New Year, New Beginning: My Quit Journal

#45

Postby HungryGhost99 » Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:53 pm

Day 23

I made it past 3 weeks now. In one week, it will be a month off...

Occasionally, I have thoughts of using and find myself considering the pleasures of it. Then I remember my long term goals and the pain associated with the many years of its use and I lose the desire. It is a recurring struggle but I am confident that with every day of abstinence, my brain is healing and re-wiring itself. Keeping busy is important and I have been trying to do that with school, activities, reading and meditating.
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#46

Postby HungryGhost99 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 6:25 am

Day 29

Hi folks,

Almost at a month. Feeling great about this and like I can keep continuing with the sober life. Have had some ups and downs and I know I'm not in the clear by any means... but feel really good today.

A few nights ago I had a bit of a break-through.. hope I can recall this when times are tough again:
Had an urge to go out and buy some weed because I know it will be enjoyable (at first).. then I stood up, thought about it... then realized that it was only a thought... All my readings and meditation have taught me to stand outside my mind and reflect on the passing thoughts and emotions. I was able to see my urge to get high as nothing but a fleeting, temporary thought-idea in my head, nothing more. I gained some space between my thoughts and then realized that I didn't need to get high at all.

Now if I can just use this technique every time I get an urge. :idea:
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#47

Postby cleanofgreen » Sat Feb 04, 2017 7:34 pm

HungryGhost99 wrote:Day 29
All my readings and meditation have taught me to stand outside my mind and reflect on the passing thoughts and emotions

I know what you mean, once you start meditation and have to learn to let your thoughts pass by and realize that they are just thoughts, it has a very positive impact on your life when you'r not meditating. You start to notice that you remain much calmer in certain situations which would have wound you up previously. At first you catch yourself after the fact, then you start catching yourself in the moment of negative thinking more and more and this is the key.

Congrats on 29 days
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#48

Postby Wave » Sun Feb 05, 2017 10:56 am

Almost a month!! Well done!! Yea very powerful that you were to stop yourself and I think that actually after the first 5 mins high you were just feel confused and lazy (well that's how it makes me feel)
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#49

Postby HungryGhost99 » Tue Feb 07, 2017 12:24 am

Day 1

Had a lapse yesterday on day 30.
After all I had done right leading up to it, it all went by the wayside and I decided to smoke.
I tried to be mindful but it didn't work this time.
Instead of continuing my day count at 31, I'm starting over.
Something must not have been right in my approach or I wouldn't be here.
I meditated every day, had a supportive environment, and read self help... But it all couldn't override my impulse.
Maybe I'm still a little isolated.
Sad and regretful but here we go again.

Thanks for the comments, cleanofgreen and Wave.
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#50

Postby cleanofgreen » Tue Feb 07, 2017 10:27 am

29 days without is still a great accomplishment.
I remember when I wouldn't even last a day. As you said in one of your posts " I was able to see my urge to get high as nothing but a fleeting, temporary thought-idea in my head, nothing more." it takes a lot of work to get to that stage and as you continue with the process you get better and better at it.
Don't be too hard on your self, just get back up on the horse. You will know the trigger and urge this time round so it will be easier to resist.
You'll make it this time.
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#51

Postby HungryGhost99 » Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:43 pm

Thanks for the supportive words, cleanofgreen. You're right, I am getting better and better at it thanks to meditation.

Day 4

I'm reflecting on my lapse and trying to figure out why it happened. There was this psychological pressure to smoke. It always happens after a semi-long stretch of abstinence. It was like a desperation and fear that I'll never get to get high again. Also the fact that I said to myself "I'm not really addicted to weed after all." I think I am though, because there's always this obsession with thinking or not thinking about it when I'm not using. This preoccupation is what makes it an addiction for me.

I have my life set up, and a whole new lifestyle. I became an official member of Toastmasters two nights ago. I increased my meditation time to 30 minutes from 20 in the evening (Interestingly, I missed a night of meditation on the day I smoked). I've lost over 25 pounds since the summertime. School is going great too. On my two days off, I'm working part-time. So, I really have a lot of reasons to not smoke and a full schedule which keeps me busy and my mind off of it.

I will remain mindful and start building up my recovery time again. :D
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#52

Postby HungryGhost99 » Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:55 am

1 Week

Feeling good about being back at 1 week. Meditating everyday. Found a great video on the benefits of meditation. Check it out here:

https://youtu.be/gvJLmVYVvVM

It comes from a great channel on youtube called Improvement Pill... a lot of great videos for bettering yourself including this one on addiction:

https://youtu.be/KKEyggTTis8

I love the idea of neuroplasticity and re-wiring of the brain.

Saw Moonlight last night... Great film.. I highly recommend it.

Looking forward to a busy week and CANI (Constant and Never-Ending Improvement)!

Take care. :)
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#53

Postby cleanofgreen » Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:37 am

Great the hear your off it again and have changed your life for the better.
Live life to the full.
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#54

Postby HungryGhost99 » Wed Feb 22, 2017 8:31 pm

1 Week

Hi folks,

It's been a couple weeks since I posted. I had a lapse and wanted to get to a week before I recorded my progress. Although I never have had a full-blown relapse in a long time, lapses are discouraging. At the same time, I feel that I learn something about myself every time I lapse and gives me more resolve to stay abstinent long-term.

I have been meditating every evening for about two months for half and hour and feel that I have been improving in my concentration and ability to follow my breath for longer and longer periods of time. I have also regularly been attending Toastmasters and am now an official member. Toastmasters is an international organization to help people improve confidence in public-speaking and leadership. Having more and more responsibilities is daunting, somewhat stressful but it is helping in my personal growth and keeping my mind off weed.

In a few weeks I have a big presentation in my course at University. I am somewhat nervous as it is getting closer but I know that if I prepare myself, I have nothing to worry about. I actually volunteered to be leader of my presentation group. This is something I would never have dared 2 or 3 years ago.

The first week is usually pretty easy for me. Staying abstinent in the long term is what I have to work on.

Take care.
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#55

Postby HungryGhost99 » Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:21 pm

Hello,

I am currently at 9 days of recovery. I have lapsed over and over and over again over the course of my recovery from weed addiction.

Lately, after every time I've failed, I've tried establishing a new strategy into recovery that might help. I've been meditating and exercising a lot but that didn't keep me completely abstinent.

9 days ago, I went to a 12-step meeting, and I haven't missed one in the past 9 days. Whether AA or NA, I find these group very supportive and helpful in my recovery so far. Cravings, which have always been a problem for me, are almost non-existent in the past 9 days.

Now, I know its still very early in my recovery, but I think I've found something that is very useful and helpful and I recommend it to anyone who is trying to stay abstinent and failing. Even though I'm not an alcoholic or hard-drug addict, you can still attend "open" AA meetings or NA meetings and find support. You talk to other people and hear stories of drug and alcohol addicts and it really helps. Plus, it keeps you accountable to others and more dedicated to staying clean.

Many people think that you have to believe in God to attend 12-step meetings. This isn't true. They just say you should find a higher power of "your understanding". This can be a God, some form of spirituality, the group itself, or any power you see as greater than yourself.

I don't have a sponsor yet, but I have been meeting people and hearing inspiring stories of recovery. Sometimes you hear something that really resonates with your own story. You don't have to share but you can if you want to, and you don't have to share what your drug of choice is. Every city has these 12-step meetings and you can usually find them online.

All I know is, my attempts at abstinence on my own weren't working. I was isolated and sad. 12 step meetings connect you with like-minded people who are trying to recover regardless of the substance. I couldn't do it alone, and I believe I have found the answer.

Thanks for reading. I will post again soon.

:D
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#56

Postby Soberchic » Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:38 am

Good to here you hungryghost, im in AA. I got clean from everything except weed 5 yrs ago but i just got clean from weed 7mo ago and changed my date. I thought it was gonna be a piece of cake because of my past experience with alcohol and hard drugs but it wasnt what i thought. Although weed wasnt as physically debilitating as other substances it was still really hard and i had to talk about it..so i changed my date. Hardest thing i had too do..meetings will help keep you sober. Keep on keepin on
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#57

Postby HungryGhost99 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 7:36 pm

Day 30

I'm at a month today of recovery from weed... I've been attending 12-step meetings regularly and they have made all the difference. They really have helped me. I attend both NA and AA meetings. There's something about being in a room with other people who want to stay in recovery that makes it easier to stay clean. You get a certain "vibe" that carries over into your days and nights.

Yesterday I was in a situation (being alone for a long period of time) where I normally would have had a strong desire to smoke and probably would have, but I felt very calm and contained and was able to ride it out.

Also, meditation has helped me. I found a great meditation method at Actualized.org called the "Do-Nothing Technique". Its an easy way to meditate and highly effective.

I start a new job on Monday and would normally feel stressed, but I'm actually looking forward to the new opportunity.

I wish you all an excellent weekend.

Take care. :D
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