hey Guys! Thanks for the kind words and all. It´s been some time since i was online here, for one reason...it kind of felt depressing going on here every time, no disrespect! The thing is, i am doing really fine! As if i never had an addiction. My depressions are gone, as if they just went "poof", like a bubble. Guys, i am really enjoying life and i am feeling really good! Can´t believe it´s only been 16 days clean and every day for a week now has been pure gold! I am enjoying every little bit and i am having fun in the things i missed doing! Keep it up guys...about a week ago i thought i would never ever feel great at all again, ever. And now, look! Without the help of ANY medication! All i take for sleeping and making sure i get real tired, just because i plainly want to be sure, is natural stuff like teas that make you feel tired and natural plant tablets from the pharmacy that make you feel tired (baldrian, hopps, etc). Keep it going fellas! It only gets better from here :) Over and out!
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#7

Postby fairhair » Sat Jan 07, 2017 6:20 pm

I am new to this forum, and myself am on day 5 of withdrawal. Background: in my 60's, an 'orginal hippie' from the 60's, smoked away my teens and twenties, quit cold turkey for university way back when and it was easy. Retired early and treated myself to smoking dope again since I 'deserved it' after 4 decades of hard and successful work. Smoked high potency (legal) weed for 18 months. I assured myself that I could quit anytime. Wrong. I quit about 100 hours ago, and This Time is sweats, upset stomach, fatigue, and also most of the psychological problems that others have reported. What flagged me to post is the reference to antidepressant use to get out of the psychological tight spot we've placed ourselves in. It is so easy to get an Rx for them, but have you noticed that no one talks about withdrawal from antidepressants? I used escitalopram for a couple of years a while back and the withdrawal from that was not as physically difficult as weed, the psychological effects of withdrawal were exceedingly worse than weed, even though I tapered off the escitalopram over a month long period. Beware of trading one monkey on your back for another.
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#8

Postby RikkiW » Sun Jan 08, 2017 12:10 am

Just hang in there. If you really want to quit then it´s not as difficult..trust me. Quit a month ago, after 5 years, and i´m feeling just fine! It´s more a mental thing and i guess i´m pretty tough and above average mentally. **** anti depressants and all that. That´s just another drug you´re starting. It´s important to have support from your loved ones and if you don´t have a hobby, do something about that. I for instance go out on long hikes, into nature, going to the gym to lift weights and do martial arts sparring, and eating healthy food...a lot of it. Stay positive!
As of this post here, this is my last one. I hope you all feel better and don´t have to struggle!
Keep it up! Cheers :)
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#9

Postby HikerOfTheSoul » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:51 pm

Fairhair you are absolutely right in saying that ADs carry a risk of developing a discontinuation syndrome (withdrawal).
I just want to point out that not all people get it, and a slow taper is absolutely necessary. One month is too little, depending on dose and how much time you are on an AD, you may need up to two years of tapering.
I just say that because someone may be desperate and reading these posts now - I know I was, and all the horror stories about medications just made it worse.
I know some people may not agree with me and think that I'm still an addict, just addicted to a different drug. But if this "addiction" (which is not a real addiction but more like a phisical dependence) makes me functional and happy, and helps me in getting my life straight, I'm all for it.

So if you are reading this and thinking that there is no way out - it's NOT true. Work hard on yourself, get the help you need, and give back everything that life has given you: I think this is the true path to happiness.
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#10

Postby Analelia » Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:59 pm

I keep thinking I just have to keep changing my routine. Don't sit in back all day where I smoked pot. Stay centrally located to the people and pets in your home and I try hard to remember I am a better person for not smoking
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