I'm different

Postby Nocturnaloverthinker » Mon Jan 30, 2017 7:24 am

I don't know where to start besides that I feel different from every one else.

I graduated high school at 16 and began community college courses and that's when I noticed I had anxiety.

I'm now 26 years old have in the last couple of years acknowledged that I have low self esteem while setting high standards for myself.

I feel crazy and at times I get so worked up I'm sure people think I'm mentally challenged or "stupid".

I feel so broken at this moment I honestly felt that I could copy this message to every forum. I feel that my anxiety, stress and low confidence fuels me becoming depressed and binge eating.

I've been seeing someone about my anxiety but I'm not sure if I look like what they are used to.

My job requires me to be at my best and I know that I am not. I honestly feel like a broken child on the inside of a grown woman
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#1

Postby federico91 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:41 am

Maybe you need to take some time for yourself, to find yourself, to rest, to do something that you liked to do when you were a little girl, without leaving aside the responsibilities and obligations, the truth that you grew very fast, you graduated at 16 Years and that was a very fast growth, at that age to start a university career is also something incredible, usually a boy or girl of that age is still thinking games, sports, night out, couple

I think you need love, someone to hold you, protect you, love you, value you, tell you how strong and how much you've grown, and have moments together with someone to share in calm, watch a movie, go out for a walk , Prepare a romantic dinner together for the two of you, go out for a walk to the park, feed the pigeons, simple things

I really think that, you have to find a partner, a man if you like men or a woman if you like women, A person when he has the support of his partner finds much more motivation than being alone, Human beings are social beings that we have survived throughout history thanks to our ability to socialize, coordinate group activities

It is scientifically proven that love, hugging, kissing, intimacy as a couple, decreases stress, anxiety, depression. If that is not possible, friendship is also very valuable, sharing moments with a friend, talking about feelings, things lived, is a great source of well-being in the same way as laughing, generates many endorphins, which produce a sensation Of well-being and Strengthens the immune system
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#2

Postby cynthialeighton » Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:42 pm

Nocturnaloverthinker wrote: at times I get so worked up


Different advice here! Make time for you to take care of you. Nurture yourself. Your relationship with you can be improved. Then when you meet someone you might want a relationship with (today, tomorrow or whenever!) you'll be able to care for yourself as you learn to be in relationship with another.

You matter.
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#3

Postby proudconfidentman » Mon Jan 30, 2017 9:27 pm

I think you need some time to find out who you really are. Try to find out what you love to do in life and find people who can help build you up.
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#4

Postby Nocturnaloverthinker » Mon Feb 06, 2017 7:50 am

Thank you for the advice. I have been raking more time for myself and telling my partner what I need.

I do need to figure out who I am, because I'm not living the life I need to or deserve. On the outside my partner and I probably look like we are a young, hard-working couple enjoying life.

I know I have work to do and I sincerely thank you all for providing advice in a time like this for me.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:17 pm

Nocturnaloverthinker wrote:I do need to figure out who I am, because I'm not living the life I need to or deserve.


Bull!

This is the biggest bunch of crap that many people tell themselves and it ruins them. The above is a personal belief that leads to a life of never being satisfied, always searching for the next thing you need or deserve, periodically convincing yourself that you have quote "found yourself" until the next major event in life makes you question who you are. It is a never ending cycle caused by what? By an ignorant belief you hold.

I repeat, the above is an ignorant belief. Read what you wrote and tell me why you believe in the above? You need, you deserve, you need to figure out who you are? You don't see this as utter hogwash?

Note, it is important to point out I'm not calling you ignorant. I'm saying the belief is ignorant and highly unproductive. No worries, we all hold ignorant beliefs, tons of them as a matter of fact. The difference is that some ignorant beliefs are functional while others can do a lot of harm.

If you want to put yourself on a healthy path, start by acknowledging your belief is unhealthy. From there, start setting short term goals. You can easily write down who you are today. You can write down your job, your weight, your salary, your relationships, your values, etc. You can write down a list that states who you are and who you are not.

Then write down who you want to be 3 months from now. You can accomplish a lot in 3 months. Set specific goals to work towards those changes you want over the next few months.

After 3 months, write a list once again of who you are. Then compare that list against your previous list. Notice any changes? You don't "find" yourself...you make yourself through effort 3 months at a time, one goal at a time, one day at a time. You make what you deserve, you reap what you sow.

And guess what? During that 3 months life will happen. You will discover an opportunity or maybe a new challenge will present itself. Maybe a family member announces they are expecting a child. Now you add to the list, "I am an aunt." That is who you are. You didn't "find" yourself. Maybe you get fired and you write, "I am unemployed."

Anyway, the root of your issue is this unhealthy belief you hold that you need to find yourself and that you are not living the life you deserve. You are who you are currently and you don't deserve anything. You make it happen, one day at a time.
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#6

Postby proudconfidentman » Thu Feb 09, 2017 5:48 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Nocturnaloverthinker wrote:I do need to figure out who I am, because I'm not living the life I need to or deserve.


Bull!

This is the biggest bunch of crap that many people tell themselves and it ruins them. The above is a personal belief that leads to a life of never being satisfied, always searching for the next thing you need or deserve, periodically convincing yourself that you have quote "found yourself" until the next major event in life makes you question who you are. It is a never ending cycle caused by what? By an ignorant belief you hold.

I repeat, the above is an ignorant belief. Read what you wrote and tell me why you believe in the above? You need, you deserve, you need to figure out who you are? You don't see this as utter hogwash?

Note, it is important to point out I'm not calling you ignorant. I'm saying the belief is ignorant and highly unproductive. No worries, we all hold ignorant beliefs, tons of them as a matter of fact. The difference is that some ignorant beliefs are functional while others can do a lot of harm.

If you want to put yourself on a healthy path, start by acknowledging your belief is unhealthy. From there, start setting short term goals. You can easily write down who you are today. You can write down your job, your weight, your salary, your relationships, your values, etc. You can write down a list that states who you are and who you are not.

Then write down who you want to be 3 months from now. You can accomplish a lot in 3 months. Set specific goals to work towards those changes you want over the next few months.

After 3 months, write a list once again of who you are. Then compare that list against your previous list. Notice any changes? You don't "find" yourself...you make yourself through effort 3 months at a time, one goal at a time, one day at a time. You make what you deserve, you reap what you sow.

And guess what? During that 3 months life will happen. You will discover an opportunity or maybe a new challenge will present itself. Maybe a family member announces they are expecting a child. Now you add to the list, "I am an aunt." That is who you are. You didn't "find" yourself. Maybe you get fired and you write, "I am unemployed."

Anyway, the root of your issue is this unhealthy belief you hold that you need to find yourself and that you are not living the life you deserve. You are who you are currently and you don't deserve anything. You make it happen, one day at a time.


Although I agree with you on the fact that it is a limiting belief it isn't that simple.

We are never done with growing as a person and we should always look for ways to find out who we truly are. I think you should be proud on who you are right now but still keep finding out who you are.

I agree on the fact that you must already think that you're good enough though.
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#7

Postby Sal » Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:33 am

Can relate to this.
This is something that you need to fix as quickly as possible because it can last as long as you live. Focus on what you are good at, because there is instant validation there. It is true that most of us are good at our jobs but that isn't a bad thing. Celebrate it.
Start saying 'no' more. Be selfish every now and then. Focus on the people who care about you and let them in. Every single person on this planet has something about them that is valuable. You sound like you're on the verge of discovering it.
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#8

Postby EmotionalEngineer » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:05 pm

I can relate to you. I don't think that there is a quick fix for this type of emotional struggle. I've been through and am still going through some similar experiences. I struggled for years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. In the past year I discovered the very interesting topic of emotional intelligence. This led me to study childhood emotional neglect (CEN).

It was very difficult at first because I have always blamed myself for the emotional problems that I have. What I discovered was that most of the issues I struggle with are the result of not being taught how to deal with basic emotional situations. My case is a bit extreme because I was emotionally and physically abused as a child.

The point is that I'm understanding more about why I have the problems and how to move forward to improve my emotional health. I don't think that I'm broken. I realize that I have a very low emotional intelligence level. I blame my mother for this. I don't dwell on that. I use it to reiterate the fact to myself that it's not my fault and I'm not broken.

Childhood emotional neglect doesn't only mean what you're parents did or said to you. In most cases, it's what your parents didn't do.

I would recommend a book called "Running on Empty" by Dr Jonice Webb. This could be a swing and a miss, but it's worth a shot.
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