2 Month of hell PAWS?

#30

Postby Blazedout420 » Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:22 pm

No mate never had a problem with any of these things before I quit and I've dealt with some tough stuff in the past but I never let anything beat me and I won't let this beat me either. I would say I only had healthy anxiety which you would consider to be normal levels when I was out of my comfort zone which once id adjusted to my new surroundings went away. Try to relax my friend I can tell by your posts you are constantly searching for reassurance on every last thing and it's not helping you.
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#31

Postby Tomoli » Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:35 pm

Hey guys,

Antmorales, try not to freak out about your thoughts.(yea, good advice, i know). But i can tell you i will get better even if i am still struggling. But i was convinced to be suicidal, psychotic, pedophile etc., too. And after rhat i found my self auestioning everything from life to death. I felt completely lost and empty, you describe it pretty good. I felt exactly the same. The last 3 days were much better, because i didn't get that anxious about any of those thoughts. But i findbmyself always coming back to a thought/feeling after i was distracted by something (now those time spans are a looot longer than last month). for some reason time itself is scarng me and how fast its ticking. I noticed that I'm 2 month and a few days clean and i was scared because it felt like a total waste of time. And now i'm sort of always checking the time and think “and again 2 hours later“ or “there went another day“ even tho i was in a o.k. mood and even had some “fun“. It's annoying, because i can't make the time stop and dont even want to, but it scares me somehow. Good thingis i stopped thinking about the other stuff that made me go crazy to some point. What I am trying to say is, don't believe those thoughts, it's not what you really think, it's just your fear. I hope that i can overcome that time-obsession soon, but it's much better than being convinced to be suicidal and stuff. I guess it's just us facing reality without being high af.
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#32

Postby Antmorales16 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:33 pm

Hey guys I just have one question.. Did your phobias and obsessions go away? I'm obsessing over my heart and always hear it beat. It beats normal but my anxiety always tells me I have heart problems... Will this just go away on its own? Sometimes I get the pounding heart.. Not heart palpitations where it's beating really fast but I just feel it beating a lot.... Will this go away when the anxiety starts to decrease? And if you've had similar I would appreciate advice thanks
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#33

Postby Antmorales16 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 9:16 pm

And how does it feel to be normal again? Do you feel like a sense of a accomplishment for fighting through the hellish withdrawals ?
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#34

Postby Tomoli » Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:36 am

hey guys,

just wanna update and ask you how you're doing so far. Well, Antmorales16, i can only speak for myself, but the anxiety got less intense. I'm calm most of the time (for 3-4) days now (2 month and a few days in). I feel much more like myself, even if my thoughts are still somewhat strange and upsetting. If they occure I can calm me down most of the time. But I still have the “something is not right“ feeling, tho. What's hitting me now is a depressive state. I feel more like myself, but enjoying things is still far away and that's what bothers me most and leads to a very depressing mood. I sometimes ask myself how can people enjoy life if they know theyre going to die one day? I guess, this comes from the intrsuive and obsessive thoughts about death and every fear you could imagine. But this is driving me crazy sometimes. I was with friends last night and we played games, made pizza and stuff, but i was not enjoying the time, only for short moments during the games or in an active conversation. I laughed andneven made jokes, but after that i went back into my head “i still feel strange, can't enjoy it, ****, fear that i will never be happy, why can't i just have a good time with my best friends?, is this sober life?, what is life if we just die in the end?, i need to enjoy the time and appreciate life!.... ok, i can't.., fear -> depressed“

can't describe what I'm feeling, but this summs up my thoughts pretty good.
But it's a good point I'm not that anxious over everything or irrational things anymore, right? :P I have problems to appreciate that, too.

I am scared that i will think like this forever, because it is not an irrational fear, death is very rational and this upsets me more than the other stuff i was scared of. How do you deal with this? So i hope this is part of the process I'm making and i'm able to enjoy every moment without being stuck in my head and thinking negative about everything.

Thanks for listening and keep up the good work! :)
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#35

Postby Antmorales16 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:32 am

Yes me too man. I don't enjoy sh** really right now. I still get a little depressed now and still can't think clear. But it'll take time man. I've seen minor improvements but just wait Untill 6 months. We'll see major improvments (:
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#36

Postby Tomoli » Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:06 am

Okay, feeling kinda depressed right now and can't sleep. I just wanna write things down, because i feel slightly better afterwards. Today was an o.k. day, but the night times are always strange. I do feel “normal“, but find myself depressed and somewhat scared of life and death. It's all so strange. Thoughts about the past and future seem like pictures of an alternative universe/eixistenz. Can't really describe it, but it frustrates and scares me. I worked a lot the last days and enjoyed a few little moments, but am still somewhat trapped in my head and am scared that i will “live“ like this for the rest of my life. I can't even think of being happy in the future. Does this sound stupid? I'm also missing my ex gf. I broke up with her, because i was an idiot and i feel guilty for hurting her so much. I ask myself why i did it in the first place. I wanted to be high rather than be with her at times. I feel like a piece of sh**, because i think this was a reason i broke up with her. She always told me to quit but i wouldnz listen. Now i did, after the breakup and feel like my life is over. Can't even make music to deal with it, because i somehow don't feel like it, eventho i want it. Can somebody relate and tell me that things will get better? :/ I have a lot very goos friends, tho. I talk to them abour my problems, but sometimes they don't really understand, i think. Not blaming them, but if someone, who recovered or is 6+ month in here can tell me how they handled depressive thoughts I would really appreciate, because everything i try just helps for a short period of time. and, what exactly were you thinking in times of depression? and did those thoughts disappear or are you just able to deal with them?
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#37

Postby Antmorales16 » Tue Feb 21, 2017 4:41 am

Hey man in the same boat as you. Even though I know the post wasn't directed towards me I'm struggling today too. I'm dealing with this wierd chest discomfort & im always checking my heart. I'm guessing it's anxiety but it's wierd. I also been dealing with some negative thoughts today too. Like what if my heart just stops beating ... And the BIGGEST thoughts that f***ing with me is.. "What if I am normal and I'm just overreacting?" like I'm just not able to reason out my thoughts. Why can't we just thinks clearly ?? Just want a peace of mind.. Just know we're in the Same boat man. We're in battles with our own mind but over time well win that battle. Our minds are always searching for answers and answers. I always ask myself everyday whether this is paws or not.. But I know it's just the anxiety that's doing that hopefully
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#38

Postby tokes » Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:38 am

Antmorales16 wrote:
tokes wrote:its gonna be hell..get to month 6 and youll start to see the clouds on the horizon opening up and rays of light glimmering through...you will also get glimpses of your old self again and you will start to feel basic emotions again the way they used to feel! It will be just enough to know that your on the right track and that your not doing it all for nothing..

for some people its hard, for others easy becuase they know that life is simply not worth living in that state and thats where i was. get to month 6 and then battle through the last 6..you will have days off work, you will fall out with people, your body will start suddenly having wierd unheard of problems, you will snap at people and you will almost break but you will make it in the end and all the bs will subside. keep it up


thank you for the inspiring post man... how long until the anxiety cloud started to lift?


I never personally had an anxiety cloud or maybe i did but i didnt call it an anxiety as such. In the first 6 months and also parts of last 6 months you wont have a stable base feeling. For example, most non drug using people wake up feeling the same or pretty much similar they way they woke up the previous morning. This builds a base for them to build a personality upon (personality = a much needed function for social living). However in this recovery time (and probably during the years of abuse) we didnt have a base nor a personality, therefore waking up every morning in this recovery period can cause a long lasting anxiety as we dont know who we are going to be or how we feel when we wake up in the morning. If go about our day not knowing if were gonna suddenly be hit with a massive depression or sudden high mood can cause stress, stress = anxiety.

If you can understand or acknowledge this as a cause for your anxiety its a stepping stone in the right direction.
Like I said, I was able to brush anxiety off, but I would say it will last just as long as it takes for you to build your base again where you can start laying down the bricks of something you call 'yourself' or 'me'. Then you ill see piece by piece that is subsides and you will think of yourself as silly for ever feeeling that way.
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