Im worst man on earth


Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:27 pm

neutralusername wrote:Well, to be honest here, there is a difference between the way he succeeded in changing her and the way she wants to change him (if we accept that way of framing the situation). He changed her because it was best for her. It sounds like he told her, "listen, i've got no problem if you want to smoke, but you know, it'll kill you in the end" and so on. She is telling him "you need to change because ME, wah wah wah."* Do you see the difference?

That is selective framing. His supposed changing of her not smoking is for the good, while her wanting to change him to not be an unfriendly, angry, racist is for her benefit and not his benefit and therefore bad.

I don't agree with such a onesided framing. Both sides are motivated by self interest. It is or possibly at this point was a relationship built on shallow or superficial attraction. It was a relationship built on lust, not love. Now both parties are struggling to shape their lust into the love they want.
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Postby davidanthony » Mon May 01, 2017 8:56 am

I did some things that I'm not proud of when I first met my wife. She wanted me to change because I made her unhappy and miserable. I did change, beyond all recognition! And more than 35 years later, she loves me now more than she ever has. But don't ever think I changed for her. I didn't alter my behaviour because she was unhappy with me. I did it because I was unhappy with me! I hated what I was 35 years ago and so I became who I am now. Far from perfect, I assure you, but I don't give the love of my life any BS! And it's got nothing to do with her. It's because I refuse to be "that guy". The guy that does those things. I'm not being him!
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