2 Month of hell PAWS?

Postby Tomoli » Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:35 am

Hey guys,

first of all i want to thank every one of you, if it wasnt for this forum,, i probably would have freaked out already. (i still do sometimes) So, english is not my first language, but there simply doesnt exist anything “ weed withdrawal“ related on the internet in my language. Well, not PAWS related. “You'll be fine after 2 weeks“ wow. lol. So, i started smoking pot when i was 16 and stopped due to a horror trip. (was scared to death about a situation that happened a few days before), so no irrational fears or voices etc. Anyway, after 2 weeks i started to feel nervous and a little paranoid, because i did not even know that weed withdrawal exists. I had the typical symptoms like nightmares, sweats, headaches and so on. Then one night i smoked a cigarette on the balcony and had the thought of jumping out of nowhere, it was not a voice, just a thought for a very short moment. It freaked the sh** out of me. This thought did follow me for about 2 weeks and i lived in hell the wholeman time. i was constantly and i mean literally all the time thinking about “what the **** is wrong with me to even think about that?“ this thought changed after a while and it was death itself which scared me over and over. Between that i had every possible illnes, because i started googling.. it made it worse, i know, but i needed to know what was going on. i was a happy dude before and cant think of anxiety or depression problems in my life before or while consuming. in the last few months, beside the withdrawal, a lot of sh** happened, so this might also fuel my situation. But still, here i am at 2 month without weed and alcohol and i feel like my life is over for some reason. I can't enjoy anything, feel anxious, depressed and totally lost. I guess, i am writing this for myself, but if anyone could tell me that he also had these unstoppable negative thoughts it would help me to know that i am not suicidal or something. Those thoughts still occur every now and then.. i am seeing a therapist and do a lot of stuff during the day to keep me busy, but it kinda feels like life is taking place somewhere far away..

Thanks to all of you and your stories, you guys are life savers!
and sorry for my english skills :I
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#1

Postby Deepcallstodeep777 » Sun Feb 12, 2017 2:19 am

I stopped weed nov 2016. It's been pure hell, I totally understand what your going through.
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#2

Postby Tomoli » Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:26 am

Just updating, because my racing thoughts won't let me sleep and i just want to write down how i feel. I can't really tell what's upsetting me right now. It feels like time is running and i can't do anything about it. It scares me somehow. It's probably related to my fear of death. i feel like missing life right now and it's impossible to live and enjoy the moment. Anyway today was a actually a good day, working my donkey of and even enjoying most of it. But then it scared me that the day was over that fast and that it's already 2 month of negativity. A feel of wasting time, wasting life makes me really feel miserable. Mybest friend is psychotic since he took some kind of pill (i dont know what exactly). Did not hear from him for 3 month, because he doesnt want any contact. He gets professional treatment tho. Sometimes i think I could develop something similar, because of the panic attack, that made me quit. i'm just questioning everything that's going on right now and wonder i how i got to that point. Everything is so freaking different and scary. Maybe someone is reading this and can spare some encouraging words, i totally can need them. Gladly cravings are no problem at all, cause of the panic attack. Never want to feel like that ever again.
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#3

Postby Blazedout420 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 9:48 am

Hey man, you sound exactly like me, I was like that for around 6 months before I started to notice improvements. I know the words I'm typing to you now won't make much difference because your mind will not let you stop obsessing about what's wrong. You already know the answer but your symptoms mainly anxiety keeps you constantly on high alert so any odd thoughts you may have get louder and you become scared of them, this fear then raises your already high anxiety levels higher and youre constantly trying to convince yourself that something worse is wrong going from one obsession to the next. You just have to try and accept that your brain is in a state of shock right now and let it do what it wants to do without trying to pay to much attention to it. I understand this is hard but once you overcome that you will start to notice the anxiety becoming less. You're not psychotic and you're not going to become psychotic. somebody who is psychotic wouldn't be aware that there is something wrong like you are, they would just believe it was reality. For example they might think they are Jesus and are protecting everybody from a devil that only they can see or something strange like that. You on the other hand are overly aware of any thought, feeling, action or symptom and then obsess over what it could be because you are aware something doesn't feel right. This is anxiety and more than likely DPDR caused by the intensity of it. The obsessions and weird feelings towards time and existential thoughts are extremely common with dpdr. Give it time, it will pass. Hope that helps.
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#4

Postby Tomoli » Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:27 pm

Thank you so much Blazedout420,

it's a big help to be reminded that it's just anxiety from PAWS. The biggest problem is to accept the situation, i guess. Sometimes i still can't believe that quitting cannabis is the cause for all that. Anxiety is absolutly the worst symptom for me, that's right. and it feels like my mind is constantly looking for something new to be afraid of. I really hope it will pass and that i stop thinking about wasting time, death and all that negative crap. It did get a lot better, but it's so hard to see the positive changes and when these thoughts come back,I'm 100% in the feeling of desperation again. Now for a mich shorter time, but with same intensity as in the first month.

Anyways, thank you again !
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#5

Postby Antmorales16 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:35 pm

Tomoili I agree with you man so much. I have some fear that I have bipolar illness because my mom has it, I'm 2 months and 13 days into my quit and I thought this morning I was gonna have a good day but then my anxiety got the best of me. I keep obsessing over what mental illness I have and such forth. I really PRAY that this is paws and that I get better... theres sometimes I'm totally convinced its paws.. but days like today I think I have some mental illness.. like if I was bipolar I would be crazy and manic right?... ive had much better days and I just feel like were so early into our quit. I wish I had reassurance to know that it was PAWS :( feel free to pm me man I know its tough. I'm on the same boat.
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#6

Postby Tomoli » Tue Feb 14, 2017 8:42 pm

Too bad i can't pm you, because I'm a new member. I can totally relate and only try to calm you down by saying i'm feeling the same way. It's like a constant feeling of “something is not right“ and our brains are searching for a causes and solutions. I read a lot of stories here and it seems to be very normal. As Blazedout420 wrote the DP comes from the anxiety. And what i found to be very helpful is to just accept it and keep doing what i am doing. After a few days it got a lot better.(still fteaking out sometimes in my head tho) Who is thinking that something is wrong inin your head or you don't feel like yourself? that's right, it's you. Try to remember that everytime you start to freak out. I also was worried to be shizophrenic, psychotic etc. but it kinda passed, now it's the situation itself and my lack of joy/motivation/lifegoals what's bothering me right now. As you said you had better days, try to see the progress and the positive changes! i know how freakinhard that is..
Stay strong!
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#7

Postby Antmorales16 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 8:56 pm

yeah man true, how far are you into your quit? I would love to chat
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#8

Postby Tomoli » Tue Feb 14, 2017 9:09 pm

Hey, yes i can see your message but can't response, because i need to post in the forum more first. I don' know how many posts are enough..? I'm 2 month and 5 or 6 days in right now
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#9

Postby Antmorales16 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 9:23 pm

how long have you been smoking? the only thing that really bothers me is the way I think, my racing negative thoughts (really bad on some days) , anxiety, and depersonalization and lack of emotions and motivation... its like I dont know myself and life doesn't matter... do you have similar symptoms? its crazy how weed can do such a thing.. I never had anxiety this debilating before smoking... I think we are getting the worst of the symptoms now.
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#10

Postby tokes » Tue Feb 14, 2017 11:00 pm

its gonna be hell..get to month 6 and youll start to see the clouds on the horizon opening up and rays of light glimmering through...you will also get glimpses of your old self again and you will start to feel basic emotions again the way they used to feel! It will be just enough to know that your on the right track and that your not doing it all for nothing..

for some people its hard, for others easy becuase they know that life is simply not worth living in that state and thats where i was. get to month 6 and then battle through the last 6..you will have days off work, you will fall out with people, your body will start suddenly having wierd unheard of problems, you will snap at people and you will almost break but you will make it in the end and all the bs will subside. keep it up
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#11

Postby Antmorales16 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 11:16 pm

tokes wrote:its gonna be hell..get to month 6 and youll start to see the clouds on the horizon opening up and rays of light glimmering through...you will also get glimpses of your old self again and you will start to feel basic emotions again the way they used to feel! It will be just enough to know that your on the right track and that your not doing it all for nothing..

for some people its hard, for others easy becuase they know that life is simply not worth living in that state and thats where i was. get to month 6 and then battle through the last 6..you will have days off work, you will fall out with people, your body will start suddenly having wierd unheard of problems, you will snap at people and you will almost break but you will make it in the end and all the bs will subside. keep it up


thank you for the inspiring post man... how long until the anxiety cloud started to lift?
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#12

Postby Tomoli » Tue Feb 14, 2017 11:42 pm

This is the 3rd attempt of posting, my last 2 just disappeared after submitting... i smoked from age 16-24 with a few breaks in between. Modt of the time in the evening, but there were times when i started the dax with a joint and then went to work/uni. I can totally understand you man. Ivr been through the exact same sh** the last weeks. A few days ago the obsessive negative thoughts got a lot better. But i know how dark it feels to have them (from meaning of to death, over every possible mental illness or disorder) just everything and all the freakin time. At this point i don't even know what's scarring me. Thinking about theit future does and somehow how to spend my time.. If I'm at work i feel good and even laugh a lot, but then am scared how fast the day went over and i find myself overthinking everything before finally falling asleep. (which is ~5 a.m.) Still a “something is wrong with me“ feeling or a “i am missing or wasting life right now“ feeling. Lack of Joy/motivation is still very frustrating. I didnt touch my guitar for solid 2 month now.. i sometimes spent the whole day doing nothing else in the past and was f***ing happy about it. Now it feels like it would be a waste of time, like everything else does right now. But then i end up doing nothing much except thinking and being anxious. I think acceptance is the key and to talk a lot about how you feel.
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#13

Postby richardmj » Wed Feb 15, 2017 2:50 am

I WANT EVERYONE TO READ THIS.

My weed withdrawal started December 2015, and relapse in February 2016. I just realized this, but it was a year ago today. There was a community of us sticking together and writing each other offering words of encouragement. It was a huge help, knowing that we were all going through hell. But by god, it was TOGETHER. So you guys suck together, the process helps even if it seems pointless at times.

As for my withdrawal experience - it was the worst 10 months of my life. It seemed like it would go on for 10 years. The whole experience was lonely, and frightening for me. The same thoughts cycling through my head for months, obsessions took over. Everything scared me, and I hated myself for it, and the world for not caring.

But after a few months, I started to feel a slight uptick in my overall mood. It was like the skies opened up in my soul and I could see again, think clearly. It didn't last, but one day every few weeks I would feel that way. Then I would would feel better for longer. With 5-6 months I would feel okay almost as often as I would feel depressed.

After about 10 months, it kind of dissapated. Left my body. The same obsessive thoughts that I couldn't shake, don't even reach my memory anymore. My point is, IT DOES END. IT DOES END.

Just remember that guys, I want you to keep that in mind because I was in your situation not long ago. Btw, I'm 17 and this was a life-changing experience for me, I'm a better person because of what happened. All I do now is cigarettes and the occasional beer, lol. Peace.
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#14

Postby BackToTheTop » Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:03 am

Great news to know itll all go away. Here i am completing month 2 of being green free. Its been a hell of a ride but getting better. The anxiety is the worse part, its 2am and here i am because i cant sleep.
Awesome that youre better.
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