Another One Bites The Dust

#15

Postby Bagobones » Mon May 01, 2017 7:26 am

Gitana wrote:10 weeks! yup, what feels like an eternity is actually just 10 little weeks! Time passes very differently without MJ there s no doubt..
Ok, not much to say:
tired all day, sleep 7 hours with no issue, overwhelming urge to sleep seven hours after i wake up.
I exercice at least 1 hour a day, with some relaxation/meditation moments too.
Eating is all i can do (gained initially 9 pounds, now seem to have lost like 6/7). No motivation to do anything (except eating and sleeping and reading). Place is a mess.
Mood has been ok-ish, although i m still totally avoiding people, friends, sex, socialization (i went to a party this week and was fine though, among smokers and drinkers..) whenever i can.
Memory is better, nowhere near what it used to be, but better than 10 weeks ago for sure
Havent felt too depressed this week, and didnt cry unexpectedly like before. My main issue really is the no motivation that seems to be lasting.
It s a long way indeed


10 weeks! Congratulation! :)

I think I mentioned the time aspect on my 6 week in my thread too.. :) Your so right about that. The tiredness I was struggling with hard too. It will go away, I never have it like that anymore. it was mostly gone by 3 months for me if i remember right. Same with your case of low IQ.. yup, had that too.. its all gone now...

We seem to have gotten the same motivation issues. Thats what lasted longest for me. I still got it now and then, but much weaker and not as often as before. And somewhat I feel its getting better and its parts of the weed quitting. So I am pretty certain I am moving fast towards an end to that too..

I am also and have been avoiding socialising to some extent. But I am realising that its connected to me and that i dont really know what kind of socialising I want. I am a magnet for bad company. But lately i´ve become better at it. Better at knowing what i want, and by that I am better at saying no to things i dont want and people i dont want. its been opening the right doors and shutting the bad doors for me.

Anyways, keep going Gitana.. Your doing good. I am proud of you. You will stabilise soon, and its all smooth sailing from there...
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#16

Postby DaWickerMan777 » Mon May 01, 2017 1:39 pm

@Gitana Thank you for your progress, it's a real eye opener and a huge help. Funny enough, reading "not much to say" tells me that some good progress has been made, and thankfully it sounds like things aren't weighing to heavily on your mind. I need to kick up my exercise, you doing an hour a day is pretty good, more than me, but because I always had a fast metabolism I never really worked out beyond doing alot of running.

I'm confident your motivation will make a strong come back :)
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#17

Postby Gitana » Fri Jun 02, 2017 5:40 am

15th weeks! It feels like it s been way much more, like a year or so..

What to say?
Mood is still in the lows, yet more stable, less peaks.
Despites the sunny days, very little interest in socializing still.
Crying comes easily when emotionally triggered (sad news, songs..)
I m still always hungry, yet i guess i eat a little less than 2 months ago. My quitting sugar is definitely no easy task (i relapse from time to time, like once a week, but only for quality treats (no M&Ms, Snickers and such)

While i have my brain "straight" all the time now - and i keep it busy with a lot of reading and creating - i find life bland and empty. It for sure must show, as people find me distant and silent mostly.

Motivation is still low, i pretty much do nothing else than the bare minimum to get by, and that is not a good news. I successfully passed some important tests though, meaning i could sort of focus and memorize, that probably is a sign that things are going "upward" in the end, albeit super slowly..

Still no desire to try the stuff, although i have been told i should smoke again so that i get my joie de vivre back. So much that I have been considering having a shroom moment maybe, or finding some low grade stuff for those upcoming bbqs and concerts at the park. Although so far i can say i havent smoked anything, not even tobacco, and that this doesnt really makes me a happier person.

Well, I just stopped by here to document, but really, i dont have much desire to communicate with the outside much
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#18

Postby cleanofgreen » Fri Jun 02, 2017 9:59 am

Hi Gitana
Well done on the 15 weeks. Your in the thick of it with the low moods and lack of motivation, don't worry too much it all comes back with time. I know it might seem like forever when going through it but it took nearly 6 months for me to start feeling better, your mileage might vary. The improvement is so slight every week that it seems your making no progress at all, but looking at it long term you are. I wouldn't advise smoking anything, low grade or not as this is still your addiction talking and it will probably take you back to square one. Stick with it as your almost over the hump, and you'll be amazed at how good you'll feel in a few weeks time.

Stay Strong
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#19

Postby Gitana » Sat Jun 24, 2017 9:39 pm

This has been over 4 months since a quit - now entering 19th week i guess
Update:
- mood is better, pretty decently positive i d say - and overall, stable! The drastic mood swing episodes seem to have been gone this past month, pretty enjoyable actually
- I m quite happy to be able to sleep without the help of any substance! That s such a peaceful routine - as opposed to the stressful "i have to get stone the right amount not-too-little-not-too-much right before i go to bed"
- dreams are still such an experience! They are probably "normal" by now, but still so very real, precise, intense, i m in awe each day when i wake up and realize that indeed, "this was just a dream"!! Loving it!
- still not much desire to socialize a lot, but that s just the regular me when no drunk or high (i ve been to concerts and parties surrounded by the clouds, but i m cool, not tempted at all
- interest in sex is slightly coming back (or is it because it s Summer?)
- i love not having a steady plan anymore (light up the first one), so i can approach my days with more varieties of options
- motivation is coming back, i m steadily creating with a sense of regularity and completion that s close to the one i had "before" the stop. That might mean that i m becoming normal again!.. Also, i seem able to be inspired without the substance, and that is a big news! Will see if this lasts, but that is motivating
- over all, i m happier, and have so many more reasons for that

Seems like what everyone told was true - stick with it, it ll get worse before it gets better..
-
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#20

Postby Miraculous » Sat Jun 24, 2017 11:35 pm

How on earth did you put time together? How do you get past all the craving? My last slip, I just casually forgot all the adament commitments I'd made to myself! That slip though, I'm attributing to wine, so I'm going to abstain from drinking for a while. This is quite the challenge though, changing my whole evening routine and mindset, deciding to suffer clear-headedness instead of just numbing out. My days are a lot longer when I'm not smoking weed! Wish I could trust myself not to cave...I truly don't know what it will take but I'm in it for the long haul, no matter what a fool I make of myself, floundering and posting and reaching out for support!
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#21

Postby Gitana » Sun Jun 25, 2017 1:20 am

Indeed Miraculous, days are A LOT longer without substance, i hear you! Not easy to fill up all those newly available hours, i guess this is a situation we all have to face. But as the saying goes, no one has time, one has to make time. So i looked at the things i never "had" time for, and started to implement them in my daily routine (in my case, this was as simple as making 1 or 2 phone calls a day to friends/family abroad; hobbies (drawing, reading, cooking), exercises (swimming, biking), social-media (actually reaching out online, commenting). Before i knew it, my days were full again and i have to "make" time for new things (like socializing at concerts, bbqs, parties).

As for craving, which ones are you referring to? As said, i had no desire for weed for the past 4 months+ (and probably longer, as i was definitely partaking out of habit and because i could not function without) - so i never had any craving for it.
Now, i have craving for food (chocolate, cookies..), and that is harder to overcome in my case. I gained 9 pounds in a few weeks, so I try to replace with carrots, hot water, but honestly i dont see much improvement yet (i weight 134 for 5'7" so it s nothing dramatic, but still, i was thinner before and would like to get back there eventually.

It s all a matter of resolve - if quitting is what one wants, they should for it. If one prefers the other options, they are fine too. No option is issue-less, both have pros and cons so let s not beat ourselves too hard.
This being said, congrats for your decision and keep us updated!
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#22

Postby Bagobones » Thu Jun 29, 2017 10:33 am

Gitana wrote:This has been over 4 months since a quit - now entering 19th week i guess
Update:
- mood is better, pretty decently positive i d say - and overall, stable! The drastic mood swing episodes seem to have been gone this past month, pretty enjoyable actually
- I m quite happy to be able to sleep without the help of any substance! That s such a peaceful routine - as opposed to the stressful "i have to get stone the right amount not-too-little-not-too-much right before i go to bed"
- dreams are still such an experience! They are probably "normal" by now, but still so very real, precise, intense, i m in awe each day when i wake up and realize that indeed, "this was just a dream"!! Loving it!
- still not much desire to socialize a lot, but that s just the regular me when no drunk or high (i ve been to concerts and parties surrounded by the clouds, but i m cool, not tempted at all
- interest in sex is slightly coming back (or is it because it s Summer?)
- i love not having a steady plan anymore (light up the first one), so i can approach my days with more varieties of options
- motivation is coming back, i m steadily creating with a sense of regularity and completion that s close to the one i had "before" the stop. That might mean that i m becoming normal again!.. Also, i seem able to be inspired without the substance, and that is a big news! Will see if this lasts, but that is motivating
- over all, i m happier, and have so many more reasons for that

Seems like what everyone told was true - stick with it, it ll get worse before it gets better..
-


Cool! good job Gitana.. I was just in Romania a few days ago, got reminded of that when I saw your nic now :) .. Good job on your 4 months. It get worst before it gets better, indeed.. Very proud of you.. :)
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#23

Postby Miraculous » Thu Jun 29, 2017 4:01 pm

Wow Gitana - what an awesome accomplishment! You are an inspiration to me. I can't seem to put barely ten days together but I'm trying yet again. Don't know how you guys make it through the first month! Thanks for posting your progress
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#24

Postby Gitana » Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:31 am

Hey Bagobones! Doing good? Thanks for your support.
So cool, how was Romania? (damn, last time i was there was on tour in the 1990.. it must have changed A LOT since ;)
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#25

Postby Gitana » Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:32 am

Cool Miraculous - now i just have to behave up to your expectation of me haha.. Hope you find good stuff to kill time..
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#26

Postby Gitana » Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:34 am

6 months in - little update

- no more sleeping issue
- no more munchies issue
- no more depression issue
- brain is starting to work quite normally on most days - some days are still off though, like neurons wont connect, but most of the time, i can remember and recall information, it almost feels miraculous!
- sex drive has been higher than usual

- overall i m a bit more productive and disciplined - i m not quite there yet, but i ve noticed progresses here and there. I used to to always plays around the edges, the limits, while now i m more reasonable somehow. Talking about hours, timings, deadlines, physical risks, general pace, frequency of interaction with others, food.. I guess i m becoming more mature (but that might just be aging haha..)

- I accept reality better i think, although with difficulties, but still, better. I m becoming more realistic now that i dont have that daily weedy escape anymore. I feel like the reverse effect of what happens to the high-schooler who starts smoking and looses all sense of priority, time, perspective, and ends up repeating class. I feel like every day i m back into a real time frame, with a real (or real-er) sense of priorities. Hard to express properly with words but hopefully i m making sense.

Long story short, it s been 6 months and it s like i m growing up - i guess i needed that :)
Ok, end of report, more soon
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#27

Postby Gitana » Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:54 am

FULL VERSION (?)

6 months in - little update

- no more sleeping issue (although i m back into being a total night-owl)
- no more munchies issue, i eating pattern is better (i ve kinda stop compensating i m guessing)
- no more depression issue, pretty stable mood

- brain is starting to work quite normally on most days - some days are still off though, like neurons wont connect, but most of the time, i can remember and recall information, it almost feels miraculous! Brain fog is a rarity, but is kinda there if i sleep less than 4hours

- sex drive has been higher than usual, although i still dont really need daily companionship - i have several lovers or wannabe-lovers contacting me regularly and i still kinda avoid them in order to enjoy my time alone. Is that PAW? depression? regular me? not too sure, but i feel fine

- overall i m a bit more productive and disciplined - i m not quite there yet, but i ve noticed progresses here and there. I used to to always plays around the edges, the limits, while now i m more reasonable somehow. I m talking about hours, timings, deadlines, physical risks, general pace, frequency of interaction with others, food.. I guess i m becoming more mature (but that might just be aging haha..). I actually put some preparation into work i had to do, and then delivered pretty accurately, and felt a sense of achievement that i rarely had "before"

- I accept reality better i think, although with difficulties, but still, better. I m becoming more realistic now that i dont have that daily weedy escape anymore. I feel like the reverse effect of what happens to the high-schooler who starts smoking and looses all sense of priority, time, perspective, and ends up repeating class. I feel like every day i m back into a real time frame, with a real (or real-er) sense of priorities. Hard to express properly with words but hopefully i m making sense. My sentimental life is still complicated in the sense that i dont think i able to really fall for someone any longer - but again, this might not have to do with weed (or lack thereof)

- on the social level, i m now pretty at ease: i went to yard-parties, concerts, bbq, roof-parties, pool-parties, bars, beach-parties, any kind of events, surrounded by people at all stage of intoxication (never like that word but i dont know many) - being offered all kind of party-helpers - and i just was fine! i d just swiftly and politely decline all offer and keep on enjoying with no guilt or sense of missing out or anything. It s like if i m offered a sweater when i m not feeling cold you know, there s just no need for it, and no thinking about saying no thanks. I feel like i m at another level regarding my own addiction already, and that feels quite good.

Long story short, it s been 6 months and it s like i m growing up - i guess i needed that :)
- i m not saying life is pink - it actually isnt any better or worse than it was 6 months ago, but i just take it for what it is, with no frustration. Am i becoming zen (i dont even do yoga, i keep on lightly exercising)

Ok, end of report, more soon
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#28

Postby naturegirl » Wed Aug 23, 2017 1:16 am

Gitana, I so can relate to you. Although you have more time in than me, you have the same perspective when it comes to socializing. It was easy for me to be around people smoking. I think it's because I'm so determined to stay sober and have clarity of thought. As well, I'm an odd ball when it comes to relationships. For some reason, I'm just totally over it. Maybe it will change in time. I don't know. I just know that I like my independence, and don't feel bad that I'm not sharing my journey with anyone. Of course, I have my friends. And that's important. I just don't feel like I need a significant one in my life.
Well, 6 months, that's awesome. Keep it up and keep evolving. That's the one thing that being sober does. It makes you take a deeper look at yourself, and I think that's a good thing.
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#29

Postby Soberchic » Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:36 am

Gitana nice to hear your still hanging in there..congrats keep up the good work..weird how things change..ill have a year quit next week..so much as changed its crazy..i can relate
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